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Unsuccessful adopters

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My husband and I have just been given the news that we have been unsuccessful for adoption due to him having multiple sclerosis and me having had adrenal cancer. I have been told by my doctor the chance of my condition reoccurring is slim . As for my husband. He is fit, very mobile and visually impaired. They told me that they look 15 years into the future and try to guess if your health will be ok. Ms is very broad in terms of symptoms , people have it for years without any major issues . They are saying that because if this we can not go through with it. We have support within the family if we need it. What is the point of asking if you have support within the family if they still turn round and say no??? Do they have a crystal ball or something it's plain stupid to guess how someone's health will be in 15 years. They could tell you one day that yes you can adopt because we have guessed within 15 years you will be fit and healthy and then 3 months after the adoption proccess your can be diagnosed with something terrible. Yet someone with ms is written off right away because according to them in 15 years you could be dead, where in actual fact you could be the same as you are now. I just can't understand there logic in all of this it's disgusting. I am aware they are looking out for the children and want the best life possible for them as they have been through a hell of a time, and I'm probably being selfish in saying this but there is such a thing as life having ups and downs for everyone. Everyone has to deal with loss at some point in their life. I know lots of children have already been through a lot of loss before they are adopted but nobody can guarantee that they will never have to experience some sort of loss again.


I'm so devastated by this news today but I do intend to appeal against it .


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78 users have supported this.

Do you mean you have been turned down at approval panel or have social workers told you they won't assess you? If SWs have taken you to panel it could be worth an appeal. If SWs have refused to carry on with assessment, To be honest I'm not sure I would appeal. You have to have a good relationship with your agency, for approval , matching, post adoption support. Rightly or wrongly this agency has decided it doesn't want to work with you.


But there are other agencies, you might be better off speaking to some other agencies who may be more open minded. There are other options for you to pursue which might be more productive . Good luck


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8Be the first user to support this

No , they gave only just done our medical and this was the result of that. They say they are the most lenient out there.


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67 users have supported this.

I wouldn't take their word for it, they cannot speak for other agencies. Make your own enquiries and see what they say


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71 users have supported this.

Va's tend to look at things in the round- balancing your pros & cons

Are you thinking you're likely to pass away in the next 10-15 yrs? I'm sorry but thinking that any child wouldn't be massively impacted by this is pretty shocking....

My ac are 19&17. I've been desperately ill at times, your health is often effected by their trauma but yet at the first opportunity I'm trying to call them, reassure them that mum is still here, that this mum comes home. I cannot imagine being casual about how much the loss of a parent would devastate them at a point of starting to fledge into young adulthood


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59 users have supported this.

There is not a chance that we think we will be passing away in the next 15 years but the social worker more or less said that it was a concern. Anyone could get hit by a bus tomorrow . The point I'm trying to make is how can anyone make a guess that you will be dead in 15 years??? Of course a child would be massively affected by this , I just think its ridiculous my husband had been written off !


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73 users have supported this.

I understand your point and don't disagree with you. I had a massive problem with my first SW who didn't think single people should be adopting. I came to the conclusion that there was no point in banging my head against that particular brick wall. Your husband hasn't been written off, you have just come up against one social worker who can't see beyond the end of their nose.


So look elsewhere, don't waste your time and energy there, but look to where what you can offer a child will be valued. My first SW lives close to me. Nothing gave me more satisfaction than her seeing me with my son at the local swimming pool, him shouting for mummy and giving me a big smacking kiss. Childish I know but there you go.


And to state the obvious, there wouldn't be an adopters with disabilities section if people with disabilities didn't adopt. Leave the muppets behind and go where you will be valued.


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10Be the first user to support this

It was the medical advisor that said no , then the social workers had a meeting together and agreed. But then the social worker said if I wanted to appeal I could. I've been fighting for 9 years for a family, I've suffered 6 losses through miscarriage which were through ivf. I never seem to be able to get past 9 weeks. I seem to always come up against a brick wall. Is not nice having other people in control of your life.


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66 users have supported this.

No it's isn't nice having other people control your life, unfortunately that's part and parcel of adoption at this stage


But no w you do have a choice. Try and convince people who have already formed a view about you. Or take control and look elsewhere


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76 users have supported this.

Thankyou .


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73 users have supported this.

Don't lose heart and speak to your GP. Ask him/her to write a recommendation letter about your health and share it with future agencies.


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65 users have supported this.

you had had some good advice, go out there and fight! parents for children and banardos are worth contacting.


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76 users have supported this.