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Hoping to adopt - I have had brain damage

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Hi


I'm hoping to adopt, I have an information evening in March, and hope to start assessment after my next (and hopefully final operation) in May where I am having a titanium plate fitted to my skull (I have a hole where they had to remove 2 sections of skull).


My speech, balance, general mobility issues are what I am now living with, but I am now registered disabled and have an accessibility car (I can't find the words to explain how it feels to have my freedom back , I had to be a year fit free before the DVLA gave me my license back).


I have had a few lengthy chats with SW already, and I explained that due to my balance, I wouldn't be able to carry a baby up the stairs, so with much thought, we'd like to be considered for adopting a 4-8 year old boy or girl.


But onwards and upwards, and am doing my best to look forward, I know my limits and where I have to set my own boundaries.


I have plenty of love to give, and I'm hoping there is a little one out there waiting to find me :-)


Any tips/words or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.


Thanks


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53 users have supported this.

You sound like you have lots to gives it won't be an easy journey but we can hold your hand. You've been through so much, you will have to go through so much more. Good luck.


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59 users have supported this.

Hi


They will normally want you to completely have settled after the op, plus evidence that you've had counselling to work through the losses around not having bc.

I have carried a baby up and down stairs. Mei Tai sling and stair lift.....

Amazing what can be achieved.

Not sure much in adoption is about love to give, you're obviously really maternal, but it's going to be about living 24/7 with a child who has a brain effected by repeated early trauma.

All the best


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51 users have supported this.

Thank you both Earendil & Pear Tree xx


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32 users have supported this.

Hi there


Like Peartree, I think that any agency/local authority will want to see things settled post op before starting assessments.

I guess that an early medical report would be done to highlight areas that could be troublesome.

How long ago was the head injury/brain damage?

They will almost certainly ask what will happen if you have problems - so if you were to fall and unable to get up who could you call to come immediately and help with your child etc?

I have epilepsy and although fit free for over 3 years I needed to show an action plan for keeping my child safe.

Good luck.


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Oh OK, my actual accident was 1 Sep 2012, and had extensive brain surgery that night, and I was taken back in Aug 2013 and April 2014 to have sections of skull removed, and I'm not having the titanium plate fitted until 5 May. The Adoption team SW's that I have spoken to (had 2 lengthy chats recently) just advised that we hold off starting the assessment until once I've had my plate done and healed etc, which means we need to attend another information evening, which of course is fine, I hadn't thought about that, if I were to fall, I'll get my thinking cap on and talk to my neighbour and see if she would be my back up if ever needed. I'm on anti convulsant medication (3 times a day), and I'll be on that for life they said, again which is fine.


Thank you, I really appreciate it :-)


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52 users have supported this.

Sounds like you have had a very rocky road!

I would maybe use the time between now and healing to read up on adoption issues, trauma, etc but would probably be tempted not to rush into things. It's obviously been a very traumatic few years for you. I have had brain surgery, much much more minor, and I know how much even very minor surgery can take it out of you.

The assessment process is exhausting alone but then parenting a traumatised child is beyond exhausting. You will need to be healed and well.

Our little boy has been with us 10 months and only really now started sleeping through the night and even that isn't consistent. Day to day care is hard hitting too. It's just hard, rewarding yes, but terribly hard.

Get yourself well, give yourself time. It doesn't have to be time wasted, more time preparing


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Thank you Ally, I've got the BAAF book "adopting a child" to start reading at lunch time :-)


Best wishes


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