I have posted in this forum before under the heading 'nine years and still struggling' and got some very supportive responses, well now its nearly 10years and we are struggling more than ever. I think I in particular have reached the 'no more energy for it ' stage and life with my ac is just existence. I know i am not helping the situation with her, and i know i am not giving her what she needs but i feel i just can't. As a mother of 3 other birth children my energies are on trying to protect my family, these are my instincts. She is just an alien in my house who is just causing hurt to the family i am trying to protect. i hate myself for this and this was not my vision and my desire when we adopted 10 years ago and we have tried with all sorts of DDP counselling, theory, medication (both her and me) and other resources to try and improve the situation to no avail. The
bottom line is i have never bonded with her and dont now feel i ever will. As such i suppose i lack that empathy to try to understand her actions, her violence, her lies and her manipulation. i dont feel that the situation can improve since i can't give to her when she is the cause of my family's stress. I feel for my bc and wonder how their life would have been without her, all the time i could have given them and how i would now be as a person if it wasn't for the decision we made 10 years ago. Where we all go from here i am not sure . Just continue existing in the hope that the (teenage) years ahead some how make the situation better ?? I dont know. I do feel that we need some regular respite to re-charge, but this seems unavailable . my mother used to help but my ac refuses to go and i think we need more help than the occasional night off. Does anyone out there know if bonding does eventually happen ?? I am shamefully currently in a state where i can't stand her in the same room as me let alone bond. i feel ashamed and saddened , tired and completely out of options. Help can anyone identify with any of this ?