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Due to disability I would have to do some things differently i.e. I cannot lift a child from standing position or carry a child. I have no doubt attachment and comforting can be achieved in other ways but my question is, if a child is used to doing these things previously with a foster carer would I be rejected by that child for not being able to carry these things out?

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The reality is that most adoptive children will reject and have unsecure attachments. How much your disability will influence your parenting skills I have no idea, in parenting it is all about thinking quicker than the child, preventing things happening, not so much about physical strength.

Children come all the time to adopters who do things differently from foster carers, my child was allowed to eat bread, chips and burges only, the first evening there was no bread, chips or burgers. I leave it to your imagination how he reacted.

Succes on your journey to adoption.

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social workers will look at your overall parenting capacity.

as you are talking about lifting and carrying, I assume you are thinking about babies? Im single, I dont have s disabilty but do have a dodgy back. I wouldnt be too keen on lifting but my son was nearly 8 on arrival so lifting and carrying didnt really come into it.

lifting and carrying isnt just about attachment and comforting though. with babies it may be about some very practical childcare. SWs will,want to see that you have thought about how your disabilty impacts on your abilty to look after a child and what solutions you have come up with. A large part of being a parent is problem solving.

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Hi Supermum

I too am disabled and was originally trying to be matched with a small child until we decided on a wonderful seven year old boy. Yes we do do things in a different way.... physically, and that is it. We can look after children as well as bodied parents. No two able bodied parents do things the same way! You need to be prepared for aw questioning (and questioning....!) how exactly would you cope with a child. Make sure you do your research. Disabled parenting, techniques, coping strategies. Being a disabled mum isn't a new thing, there are lots of us out there. Do the research and arm yourself with information and strategies before speaking to social worker.

Make sure you are focussing on the child's needs and not your own. I know this may sound strange as you do have particular needs but remember adoption is about the wellbeing of children. How we give them the emotional and physical support they need differs from person to person but all for the same reasons. To show them you love them and care for them no matter what. I definitely don't find it easy even though my son is older but it is an amazing feeling and I am blessed to have him. Remember keep it all positive and while you need to think about you, you have to relate it to the child's needs. I said I would do my parenting differently because I'm disabled and I was given a mouthful. Basically don't make it about you. As long as you are forearmed with loss of info you shouldn't have a problem. And by the way there are other single, disabled parents on here too. You're not alone x

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I'm a single adopter with some mobility issues. Like you I struggle to pick up and lift a child but I can provide comfort in other ways. Anyway, something happened to me today which I think answers your question. My lo has been with me for 9 months. She knows I have dodgy hands and joints so doesn't ask to be lifted. However, she's a very tall six year old and today she wanted to sit on my lap as I was sitting on the kitchen chair. I could only tolerate it for a few minutes before I could feel pain in my ankles of all places. I asked her to get up. Her immediate reaction was to hang her head and look upset. She felt rejected by me. She soon settled when I told her to come sit beside me and carry on with her story. I had to tell her I still loved her and I'm sorry that she has a mum with bad joints but we do so many nice things together.

However, I do agree with what Pluto said about most adopted children having insecure attachment. My lo has such a need that she needs to know where I am constantly so me being in another room without her can be seen as rejection. You can't win but you adapt and do the best you can. I know I'm good enough otherwise we would never be where we are now.

I don't do everything the foster carers used to do and I'm sure the foster carers didn't do everything I do. My little one is learning to be with me but definitely sees me as mum.

Oh yes - my limitations was brought up at matching panel by the medical adviser who wanted to know how I would manage my lo if she regressed to the point of wanting to be carried. Well I told them there is no way I could carry her but I would adapt and get down to her level in other ways. My SW backed me up. He was satisfied with my answer but be prepared for similar questions during your assessment.

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