Early Christmas present - not
There we were limping to the end of the year in the hope of a quiet Christmas - a much patched (literally) dh, myself and our new pup - our little bundle of hope and a new challenge for the future as we have adjusted to the various cataclysms of this year not least dd's histrionics whilst finally transitioning to living independently and despite constant rejection desperately trying to inveigle herself into her birth family's life and of course their day to day chaos - the results of which have been horrendous for her mental and physical health.
We have tried to stay connected and supportive whilst endeavouring to keep the chaos from our door as she is desperate to offload the toxic effects every time we see her. We have continued to try and walk the line of allowing her to do her thing whilst checking she is managing her bills etc - which though tight a second job and extra hours has given her a bit of an extra cushion - and she does graft. However all her years of hard work and 3am starts all look to be for nothing as in the last couple of weeks her spending has outstripped her income in eye watering fashion - mainly on sweet treats so her health has suffered the effects. She had left her credit card with us for safe keeping as she only used it to pay her car insurance but it seems she has applied for a new one and told them she'd lost it or something - somehow her limit has been doubled - and she has taken full use of that plus two pay day loans at exhorbitant interest of course and an eye boggling phone contract. She has been exploited before and we don't know if the bfamily are involved in some way or some one else as she sadly doesn't tell the truth. Basically she has blown all her hard earned savings as most will go to cover her debts and put at risk her private rented flat, her little car which is vital for her to access work, her jobs and the few friends she finally started to make.
I think she is copying to a T what her brother ended up doing in the hope she too can plead at the door of her bm as he has done - well that's how it goes in her head. The reality will be very different. I just feel so sad that just like her brother she has blown it so spectacularly when she had so much that she was actually beginning to feel good about and more confident in herself. I really don't know how to tell my dh especially after all he has endured this year. I always thought this could happen and we have tried to walk with her - she is incredibly stubborn and oppositional so won't work with us now - so I guess we will just have to watch as it works itself out and let the debt companies put in the punitive boundaries - I doubt she will work with a debt advice organisation especially as her spending is so psychologically spurred by her interactions with birth family.
A further irony is that we were just about to write a cheque as my late father in law had left her a small inheritance - morally and legally it's hers but I guess it's going straight to a pay day loan company which will really upset dh - something she probably has factored in! I suppose we could just drag our heels for a bit - any thoughts?
So here I sit waiting for her to lob this into our festivities - I really do feel like leaving her to it as the end result is going to be the same. After everything we thought things would get a little easier as they became adults and marched towards their thirties...but it seems not to be for some of us.
Well my pup is here to chew on my socks and me... and the tree is up, snow is on the ground and I have Christmassy songs a playing - so I am going to keep on playing the game whilst she has dinner with us tonight and put on the flack jacket with tinsel and baubles later. Never dull for sure!
My thoughts are with those of you facing similar challenges - may you find peace and happiness despite and the strength and wisdom for another year ahead.
Much love to all