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Hi all I wanted some advice I have been turned down for stage one due to few things money being biggest even though I have some saving seams not enough few other things don't want to say publicly anyway got postive feedback and taking it all very positively


One thing that was subjected was to do respite career short breaks carer

They were very keen for me to do this I like idea of this as give my huge amount experience and I be able to help and support a family and child.


I'm at cross roads now do I give up on adoption due to maybye never having enough money to have child?

(don't mean to be negative but how I feel bit) work very hard or do I do respite care and be happy with that put my engency and efforts into that?


Does anyone have experience of respite care? What's it like etc

Thanks feel very positive about it and want to move forward


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We started out as respite foster carers... We would take children for up to a fortnight to cover things like FC holidays or emergencies. At the time I was a student and we would state when we were available which was specified weekends and holidays and SW would see who needed us to have kids at that time. We supported a number of children and sibling groups over this time.


Whilst doing this, we started to have one family on a regular basis and then it was decided that there long term plan was adoption.....we put ourselves forward and adopted them. It wasn't how we expected things to work out, but it is what happened.


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Thanks bop I have to do weekends as work what was your experience of fostering like there any books u recommended to read on it read loads on adoption but now don't think I be able to do this unless I get much better payied job lol x


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Did they advise on how you could become a respite carer? I think there’s a fostering network that may be able to advise


https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk


If you’re working full time including weekends then how would you fit fostering in around your job?


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Hi donatelle I work f/time week days 9-5 weekends off thanks for link


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As a respite foster carer you would get paid an allowance for looking after any children in your care. If a foster carer goes on to adopt a child in their care, there are transitional arrangements which mean you get paid some allowances for a period of time (although that may only apply to full time FC). Some children attract adoption allowances depending on their needs and you would also probably qualify for some benefits.


There are a number of different arrangements, so have a look around see what suits you. The two I am most familiar with are:

- We were approved as local authority foster carers, but chose to do respite at that time as it suited our circumstances, but had the option of doing full time foster care in the future if we chose. The LA used us as a resource to support their full time foster carers as and when they needed it and we could accommodate it (eg I would avoid weekends when I had an essay due!)

- Our son has a disability and he went to short break care each month, which was provided by Barnardos, for parents of children with disabilities. His carer just looked after him on a monthly basis and I think worked full time alongside that.


I hope you can find something that works for you


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Do you want to give up ?


Finance is always going to be an issue for single adopters. To be honest savings, unless they are significant, arent going to do much long term. I don't know how old you are, but maybe waiting for a couple of years, get yourself a better paid job, more financial security would be an option.


Its what I had to do, so I do know its frustrating. So how much do you want it ? Enought to wait a year or so?


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Thanks for comments


I don't want to give up but feel bit de flated with it all I'm 35 so got time on my side single happily with morage so won't able to do full time fostering as need to work (would love to foster full time) but my cerstainces not possible

I guess I could look into respite care and see what they say as I only be able to do weekends and take leave to do week in holidays they prop say no


Thank for all your comments and support fingers crossed I get there as adoption way I want to go but take on board I need hands on experience with foster children and what they go though and there families.


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I suppose the answer to your question about whether or not to give up on adoption is whether you want to be a parent or a carer. I always wanted to be a parent. If you also mainly want to be a parent, then I would have seen respite care as a means of gaining experience only whilst saving for adoption.


If you do want to be a parent and finances seems to be the biggest issue, as is often more the case for singlies: have you input various options into the tax credits calculator, eg detailing your reduced salary as it would be whilst on adoption leave (rather than entering your current full-time salary). You would try different options eg I think I saw you said in a previous thread about possibly taking 9 months adoption leave. Obviously, you can't guarantee what time of the year a child would be placed which is why you try different options,


eg: if child placed in April 2018, you would estimate your overall annual income for 2018/19 by calculating your first 6 weeks at 90% (or more if your employer provides enhanced adoption pay); then from week 7 until the 9 month mark, you would have £0 income, then for the remaining 3 months add your normal salary (assuming it was agreed by the child's LA that you would only have 9 months). That would give you a much reduced salary, you'd see how much you'd potentially get by way of TCs, to supplement the savings you have accummulated so far (+ the more you saved if the LA agree to you proceeding to the next stage).


You then input data based on a placement in say July (so, full pay April to June; next 6 weeks at 90%, week 7 to month 9 at £0 pay, etc).


If all of that would be enough to pay your bills and/or if you changing mortgage/ utility provider deals, etc - present that information to show that you could afford to adopt.


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It's always worth exploring different agencies. You could look at VAs if you haven'the done so already. I am a single adopter of 2 and both times I was turned down by the first agency/authority I approached


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Thanks looked into tax's credits etc and won't be able to have very long off work due to money relise need year or worst case never return back to work!

I want to adopt 100% but relise I have walls up at moment.

I started stage one pulled out as didn't feel ready so year later more ready and been turned down hay ho they said if money was better had more savings they have me I have think and enjoy x mas but remain positive thanks for comments


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Looked at all my out going and I am a bit savy with this on good deal morage rate as just re moraged think I need to get better payied Job well try to then look into it again in few years


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Hi chocolatecrunchy,


Your story so far sounds very familiar to mine. I'll tell you a little about what happened to me, it might help.


Like you I started the adoption journey in my mid-30s, the LA began the process and put me on a prep course, but when it came to the assessment they decided that:

1. I needed a more secure job

2. I needed to sort out my accommodation

3. I needed more childcare experience


So 6 months after that advice, when I had taken a job I didn't want, but was secure, moved house and began getting more experience of looking after children, I re-approached the LA, who then turned me down. I tried other LAs and VAs and got some negative feedback, so walked away from adoption. It was a difficult time, as I had made lots of changes to my life and had nothing to show for it. Although I didn't entirely waste the time, I was a great Auntie to my nieces and nephews and I volunteered as an Independent Visitor, mentoring a girl in Foster Care.


4 years later a few things fell into place and I decided to have 1 last stab at adoption, and this time was successful with a different LA. Now I am 3.5 years in to being the best Mum I can be to my now 9-year old son. Like Serrakunda, I have looked back on my journey, my LO was just being born when I did my first prep course and assessment, so no-one was aware he needed me. The following dates of me enquiring about adoption, getting approved, etc. spookily coincide with him coming into care and getting a placement order. If I had done things differently then I would not have the most amazing son watching YouTube upstairs as I write this.


I think those extra considerations as a single parent are so valid. I need to work fewer hours to properly support and care for my son, but at the moment I can't afford to do so. I am constantly juggling the needs of work and home, worrying about the hours I owe work, the money I owe elsewhere and how to fit in the housework with everything else I have to do. I always thought I was savvy with money, doesn't feel like it now. The extra costs of travelling to therapy and other appointments, the equipment needed to maintain a relatively calm house, and trying to keep a level of normality by having a few things to enjoy too soon add up, and there is no choice but to work and try to make ends meet. Parenting a challenging child has affected both my physical and mental health and I have had a couple of periods of extended time off work over the last 18 months, luckily I have a reasonably understanding and flexible employer.


Only you can decide what is right, to give up, become a respite carer or whatever other options are out there, but do give yourself a break and do what is right for you for a while.


Good luck xx


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Thank u skylyt for postive comments going to enjoy x mad and have think in new year


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