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how do u decied on age thats right for u?

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How do u decide on age that's right for u?

I single need to be able to go back to work part/time but can't decide on age child


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8 users have supported this.

I think you have to look at your own set of circumstances and whats important to you


I just wanted to be a mum. I'm not overly fond of babies, as much as I love my god daughter, changed the nappies, fed her etc etc, I was quite happy to hand her back, until she was about 4/5. Looking at my friends and their families, if I went too young, my child would have no playmates in my circle. Going back to work and cost of childcare a huge factor.


So school age for me never in doubt.


Having been through it now, think about practical things about getting out and about with a very young child. I think I would have felt very confined with a toddler. From the beginning I was able to get out and about with my son, cinema, theatre, eating out. But thats my experience.

whats important to you


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I first started looking into adoption when I was in my 30s. At that time I wanted baby. Back then it was adoption equalled baby. I finally started the adoption process in my mid 40s and by then my priorities had changed. I'm single and work full time. I have a health condition which means I find it difficult to lift heavy objects which includes small babies. My parents had both passed by then so I would have to rely on my wider support network for support. All in all I decided that an older child would be right for me and I was approved to adopt a child between 3 and 7. I actually focussed on school aged children during the matching process.


It was very important for me to be matched with the right child one which I could meet their needs. I thought that with an older child that many of their needs would already be identified. I now realise that this is not always the case but at least I had a fair idea of what I was taking in. My AD is truly the right match for me. As an older child she comes with her own issues but we have managed to work through them. She is articulate and I am getting better at reading her behaviours and she responds positively to what I say. A younger child

cant voice their feelings. It also turns out that my AD is a similar age to my close friends children so she has some playmates of a similar age even though most of her cousins are older (but they make excellent babysitters).


As a single adopter it was important to me that a went back to work and a school aged child suited my lifestyle. I was approached by social workers for a two year old and also a one year old but I turned them down as I didn't think I had the energy to manage them.


Think about age range but this is just a starting point. You will explore age range more throughout the homestudy. The key is making sure you are matched to a child you think you can meet their needs. Also many agencies will only take on adopters who could potentially match the needs of the children they have to place. There are many people looking for babies but not so many looking for harder to place children which include older children, sibling groups, children with complex needs, ethnic minorities etc.


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How much do u need to have in savings or over pay morage by before the s/worker will except you?

I don't earn great amount currently 2 jobs 21,000 year have okish morage re-morgeing soon so hopefully stay same have car to run. Just worry I never be able to afford a child on my own and keep car house


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7 users have supported this.

there is no set amount. What SWs will want to see is that you can afford a child and cover a decent amount of adoption leave and that depends on your own set of circumstances.


The only point overpaying your mortgage is if you are going to take a mortgage holiday to help with adoption leave. Thats fine but if thats not the plan then don't bother. I was very lucky to have a generous adoption leave so I never overpaid my mortgage. Although I was off for a year, only three months was unpaid. so I didnt need massive savings.


As Ive said in previous posts, I really think you will struggle to overpay, save and do work on your house on one salary. I was earning a lot more than you and I couldnt have done it.


You need a plan rather than just aiming for an arbitry amount of savings. What you need to cover adoption leave will differ from what anyone else needs depending on the cost of mortgage/rent, council tax utilities, car etc etc, what you will receive in adoption pay.

Do a proper monthly budget, work out what your income is likely to be, - adoption pay, child benefit, tax credits and look at your outgoings. That should give you a target for savings


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3 users have supported this.