Potential sibling adoption!

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Hi All,

New to the site and seeking advice please Smile

Over 12 months ago I met my partner who already has an adopted boy whom she adopted with her wife at the time but have since separated.

Both mums have access to him with no issues but my partner is the main carer .

Both my partner and I are extremely happy and I have a great relationship with her son.

Recently we have heard news that our boys birth mum has had another child and he too is in foster care.

My partner has received a call asking if she would be interested in adopting him to keep the sibling together.

My question here is, as my partner has gone through the process before, would we both be able to adopt the second child? Would I have to go through the process.?

Is it likely to go against us that her previous relationship ended and is going through divorce?

I would really love for us to adopt the new child and keep the boys together but I am unsure of the process and expectations?

I will add that we do not currently live together but have plans to move in together soon, my house has plenty of room for a family so no concerns there.

Sorry for the long message but any advice would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.

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In short, yes, you absolutely will have to go through the process to be able to adopt. Even your partner, despite going through it once before , will go through a version of it again and go back to a panel.

Worth bearing in mind that the fact you do not live together will probably hold you back from adopting together at the moment. You would need to demonstrate an established domestic arrangement for the LO to join.

I would talk to the SW and find out their thoughts.

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Hi Jez,

Yes as above a new adoption requires a whole new assessment as family circumstances change when a child has arrived.

The other questions, yes, these are significant barriers to you and your partner being considered for this child.

Your relationship is very new, you dont cohabit therefore that aspect is untested.

Your partner is going through divorce, very stressful and she is not yet legally single, another issue.

The little one has had to cope with huge changes; the loss of a parent living with him and the introduction of a new potential parent figure. Also how will the new child cope with his sibling having the former partner as his parent but not him? Makes access arrangements more tricky in the long term.

I honestly think once SS are fully aware of these factors they are likely to say that this is not a good time for adding a new child into the mix. I think theyd want to see at least a couple of years stability of you living together and showing the relationship is more likely to stay the course.

I may be wrong, but I would be prepared to be knocked back on this for this new child.

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not a LBGT issue as such but going through a divorce will affect the process. I had to wait at least 6 months post divorce before I could apply to foster (as a singleton) and i'd not lived with him for 8 years at that point, even tho it was amicable. also the length of your relationship, often 2 years minimum (living together) is seen to be needed to show stability. I think its very likely that this sibling would not end up being adopted by your partner and/or you, in current circumstances.

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Initially reading your post I thought yes I’m sure ss will consider you for lo. Then read that there’s a divorce going on, you are newly together and you aren’t under one roof. These things would need to be established for some time before you are considered for adoption. You will both have to be assessed again if you choose to adopt in future.

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I seriously doubt you would be considered as a couple at this stage. When we first looked into fostering/adoption, we had only been married 6 months and hadn't previously lived together and we were told we could not be considered for at least a further year.

There is an outside chance your partner would be considered if she were single, but even then the divorce may prevent her as its a major change and she is not currently in a stable situation. If she were considered as a singleton, she would need to end her relationship with you and probably agree to remain single for a period of time, to give stability to the child.

Sadly it sounds like now is not the right time.

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Hi All thank you for the honest feedback.

We tried contacting relevant people on Friday but apparently the case is being dealt with by an agency who don't work Fridays so will chase again Monday.

Fingers crossed we an work something out as we would really love to give this young one a chance to be raised with his half brother.

Taking on board comments you have all raised though I should probably not get myself to optimistic.

Thanks again!

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Are social workers aware that this is a new relationship and that parents are divorcing?

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