Helping BC post placement of AS

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We are 3 weeks into the placement of our 4year old AS. Our BS is 9, the excitement of a little brother has turned to reality and we are looking for ways to help him.

Our AS has a few tantrums, not daily but of course these come as a surprise to a 9 year old who has been an only child until now. he finds this upsetting and it can make him angry towards AC.

We are ensuring 1-1 time for BC and trying to ensure we have lots of calm time for all. We know it will settle down and have confidence they can bond with time.

I wondered if others have had the same experience and have any words of wisdom to share.

Also any suggestions for books that could help BC to talk about his feelings and to explain why we need to be understanding with AS ?

Many thanks!

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Hi, my bc is 9 and she's quite sensitive. I wonder if your bc is picking up some of the upset around your AC having his tantrums?

There's the adoption uk book 'oh brother!' Book that could help.

There's also a book by Usbourne called 'inside my head' I think, it's got lots of lift flap and find more info, with carefully explained differences in brains and how they can be changed about in people. I'm making it sound like a young child's book but would say it's mid-upper primary in feel. My favourite books are the todd part books about different families. He might like to share these with his new sibling.

Just a thought, as they get more established perhaps look at doing an outward bounds type activity (mini break?) where they need each other.

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I think it's quite difficult to separate the fact of suddenly having a sibling and the fact that they are adopted (aren't asleep a lot of the time like newborns, easier to imagine it not having happened). A bit different but AS was a only bit younger when my AD arrived and did need some support from his therapist. She had him interview lots of adults he knew who had siblings about what it was like to have a brother or sister - my brother, his grandfather etc. who - as you would expect - all reported things they had liked and things they had not liked. It also really helped him understand that the relationship would be different at different times and ages, all of which made it easier to process I think.

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