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Is there demand for families who want children like us?

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My husband and I have one 6-year-old child (who is technically my husband's step child). My husband is black/white mixed race British, I'm white contentinental european, our child is white continental european as well.

We'd like to have more children. The obvious route would be to have biological children, but I often hear very mixed messages about how children are looking for homes and have difficulty finding them (especially older ones, children with difficulties, BME,etc).

Of course, this doesn't seem to be true for young white healthy babies, but is true more for other demographics?


Essentially we'd be looking for 1-3 children (so happy with a sibling group) younger than our first child from any ethnic background without serious problems, small ones would be fine.


Now my question is are there such children who'd need parents or would we be effectively stealing them from other parents who don't have the biological route open to them? We certainly wouldn't be interested if the latter was the case, but are in the first.


So the only relevant factor for us is to give children a stable long term home who likely wouldn't be able to get one otherwise (or e.g. only split from their siblings). Given what we'd be looking for, is that the case or not?


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22 users have supported this.

My wife and I also made the positive choice to adopt- we have no issues conceiving. There are always more children than adopters and I think its a wonderful thing to do, if its right for you.


There is currently a 'shortage' of healthy, white, under two year old kids- because that's what most adopters want, some wait years for one. Non white kids and sibling groups have a harder time getting placed and are generally 'over-supplied' (horrid ideas, but the sad reality). The kind of children you would be accepting of are usually exactly who might otherwise languish in foster care. Its also often hard to match children with similar ethnicity parents (not critical but they try to)- so you would never be stealing kids, its about what's best for them.


Adoption isn't dead easy, neither is being pregnant I imagine, but its incredibly rewarding. I'd encourage you to take time to choose the right agency. Please feel free to PM me of you have any questions.


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23 users have supported this.

Lots of people would be looking for similar. You'd be looking for very young children. So would lots of others. Children without serious issues. So would others. Because of the age of your birth child your range would be limited. Social workers expect a minimum of a 2 year age gap - more often much more - so that's likely to limit your choices.


You're unlikely to know what issues a young child would have. What do you call serious issues? Do you understand where these children come from, their backgrounds, genetic risks, drug and alcohol abuse in utero?


It is highly unlikely that a sw would place a sibling group of three with you and tbh hugely unfair on your child. Children in the care system are often complex and the majority will have difficulties of one type or another, whether thats trauma related or some other more organic disability.


Maybe worry less about stealing children from other prospective adopters and research more on the types of children who need families.


Straightforward ones are few and far between.


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i dont think anyone can give you a definitve answer.


firstly though I think most adopters would be uncomfortable with the use of the word 'stealing' in relation to any adoptive child. The point of adoption is to find the right family for that particular child.


The children available for adoption changes all the time, things might look very different by the time you are approved.


i think you need to decide if adoption is what you really want to do, as opposed to trying to identify if there are suitable children and if not you will just go ahead and have birth children. SWs will pay a lot of attention to your motivation to adopt.


If adoption is what you really want to do then you need to commit to it, apply, be approved and wait for the right children.


i think you also need to give some thought to your statement about 'no serious issues'. What do you mean by serious? Do you understand that you can have no guarantees when you adopt? Children may present as OK when they are very young, once they hit school age and later teenage things can look very different.


Three adoptive children is a huge undertaking. You are unlikely to get 3 with no serioys issues. Have you thought about the impact on your existing child. They would be completely overwhelmed and outnumbered by two or three arriving at once.


what about finances? with three adopted children you are likely to need to have a full time stay at home parent.


to be honest i think you need to give this a lot more thought. maybe go to an information to get more information.


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Thanks very much for your responses. We wouldn't be looking for a sibling group of three right now I imagine, but more if my child is older.


Our finances are fine, we could even afford for both of us to stay home for a while.


Sure we'd need to give it a lot more thought, that was just the first question that comes to mind. Apparently people disagree about the answer which is similar to what I've seen before.


I'm sorry if I phrased things poorly, that wasn't my intention. My concern was that there are e.g. only very few healthy babies and some couples are desperate for one because they can't conceive. If we then got such a baby another family which doesn't have the option to conceive won't be getting one, which sounds sad to me. However, it would be nice to take in children who won't find a home otherwise instead of conceiving ourselves. But for us that is just the first question - even if there was an 'oversupply' of the kind of children we are looking for, that doesn't mean it's necessarily the right choice.


Thank you very much for your responses.


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16 users have supported this.

The question of whether you would be taking a child another couple / person may have been given is not an issue - if you decide to apply and are approved then that is giving more choice of families to the placing social workers and that is a good thing - as its all about finding the best family for that particular child / children. Answers to the other questions will come later. What you need to do is find out as much as you can and if you decide to go ahead then find an agency and apply. The approval process involves looking at how many children, what ages and the effect this will have on your daughter. It also makes you examine what you as a family have to offer and what issues you feel able to deal with (given that there's no certainty around whether a particular child may be affected) Bear in mind it is a process and involves you committing to being open and honest in trying to work out what you want and what you can offer throughout and you can decide it is not right for you at any stage. SWs will want to explore why you choose adoption and not conceiving a child and will want to know that you have explored and thought through all aspects thoroughly


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Hi delmelchior!

We have a birth child and are still able to conceive but decided to adopt our second child. It has been the best decision we ever made, our LO is amazing! I felt exactly the same as you about being placed with a very young child as I couldn't bear the thought of us being matched to a baby over someone who may never get the chance to have one. I discussed this with the social worker when I made initial contact and said we would take a child 3+ because of this - she was quick to point out that the matches are made on what's best for the child, not the adoptive parents. The best thing to do is to keep your age range as wide as possible (considering the age of your bc you are looking at
Now, what I will say is I would really consider taking just a single child, two as an absolute maximum. Children available for adoption are not always easy to parent. They have experienced things that most adults would struggle to cope with. They have poor genetics and bm may have abused drugs/alcohol through her pregnancy. Even if they were removed at birth they have the trauma of moving from foster care (the only parents they've ever known) to a home where everything is different. Some people believe that even little babies suffer trauma of being separated from bm (the primal wound). The impact on your bc will be huge. Your new child(ren) will need the majority of your time and attention which can be hard on an older bc in particular who has been used to having you all to themselves. They may understand initially but if the ac continue to need that level of attention how would they feel then? The ac may be violent towards your bc, show sexualised behaviour, steal etc A sibling group may 'gang up' on your bc. I'm saying worst case things but it does happen. Everything I describe is much easier to deal with if there's only one, and if things go well you could adopt again in a few years.

I would also recommend looking at some of the issues common in adopted children such as attachment problems, ASD, FASD, ADHD. We were quite open with what we were willing to accept but you have to be honest with what you can cope with so good to read/research before you get the dreaded tick list!


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