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I have Asperger's and Dyslexia will this stop us adopting?

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I have Asperger's and Dyslexia, it is what makes me "Me" but will it put agencies off putting me and my wife forward as adopters?


I was diagnosed with Dyslexia while at university some 20 years ago and I have seen people react in very different ways, mainly negative, as I'm not able to be put in a "defined box". I was even forced to retire early because my employer didn't want to put in "Reasonable Adjustment".


In the process of coming to terms with my forced retirement found out that I also had Asperger's Syndrome and although the diagnosis answered a lot of questions about why and how I do things it has changed some peoples attitude to me.


Having also gone through 5 years of IVF where we suffered 4 failed cycles and a miscarriage I don't want my wife to go through anymore rejection.


Does anyone have any advice?


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3 users have supported this.

I cannot say about Aspergers but I have Dyslexia and Dyspraxia, Due to this I can go off topic when discussing painful memories as my brain is not lateral. I was asked if I would see a councillor who could confirm that this was my way of processing and thinking.


It did not stop us, it was seen as a strength I just had to show it was not an avoidance strategy.


Good luck being the parent of a LO is amazing.


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4 users have supported this.

You may need to talk to different agencies to get a take on this. It should not prevent you adopting but some agencies are more flexible then others. You can use it to your advantage and say it will give you an insight in to understanding and finding help for any children placed.


I can understand you don't want your wife to go through any more rejection but sometimes you may find adopted children may reject you. Read up on attachment and trauma as many of our children have suffered greatly before being adopted.


Good luck


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4 users have supported this.

I think with as any disability you will need to demonstrate and evidence how you will manage it in the context of being a parent, particularly if your adoptive child has ASD.

My son has ASD, I go to a mum's support group. Two of the mums also have husbands with ASD. It can make life difficult at times, but often because the husbands lack self awareness of their condition.

My son's younger brother is being assessed for ASD. BIrth dad's behaviour ( we have met numerous times) screams ASD to me but he is not diagnosed. I'm sure it contributed to his lack of ability to care for his childrenew.

I don't think this means that you couldn't or shouldn't adopt. But that you need to pre-empt concerns an SW might raise. Think about your behaviours and triggers and how you and your wife would manage them with a child in the picture. Try voluntary agencies. They tend to be more open to differenew. Good luck.


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5 users have supported this.

I have dyslexia and it didn't cause problems with our approval, other things did but not my dyslexia, we went with a VA (voluntary Agency).


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5 users have supported this.

As autism's core problem is difficulties with social interactions and communication I tend to think that this will be an huge obstacle. Many birth parents are undiagnosed and somewhere on the spectrum often self medicating alcohol or drugs. The autisme is the reason they can not care for their offspring. It is important to be aware of this, or adoption is possible in your case nobody can tell , you have to call several agencies and ask them.

You make yourself more attractive by having a lot of experience in childcare, preferable special needs children. You can concider taking a holiday child from the chernobyl project, those kids come for respite and stay two weeks to a month. That way you might get more insight and give concrete examples that your autisme is not a problem or if it is how you dealt with the problems.


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4 users have supported this.

I have autistic tendencies - indeed my Mum said to SW during our assessment that these days I would probably have been on autism pathway (for high-functioning) from a young age. I am also dyspraxic and have a number of managed long term medical conditions. However none of these stopped us from being able to adopt although we did have some detailed discussions during home study. However my husband and I had discussed it at length before hand and knew exactly what strategies I use or could use to deal with many problems. Indeed at points the autism has been a blessing as it has enabled me to ignore the people around me and deal with my son's tantrums/meltdowns in public in my way.


can't believe what your employer did over dyslexia - my brother is severely dyslexic (amongst autism, dyspraxia & ADHD) and he has always had adjustments made.


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6 users have supported this.

It is also entirely possible that as a person with Asperger you may be able to relate to children with aspergers. There are plenty of aspergers people who bring up children successfully. There may be people who would see it as an issue, and I agree that a VA would be possibly more open, but being on the spectrum shouldn't be a barrier to being a parent.


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8 users have supported this.

Also some of the behaviours of looked after children can present a bit like children with autism...... so you might have insights that others don't. Good luck. Oh and I have PMd you.


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5 users have supported this.

Undiagnosed ASD can often be a factor in a parent's inability to bring up children, but I don't think it can be simplified into the autism being the reason they can't bring up children. Not all people with aspergers self medicate with drugs or alcohol and there are plenty of scientists, engineers and founders of massive computer companies that very successfully bring up children, get married and have fulfilling lives. If however someone is brought up undiagnosed in a family where there is also undiagnosed conditions, combined with all the other factors that end up with children being removed, then that may well end up in family breakdown. I do know a number of aspergers people who are happily married, with successful careers and lovely children (who tend to be on the spectrum too). Hugs forum. Just thought I would point that out, hope that is ok.


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5 users have supported this.

Might be interesting to read, https://theneurotypical.com/parents-with-aspergers.html


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3 users have supported this.

It was interesting to read, but I would say again that I also know that parents with aspergers can make great parents.


"Moms and dads on the spectrum cope with what are essentially neurological insults by any of a number of means: by leaving the situation, by shutting down, melting down or through withdrawing from the toxic stimuli. This fact leaves kids to fend for themselves. [7]"


This is stated as fact and it is not true.


Not in my own personal experience.


Have a great day everyone. X


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6 users have supported this.

Ofcourse some people with autisme are parents and do just fine, others not and the children have a hard time, as do partners. It depends on many circumstances. The reason for posting is to make Bop74 aware that some sw might have strong views on the matter and this sort of article and maybe experience of removing children from autistic parents what can make them less open to investigate what Bop has to offer a child. It gives a clear view what exactly makes parenting with autisme tricky, this has nothing to do with the fact that nobody is perfect and everyone hurts their children in one or other way, that's true. The reason why I said get parental experience is so Bop74 can 'prove' that the issues mentioned in this article do not apply to him or where they do (there must be a few point otherwhise you do not get an autisme diagnosis) how he is aware of those and how he dealt with those situations. In the case where a prospective adopter has serious issues what can influence how you parent (the same with any mental problem, like depression) you need come well prepaired to the table as this makes your chance to achieve many times higher.


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5 users have supported this.

All good valid points, Pluto. Xxx


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6 users have supported this.

I think there is an expression - know an autistic person then you know one autistic person (or something similar) - meaning that everyone presents differently although the deficits may be the same. I think you said the diagnosis is fairly recent? I would advise getting some further advice - not on general aspects - but on your own particular features which led to the diagnosis and how these impact on your life. Perhaps you could find a counsellor who has experience of ASD and dyslexia who could look with you at how these effect you as an individual and what sort of strategies you currently use and some you could perhaps learn bearing in mind your intention to adopt. So ideally someone with experience of adoption too. I think self knowledge is very powerful and a definite benefit when going through an assessment and if you are able to show you are being pro-active it should make a great difference to your case.


I have 2 daughters who are dyslexic - one BD became a commissioning editor with a major publishers - the other AD has ADHD, speech and language difficulties, a social communication disorder and current mental health problems. She can barely manage to read. The first was able to develop many strategies to help her cope - the second not so.The various issues all impact upon each other. If you can gain more insight into your own difficulties it will help you gain insight into those of any potential children you may have and can only be of benefit. It is not only gaining the insight but being able to demonstrate this which will help you the most.


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Hi Safia

Thank you for your words. Fortunately, for me, I think I’m more like your first daughter. I have just finished a course of coping strategy lessons, to help me identify and improve my current strategies and develop better ones. The course was tailored to my personal needs and I have found it both eye opening and extremely useful.

I have got to say, It was a bit of a shock when I was told, I was dyslexic as I was at university studying Engineering. I just thought I was bad at English and drawing by hand. The Aspie diagnosis came as another bolt out of the blue, 20 years later.

I was told I was a high functioning Aspie and although my dyslexia is severe most people never have a problem with me and on the whole my skills have been welcomed. However, I have had some issues with people who were not able to accept my abilities and have only been interested in the things I struggled with. You would not believe the amount of prejudice that still exists. Just before I retired, I was in a meeting where my manager told two of my colleagues not to stand to close to me as my dyslexia could be contagious.

In my late 20’s I took 2 years out, of my engineering career, to retrain as a secondary school teacher. I passed through teacher training with flying colours. I was told by a number of teachers that people who have dyslexia have no place in education. Strangely with this attitude I never managed to get a permanent job so I returned to engineering. In the more recent child care front my sister is a single parent so I have to act as a male role model for my 5 year old niece. Yes I have had one or two issues involving pink fluffy unicorns, princesses and similar things but I not sure if this is anything to do with my “disabilities” or just being an “untrained male”.

Over the last year I have come to recognise that If I didn’t have both of these conditions I wouldn’t be Me and I wouldn’t have some of the skills and abilities I have. Yes I do struggle with somethings, ie reading and writing but with a little tech help I now run my own business that allows me to use my skills and abilities without having to listen to people who say no you can’t do that because you haven’t filled in the correct form or I haven’t written a 40 page report. I have a great PA who works wonders with the paperwork. It’s wonderful! Very little work stress, flexible working times and it means that I could be a hands on stay at home Dad.


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Its sounds like you have nothing to worry about as you have gone through a lot in relation to both conditions - both in your experiences and your own understanding and seem well prepared. I can't believe the prejudice you have encountered! - especially in education (I was a teacher and head teacher myself) as I would have thought that - like with adoption - dyslexia is something that could be turned to your advantage in education. Having experienced this you will be well attuned to the experiences many of our children will have. As I said above - the difference between my daughters is due to the co-morbid conditions the younger one has and related to the fact that the younger one is adopted no doubt. So your own experiences will help with understanding any needs your own children may have in the future - whatever these may be. Just make sure you have thought everything through well - how things affect you and strategies you can and do use. Good luck!


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Thank you


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What horrible employers u used to have don't they know there's equality act out I am dyslexic have dyscalculia and dyspraxia I been in boat same u mangers don't understand nearly got medial redeployed had good ox health man and me being me said let them I take them to court long story short went to a better job with same company and have an amazing boss now 100% backs me in all I do.

Its not a barrier to adopting if anything u help child who may have Learning disability good luck never let anyone keep u down


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4 users have supported this.

I do not think anybody has ever been rejected because of dyslexia, pressuming the person has no learning disabilities. I can however imagen that in certain cases a diagnosis of asd prevents a person from adopting.


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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4773116/I-married-man-Asperger...


Thought this article might be an interesting uplifting read for you Bob74. Good luck.


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Thanks for that Big.


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I am very sorry to say but the family in the article is very young with children under four, it is impossible to know how the fact that the father has autisme will affect the children in the future. A good father for a four year old might not be a good father for a fourteen year old. I do not say this will be the case, I have no idea. All I know is that it is impossible to draw conclusions longterm from a story like this.


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I think its just an example of where it has worked well - so far - as you say. My grandson has high functioning autism - so similar in terms of ability - he could not be reliably left in charge of the dog at the moment - in terms of remembering to feed and walk him - but he is only 15 and I could see that if HE wanted to look after a child in the future it could work. As you say teenagers are a different story - as are adopted children - but that is the case with many parents - so someone cannot be ruled out without a thorough assessment of their parenting capacity (as far as anyone can say)


Its a really lovely heart-warming article - I sent my daughter the link!


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8 users have supported this.

It's been a while since I posted anything so I though I should update people on our progress so far. We did take the plunge and applied to be prospective adoptive parents. We weren't rejected out of hand as feared and we are now 6 weeks into stage 1. We have done a few days in a nursery, great fun I think I have missed my calling in life. We have had to jump through a few more hoops but its something we have to do to prove our selves. The biggest challenge so far, for me, has been the paperwork.

I will promise to post more when we have more new


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Great to hear things are progressing well Bob. As I said originally I am an adoptive parent with autistic tendencies - although as a female I present differently and also have learnt over many years strategies to deal with them. I still hate taking my son to parties and having to deal with all the strangers (although slowly I am getting to know people). We also had to jump through a few more hoops and my autism came up at panel but due to the many discussions we had had with our SW and indeed my husband and I had together we were able to talk about how we would manage.


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We have just been given the green light to move on to stage 2 of the process. Not sure what happens next apart from there is a 16 week process which we are starting after Christmas for the usual reasons.


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