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Pre Initial Visit

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Hello We have our initial Visit on Thursday the 30th Which is only 6 days from now! Eeeeee

Ive listened to the BBC4 podcast ( the adoption ) And a few documentaries on youtube!

But can anyone recommend anything else I should look at/ read To get us prepared for our meeting!

Also what should I expect from the meeting?

Thanks Smile


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Hi there, exciting times! Our LA visited us before we could send in a registration of interest (ROI) to be assessed. Not every authority does it in this way, so you might have already submitted your ROI in which case it might all be a bit different. But in our case our initial visit covered all of the things that subsequently came up in the assessment process, but at a very high level: motivation to adopt; our relationship; experience with children; family; finances; health. The social worker also had a quick look round the house. I suppose they're trying to get an idea of whether there are any obvious reasons why they wouldn't be able to assess you.


It sounds like you've been doing all the right things in terms of learning about the process so my advice would be to spend time with your OH chatting about some of the areas I've mentioned above and thinking about anything that might be uncomfortable to talk about so that you can talk about it openly with the SW if it comes up (this is so important to the process overall). You could also think about anything that might be perceived as a 'weakness' and what you might need to do about it during the assessment process so that you're on the front foot (e.g. get more childcare experience through voluntary work; meet up with other adopters; sort out finances; reading about therapeutic parenting techniques; finish any outstanding work on the house or garden).


In our case I found the SW who did our initial visit extremely businesslike to the point of being cold/intimidating, which wasn't what I had expected and she kind of terrified me. I don't say that to scare you but just to highlight that you might or might not click with the person, so don't let that throw you!


I hope it goes well and try to relax as much as you can (I know that's rubbish advice when it's such an important thing!).


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Thank-you so Much for your reply , We've already submitted our ROI we got given one at the information evening.

Luckily me and the husband are very open regarding feelings but Im defiantly going to sit down with him and discuss everything you've mentioned. We've just started volunteering at a scout group on a Wednesday night, As I have A lot of experience with Children coming from a massive family, but The husband defiantly doesn't, He was pretty awkward on our first night there but he has taken to them so well and the kids absolutely love him. Which was amazing to see.

Ive actually started to watch a youtube channel on therapeutic parenting so Im glad thats going to come in handy and I practise PBS ( Positive behaviour support) at work every day as I work with adults with physical and learning disabilities so again Im hoping that will work in my favour!

I think im more worried that Im going to try too hard to be liked and gibe the wrong impression! I get really nervous around officials, where Im actually a really laid back chilled person. As soon as someone is assessing me I end up a nervous blubbering mess!

Im kind of hoping they are used to nerves to start with and give me a bit of le way!

Do you know of any facebook pages that are UK based for Adoption and Fostering? Ive been trying to find some to see if I can find anyone local/ in the same position. But they are all based in the states, and Im sure their procedures are totally different.


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Don't worry, I'm sure they're very used to people being nervous and it does get easier as you get to know them. I had to go for a run before our first visit to calm myself down!!


I don't know of any Facebook groups but AUK do organise things if you're a full member. I also find twitter great for connecting with people. Set up an anonymous profile and there's a very active and friendly community of adopters sharing advice about the process and parenting adopted kids.


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Ah Great Ill do that thanks for your help!


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Things you must do before the first visit:

- clean the entire house from top to bottom including all cupboards and redecorating as necessary

- prepare lots of home cooked food - cupcakes, cookies, soup

- buy really nice coffee and make sure its freshly brewed as they arrive

- make sure you look good - don't forget hairdressers, nail bar, new outfit....

- ummm......

OK, so maybe that's all a bit extreme and totally unnecessary Wink


Seriously - relax and be yourself. The first visit is information finding on both sides - adoption may or may not turn out to be for you, but just being yourselves is the best approach. They are looking for the right people for the children rather than being a service for couples who want to adopt, so try to think of it from a child's perspective and what is important.


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Hahah Im defiantly not that organised! I can supply tea and biscuits though haha! Lots and lots of that x


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We had ours last Monday and are waiting to hear if we will proceed to stage 1. We (Or should I say i) was really anxious and spent the 3 nights prior reading forum after forum but it was really not that bad. all in all took around 3 hours.


The SW arrived: confirmed we had a spare room and non smokers. Then asked 1 at a time to talk through our life from as young as we can remember till the day we met each other. Then I had to do the same. To break up the talking the SW then had a really quick look around the house. We then had to talk together about from the day we met to how we got to sitting with SW today.


A few quick questions: Have you explored alternatives, why adoption, what type of child, whats your concerns etc.


It really did just fly by!


The waiting for the decision is worse!


Let us know how you get on if you do not mind!


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Ah that's a great help thankyou, I've been wondering what we will be asked. I'll show this to the husband, he's been more nervous then me I think.

Xxx


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First and most importantly .. Relax!

You are finding out if they are the right agency for you too!


It sounds like you are making good preparations. I would take a look at Dan Hughes, Bryan Post, Margo Sutherland, a few adoption gurus on You Tube.

I would start thinking about how many children you would like to adopt, but be flexible. Our kids, sadly come with a lot of issues and you need to be able to give each child the time they need. Think about your local support network and also local adoption support network. Fellow adopters will understand/ may have experience of the things you may go through. They are vital and are an absolute godsend in tough times. Look at finances. Many of us ( me included) have given up our careers and either work part time or not at all.


Keep going with the scouts, good experience.


I wish you lots of luck. We did the old adoption process and it was all very quick. Its been a rollercoaster, but worth every minute. We adore our daughter and we are a very tight family.


Swimchic

xx


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How did yours go? If you don’t mind us asking.


We had our phone call yesterday, we’re proceding to Stage One. Which were really happy about.


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Thankyou guys! I appreciate the help!

I think it went fine, I keep replaying the day over in my head to see if there was anything I could have done wrong, I was just very open and honest with them, we had a few laughs and was very relaxed. We've been told we may not find out for a coupled of weeks so its the nervous waiting game now!

Thats amazing Kaj52

Im really pleased for you I hope we dont have to wait too long!! Im very impatient x


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Any news for you guys yet?


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Hopefully Ill find out tomorrow! eeeeee


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Yay. Got the call! We're progressing onto stage one ❤️


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Yay! So happy for you both!


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They're sending out the paperwork in the new year. ❤️


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