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grandchildren loved and lost

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My AS and his wife have had 6 children. The first three went into long term foster care. The fourth was adopted. The youngest two are now in care. Today I met up with an independent expert who is writing a report. We had a very long talk. My son had many problems, including ADHD and FASD, but he has been by far the better parent and has been caring and kind to the children. His wife however is very dominating. She fits the profile of someone suffering from antisocial personality disorder. The two youngest children have been taken into care on account of my DIL's behaviour and failings. She is a toxic mother. The plan is that the two youngest children will remain in care, the youngest to be adopted. If they have more children, each baby will be removed at birth and go for adoption. It is all very sad. My DIL is following the pattern of her own mother, who would also qualify for a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. All of her 8 children went into care. I therefore now have no grandchildren. My AD has no children by choice (she has had two terminations).


I cope with the loss in my own way. Six months ago I adopted a little dog from Romania. I share her with my daughter who adores her. The little dog has done so well. I plan to adopt another. I also support two young girls living in poverty, one in Africa and one in South America. I love getting their letters and drawings. I keep myself busy. I'm still studying for an Open University science degree, play the piano and do art. I still enjoy life.


Lily x


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Oh lily so sorry to hear of all these losses. It is so hearbreaking all round !

But what an inspiration you are to still be able to give so much back to others ( and your doggies ) despite your sadness.

I wish you nothing but good things for the future . X


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((((((((((lily))))))))


is there no chance of letterbox with the grandchildren


I'm glad you can find enjoyment in life, you deserve it xx


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Oh hugs, hugs, hugs. That is hard. No more words, more hugs xxxxx


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Oh Lily sending warm hugs to you. I know that this is what you feared. A very sad story but hopefully the younger children will be adopted with love and not toxicity in the home.

I lost my mum recently to cancer and for many years she supported children abroad and took pleasure in letters which arrived. It was part of my growing up and my interest in child development.

Hoping your studies go well.

Glad that you have your dog to share with your daughter.

In my thoughts Lily


Johanna x


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((((()))))) so sad, I know this is what you feared, your loss and your sons loss and your DD all so very sad.


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So sorry lily. I've followed your story for a long time, and hoped along with you that your son would be able to take the next step in being a parent Sad


I also have little contact with my grandson. DD1 has a 'sleep over' with him most Friday nights, apparently, but doesn't do anything else to be his mother. I wish he could be adopted as he is being passed around his father's family. He's fed, he's clean, but that's about it.


The cycle repeating itself.


I'm lucky that DD2 is doing well at the moment (teen years still to come).


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What an inspiration to others, you are Lily. Been through so much, but still have the time to dedicate supporting others going through similar problems.

I am gutted for you, your AS and ADL. How sad that these children are suffering and had to be put into care, you must feel totally helpless, esp when you see that your AS is a good parent..

What has went wrong for all these people who are and will be in the future caught up in this cycle and unable to change..society is failing badly..something needs to be done but what.

I can see with my AD that already she sees her daughter as someone she loves totally , but already see her being used in the fight for control, she will always be in the middle of her mums drama.. i am scared what the future will bring when that novelty wears off..


I have two dogs, whom have helped me a great deal by going for long walks the unconditional love Ect..

I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much heartache xxx


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