Reflections a month in with birth baby
Our tiny tot landed a month ago. It's been a hugely steep learning curve, one that's been much harder than we expected! Adopted kids are 7 and 8, been home 5 1/2 years.
It's been really insightful, having a birth baby. Really sad too, as we realise just how much our children missed out on when they were tiny. It's made us think a lot about our relationship with our big two. How, tiny one has landed brand new. We're all she's ever known. She's had good 'care' pre natally. She gets cuddles upon cuddles upon cuddles. Her needs are met consistently. As she is brand new, there is no 'behaviour' to deal with, no conflict.
The big ones came as toddlers. Two gorgeous, but full on, challenging toddlers. We've never had this level of eye contact/cuddles etc from our two. There was 'conflict' (in terms of necessary dealing with behaviours etc) from day 1. They came with all their baggage.
This makes me sad
They've missed out on all this with us.
We've missed out on all this with them.
And I think they can see the contrast too. Little Lady this morning started kicking off pretty badly with daddy. Turned out it was after he told the baby how lovely she is. Lots of reassurance about how lovely she is too, but, still, it's tricky.
So, how do we ever fill in the gaps? I guess it's what we've been doing all along, but it seems so stark now we have a birth baby. I guess we can't rewrite their past, but we can go some way to repair it. I really didn't want it to feel any 'different' with a birth child, but it does. It's not that we love the big ones any less, not at all, but it does feel 'different', and that feels uncomfortable.
People's thoughts/experiences appreciated!