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I wish I could say things had changed more over the last 35 years.

We had a meeting about our 17 yr old recently and so much information did not seem to be passed on or acted upon.

It took me back to when we fostered her mother and moved counties. So many problems were caused by information being omitted or discounted. This directly impacted on her life and on ours.

I guess I am sad that I am making a complaint officially for something we thought would be understood.

I am also attending doctor appointments for the girls to do with their issues.

I am tired .... We will attend a meeting with a Team manager shortly as part of the Complaint procedure and a lot of health appointments to do with the girls.

I lost my mum to cancer last Xmas and my dad is unwell. We are helping out with the next generation as both girls are mothers and we have four little ones in the family.

I just want to let off steam.


Johanna


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8 users have supported this.

Dear Johanna


I am sorry to hear that things are so tough and I do empathise. You have been doing this even longer than me! But I have been doing it for 25 years. I too am shocked at how little things have changed and how the same mistakes keep being made. Twenty five years ago I was battling to get both children diagnosed with ADHD. It took me 4 years and caused me so much stress. I came across such ignorance and prejudice from the professionals who should have been experts on the condition. I see exactly the same battles being fought today.


I also have seen very poor practice by social workers and often there is a rush to blame the adoptive parents for problems. You will remember that recently my DD was having massive problems and I was reliving how she was as a teenager - behaviour out of control, liaising with health professionals, coping with one emergency after another. I have stepped back now and things at present are calmer.


I am sorry to hear about your mum and dad. My mother died too last January and my best friend died unexpectedly on Christmas Day but I had no time to mourn as I was dealing with urgent problems of DD and DS. It can seem never ending.


You are always so kind and sympathetic to people struggling on the boards and have done so much for your family. I hope things get better for you and that your dad gets better.


Lily xx


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Thanks Lily ....

We took young miss, her partner and babe out for the day for "green therapy" and I feel less stressed.

It is the thought of the same poor practice which riles me. I am not a combative person by nature and facing these meetings going over the same old issues is upsetting.

Fortunately though the girls are currently receptive to doctor/ counselling support and somehow or other we will help them access appropriate help.

I know that you have shown remarkable strength in supporting your family and you have been an inspiration to me, Lily, as have others on the board.

Thanks for understanding..

Don't know what I would do without you guys.


Johanna xx


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Sending my love Johanna and a well done for keeping on keeping on. I find it ever so stressful! Often mulling over the risky situations our yp go through but more than anything dread the chaotic poor practice that is within those meant to keep them, and society safe. Like you I'm very concerned at how little has changed in the relatively tiny 17 years or so we've been involved

Completely understand how exhausting it all is


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Thank you for understanding Pear Tree.

Stress does seem to be part of our lives .... I can cope when it is from the children better than I can when stress is generated by social workers.


Johanna x


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Sending much love and strength to you Johanna - and glad to read you felt a little better after some green therapy - still fighting fires here albeit from a distance and regular pauses for breath however small are essential to keeping on. Can empathise with your additional worries over your father and hope his health improves.


look after yourself and hope your dh is also bearing up.


Love and strength to you Lily and PT - stay standing girls!


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7 users have supported this.

Thanks Mayan.

Life goes on. Generally I am optimistic but there seem to have been some bad wobbles recently.


Johanna x


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oh jo (((((()))))) yes the stress, yes nothing changes over time, enjoy your green therapy and so glad the girls are up for medical/counselling appts. xx


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Thank you Aprilshowers


Johanna x


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Johanna

You sound so tired and drained and I don't blame you at all.

You have been therapeutic parents for so long . It's so sad that social services do not communicate essential information and expect you to hold all the info plus keep supporting and encouraging the next generation.

As you said you are now the sandwich generation caught between your children and their children and your parents. And like me your body is getting older .

2 of our 4 are now managing independently and doing well one needs a lot of propping up but is getting there..

But one is very vulnerable and I have to speak to his social workers or support workers at least once a week.

As you say it's exhausting

You have encouraged me so often and have enabled me to reframe situations when they have been tough. I value your wisdom and positive approach.

But don't be afraid to say you are tired .tired of fighting for them . Tired of providing scaffolding to support them .

Tired because yes it seems never ending.

Is there any chance you can plan one day a week when you can be out in the fresh air . Not available by phone. Where you can be .


Thinking of you and sending you hope and strength


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8 users have supported this.

Thanks Steps.

We do try to make time for good things too .... It is so necessary as you say.

I value your support and wisdom too


Johanna x


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4 users have supported this.

Just wanted to send support and hugs Johanna.


Also lovely to see some familiar names on this and other threads. I am a newbie compared to you ladies (only 8 years in) and we are not in a 'sandwich' situation as DH and I are both 'orphans' but we have our own issues with BCs and AS. I know that weary feeling (understatement)


Love to all


Larsti x


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Thanks Larsti.

Dad in hospital at present.

Just trying to continue with things but like others on this forum we can get to the end of the week and our brains are swirling because so much has been happening.


Johanna x


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You are always an inspiration to us 'newbies' - I am 7 years in- Johanna (&Pear Tree, Aprilshowers, Lily etc)

Big hugs & support from us all on here

xxxx


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8 users have supported this.

Thank you


Johanna x


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Losing your mum is so tough, you sound like you are a rock to other people, I hope you have time to use that compassion on yourself .


wishing you peace, Verity xx


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Thank you


Johanna


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