Meeting siblings

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We are due to meet the siblings of our soon-to-be child and we were wondering if anyone had had a similar experience and what you discussed. Or if you have any things you would ask if you were in the same situation. Both siblings are young but grown up enough to understand what is going on.

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I don't have any experience in this, but just wanted to say good luck, and hope it all goes well.

Not sure what the situation is here - whether your child will remain in contact with their siblings ( face to face or just via letterbox), whether they live with them already (am assuming not), whether they know them at all etc. If I was in your situation, I'd be thinking about what my child would want to know about their siblings when they get a little older. You can then have some first hand experiences and stories to tell of them.

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I would try and just take it as it comes - you'll probably find it just flows, somehow - hopefully their parent/carer will help that along. Depending on what any future contact arrangements might be, they might want to know what to call you (you might want to discuss that with their carers/parents/sws first - not sure what their living arrangements are). We were advised to take our kids' siblings a wee gift when we met them - we took medium small soft toys for them, which were well received. There wasn't much 'conversation' as such, but they were interested in us, and very observant, understandably. They were still in foster care at the time, and we've had regular F2F contact with them since then and into the siblings' adoption. I can't recommend some kind of contact with siblings enough (provided its safe and there are no issues). We see them 3 or 4 times a year now, and I find it very emotional, in a good way. I think we're doing a really good , really important thing for our kids, and I think of the siblings as kind of an extended family. If contact isn't on the cards for some reason, I would agree with what Vegpatch says above. I never bargained for how much I would care about what happens to my kids siblings, I'm so happy to see them with their own forever family.

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We met the siblings of our AS during introductions. He had been going to the same school as them and can also remember being in the birth family with them, although they were in foster are separately. We met at a contact centre and there were lots of toys there and also their foster carer and social worker. It was an informal meeting though. They played, we all took photos, exchanged presents etc. Like Haven says, I think we were being observed by the children and probably being weighed up!

We have 2 direct contacts with them each year. I would say that AS's relationship with them is close and he misses them loads. I wish we could see them more. And yes, we've become fond of them too and feel they are kind of extended family.

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All situations are different. We met our AS older brother by 5 years at the begining of the process. They continued to have contact for 2 years, initially our AS enjoyed seeing him. His brother liked to talk about their life when they lived together, which is normal. As AS got older he found that those memories were not something he needed reminded of and that they had very little in common and has since chosen not to have contact. He's much happpier now. Good luck :-)

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Ongoing contact with our children's older brother has also not been straightforward. If this is something that is planned I would personally make sure it is always done via social services and at a neutral venue, as the young lad we met up with for a number of years very successfully (including at our home) then went off the rails, leaving the kids concerned about him, and us concerned about our family's safety. You never know what is round the corner....

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