As parents of those who enter our homes a babies or young children, and then who grow into young people, and become the young adults and parents of the future, we aim to parent through a different lens. 

Terms like dysregulation, trauma, attachment, wobbles, big feelings, all become ‘normal’ words in our day to day lives.  We talk to one another about baskets, focusing on the big picture, no fighting every battle and sometimes just choosing to not see that ‘thing’. 

Behaviour is a communication and languages of love come in many forms. 

Our children teach us more than we often feel we will ever teach them.  We reflect and realise we have changed beyond our wildest dreams.  These were our dreams, our hopes, our desires, a family. 

But it’s a different lens.  The rose tinted glasses fell away long ago. 

Now we know the daily struggles, the fears and realities of seeing the untold hurts our children carry. The realities of the broken connections they once had, the realities of the promises never kept. 

For our children there could be nothing worse that what they have already experienced, the loss is real.  And yet, they bring each and every day a smile, a laugh, a tail of excitement and adventures new. 

Every day something to learn, something to cherish.  The first step, that first scooter, that first tooth.  Some we capture, some we see and some we missed long ago. 

Daily we refocus our lens, daily we remind ourselves they can’t help it, daily we look with hope to a future where they will do what every parent hopes and fly the nest. 

Not because we don’t want them here, in fact the total opposite.  We hope beyond hope that all that has passed will not hold them back from a future of success and achievement. 

But that is viewed through a different lens, one that sees success as being able to tie their shoe laces, catch a bus and negotiate the things others see as simple in life.  

But for our guys they will be massive mountains to climb and conquer, rocks to scales and overcome and a lifetime of repair and resilience.  

And through that lens they will experience, witness and succeed in life.

@AdoptionCake (Twitter)