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Missing for third time - HELP

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OMG - I am here again. MY AD is refusing to come home again and after telling Out of Hours PA SW she did not want to come home, but does not know where she is going and refuses to say where she is to any of us, I am at my wits end again.


Had to report to Police for third time in so many weeks and I was on the phone for over 20 minutes going through there same questions and them not listening which is beyond a joke now. AD did say to SW she did not want Police involved so her and her friend did not get in to trouble, but still refusing to say what she was doing. She has switched off data so I can't locate the iPhone and continues to ignore my calls or messages. First time she was in a young persons Hostel full of who knows what and the Police had to take 2 squad cars and threaten to break the door down for nearly an hour and I got her back at 3:30 a.m. Second time she stormed off with no means (coat, phone, bus pass or money), but did come back after 6 hours, but Police visited 2 weeks later to do the Missing Report!


I feel like I am dreaming and someone is having a laugh at my expense.


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((Hugs))


It is tough. You are doing the right things - you do need to keep reporting her to the police and it should trigger some extra support for you both.


Do try to find some space to look after yourself in the midst off all this


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We have just sorted some additional support Re CSE, but to be understand I don’t think the worker truly understands the issue. She is HIGH RISK OF CSE & it is getting worse she seems to be offering sex to any sex who is interested and one guy who seems to be taking an interest as he is bi has been bragging about sleeping with a boy in Year 10 and putting stuff out saying desperate for sex and I have just been informed by SW that is who she is now with!!


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I have updated the Police with this information and you know what they were so not interested I could have screamed!


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So sorry to read this.

Had a conversation with our now 17 yr old about her earlier teenage behaviours and wanted to see if there were any insights with the passage of time but she just said that it was because she was being a "total sh#t" then.

Things did improve in our relationship and she is loving now but however we had many police calls and visits and she did not realise that we were very concerned for her safety.

It was a dreadful time and for her health and safety and ours , we did end up using Section 20.

Keep strong and hope you have some easier times ahead.


Johanna x


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Hi All she is home - her so called friend rang me at 9:20 to say on her way home alone via tram and buses. It took well over an hour, but home safe and all she said was "can you charge my phone as don't have the charger"


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Hi camcam


Sorry she’s leading you all on a merry dance. Tbh I realised after many, many missing and call the police times that actually my AD couldn’t give a flying fart and was off having a fantastic time.

Yes she was drinking smoking and getting involved with some awful people who have a long record of CSE.

I did find out about some of this because the police were actually pretty good in some areas and not others.

They slapped harbouring notices and then attempted kidnapping notices on the people who’s flats / areas Blossom was often found in. They then turned away the girls looking for a ‘fun’ night out because they were iffy at best and certainly did not want lots of police attention.

But after that Blossom did stuff like jump on trains to various places

Anyway

I was incredibly distressed by those events. Mr pt and I developed a trauma response to her being missing and even now if the phone rings beyond 10pm we jump a mile!

Anyway the best tips I found are here:
https://thepotatogroup.org.uk/?s=Leggit+and+scarper&submit=Search


From our experience and that of others, it does pass. Awful though it is.


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Police visited us at 11p.m whilst she was in bed so she was angry at me for letting them in and she had to get up and do the interview. She was extremely cocky and the male Officer told her to settle down and less of the attitude as it was serious why they were visiting. They tried to explain the risk and seriousness of wandering the streets and going to a recreation ground which is known for attacks and rapes with people she has only known for 2 - 3 months and are not known to family. She said she trusted them with her life and when the Officer said - how do you know that, you won't give address or full names, what have they got to hide. Also you have heard of Birmingham and Rotherham on the news re CSE and you know how serious this can get and you can very easily get in with the wrong group which would have a very negative effect on your life and job prospects and she wants to do childcare, which she is studying at College. She was having none of it and all she said was I need my bed, but they kept re-iterating how serious this is etc. This is now her third Missing Report so I have been informed that there will now be a multi-agency meeting and more people getting involed which she said after the first time (she hates SServ) she did not want to happen. It just shows how immature she is and traying to explain to the Police she may be 16 in age, but emotionally you are talking at age 8. College, CAMHS, SW and CSE Workers have all been updated with this information. Luckily I have a meeting booked in Wednesday to see them all bar College so lets see what happens. She just seems to be going along a path of self destruction and having no respect for herself whatsoever. I know most teenagers go through several stages, but our children have gone through some much trauma which she has still not dealt with and may never fully deal with and she is inviting more which she may never recover from. Its quite worrying though.


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Yes teenagers do but the level, frequency, lack of inhibition, completely impulsive stuff is a completely different level in traumatised adoptees.


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She has come home tonight very angry as met with College Support. More so because the CSE Worker has let slip she is meeting me, SW & CAMHS, which we would have told her later as she panics when she knows people are meeting about her and we have the Multi-Agency meeting to come yet which again she is angry about. I tried to explain you were told after you went missing first what would happen should you do it two more times! She is angry and called me stupid for saying she was missing when she says was with friends. She said she is pushing me away and taking the risks and not bothered who she hurts and if she gets hurts


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Met with PASW, CAMHS and the CSE Worker basically to make sure everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet. The CSE Worker seemed to take offence that we were saying what we wanted as she has her programme to follow, will not keep secrets and knows how teenagers work! - LOL. I said you may work with various teenagers, but you will never truly understand unless you are living it. She did not seem to get the manipulation which the CAMHS Worker was saying that AD is very very good at playing people of each other and what wound me up was she said "I have read the file" I could of hit her, but obviously didn't. I was just saying to really need to understand the concerns I have. We are now having a Multi-Agency meeting next week.


My AD is now saying to everyone that she wants to be put back into care as I am a "Fxxxing Spineless Bitch. CAMHS are saying that she can't seemed to handle a Peer Relationship as well as a home life and is pushing me away. Obviously I am not going to allow her to go back into care. She is so adamant in putting herself at risk to push me away - (her words) that i have said as an emergency that she needs the safe relationship work. - She is not speaking to me at the moment so I really need this CSE Worker to do her job!


It is killing me.


Does anyone know what happens at this meeting and what happens next or if their child is saying wants to go back into care? Do I need to get Professional advise?


Any advise is much much appreciated. Thank you


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