Sat in a quiet restaurant in Aviemore, I blurted out the words “I think I want to be a mum.”

The feeling had been bubbling away for a few months, but this was the first time I’d said it out loud.

I’d chosen my confidante wisely: a good friend with a young child of her own, both enthusiastic and practical in equal measure. Together, we talked through the pros and cons of motherhood as a single parent. Before I knew it, I was on the phone to a local adoption agency asking for more information.

Adoption felt like the obvious choice for me. I had no burning desire to give birth, just a strong nurturing instinct and a growing sense that life had more to offer. It felt right to explore adoption. If there was a child who needed a safe and loving home, then perhaps I could provide that.

 

Beginning the adoption process

Once I’d made that first phone call, everything began to roll from there. It wasn’t a quick process, and there were plenty of points along the way where I could have paused or stopped. After the initial conversation, a social worker came to visit, to learn more about me and to explain what the process would involve.

Having passed that first step, I was invited to a preparation course for prospective adopters, spread over a couple of weekends. Alongside six or so other families, I learned about trauma, attachment, and the complex needs an adopted child might have. I also began to understand what the longer-term journey of adoption could look like.

 

The home study

Armed with that knowledge, I started a six-month “home study.” I was matched with a social worker whose job was to get to know me: my history, my family, my finances, and how I might meet a child’s needs. Essentially, she was assessing whether I had the stability, empathy, and support to parent an adopted child.

Thankfully, my social worker put me at ease, and I found the process surprisingly reflective and rewarding. At the end of the study, I met with a panel who had to officially approve me before I could move forward. By that stage, my social worker knew me inside and out, and her encouragement meant the world. The panel approved me, on the condition that my parents, who would be part of my support network, completed their disclosure checks too.

 

The hardest part: Finding my child

The next stage was the hardest: finding a child. Learning about a child, imagining life together, waiting to hear if we’d been matched — and then having to move on when we hadn’t — was emotionally draining. Each time it felt like the end of the world.

I remember the first time I read my soon-to-be daughter’s profile. I was still smarting from the last rejection and feeling uncertain. Luckily, with support from the people around me, I found the courage to move forward. It took around six months from that moment to meeting her and finally bringing her home. The process was, as always, thorough, including another matching panel to make sure I really was the right parent for her. It was nerve-wracking, and I don’t think I really believed everything would be okay until the day we met.

She was peeking out from behind a curtain while I sat on the couch chatting with her foster carer. Suddenly, I felt completely at ease, as if I was exactly where I was meant to be, and I knew, deep down, that everything would be alright.

Fast forward to now, and I can’t imagine being mum to anyone else. Maybe there is a kind of magic in the matching process after all.

 

What adoption taught me

Undoubtedly, adoption isn’t an easy route into parenting. For me, it took around two years from that first phone call to the day I brought my daughter home. It was challenging, and I had to prove myself worthy several times over, but honestly, that’s exactly as it should be.

My daughter deserves someone who understands the impact of trauma, embraces therapeutic parenting, and helps her make sense of her story. That means keeping my emotions in check while I help her manage hers, and that’s not always easy, especially when it involves making space for her to have a relationship with her birth family.

 

A life changed forever

Adoption has shaped my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined. It’s been rewarding, demanding, and deeply human. Being my daughter’s mum is a privilege I never take for granted.

I absolutely recommend adoption as a way to grow your family, if you understand that it takes courage, patience, and a heart ready to love without limits.