Needing strength like never before
Well the day has finally come - and my AD finally moves out at the age of 28. She came to us at 2 with a horrendous history and has been left with physical, emotional and learning issues (think combination of dyspraxia/ASD/sensory integration and attachment issues) which leave her vulnerable in many ways but unfortunately doesn't fall into any convenient pigeon hole which has offered support of course. So we have picked our way on our own for the most part (buoyed up by the support of many here over the years) despite allegations, running away and self harm of various sorts and despite years of direct contact with bm and grandparents (which had its benefits I might add as well as challenges), a longing to reconnect again as an adult has been rekindled via social media of late - without the safeguards we could maintain for her as she was an adult - unfortunately resulting in very negative impacts on her emotional health - but like a moth to a flame she has been drawn to that chaos which has impacted greatly on us too whilst she worked out her issues.
However the child that every else said would never amount to much
Managed to finish school and get some GCSE's and go on to college
Has held down a job first part time as a Saturday girl and then full time since 16 surviving several redundancy scares, relocations and loss of supportive managers - incredibly tough for someone who struggles with change
Learned to drive
Is now just beginning to make relationships with work colleagues into something more
Has had to deal up close with the very recent death of a significant adult in her life - her beloved Grandad
And with our support (when her emotional swings let us that is) she has found a little private rental place ten minutes away to take another step into independence - it will be a real struggle financially and that has just dawned on her despite trying to help her understand that budgets don't stretch to infinity - to her credit at the last hour she has found a few hours extra work every night that means she has a little more breathing space come rent day.
We don't know how things will work out - we do fear that despite our best efforts she will drift back to the chaos of birth family as that is just easier and at least in her head it is somewhere she might belong again (the reality is far from that sadly) and what our ds has eventually done in his later years albeit we do still see or hear from time to time - though much less so these days and although they have a trauma bond that has never gone away - it is a draw for her (more so than for him).
And tomorrow morning we will sadly have to say another goodbye - to our beloved dog who at 14 needs to cross the Rainbow bridge. The timing is awful not least in that he arrived after the loss of our last dog which occurred when DS moved on and has been a real comfort to her and us. She knows he is on borrowed time but not yet about tomorrow as she is so preoccupied with moving out today.
We have lost so many friends and family of late - I guess the time of our lives - but already feeling completely bereft and struggling to keep upright as all the losses seem to be colliding right now and my natural optimism has deserted me for once.
Well off to see if my little boy will manage a short walk today.