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Bye bye honeymoon period

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We had amazing intros and first few weeks with our AS (2) and our BD (7) has coped enormously. We are entering the 4th month and it feels like the last 3-4 weeks I have deteriorated massively and I'm finding it hard to cope and be close to him.


In the first 2 months I felt very close and loving and now I feel myself recoiling and I have so much pent up anger it's unreal. It's not him - he is being absolutely fine and has come on in leaps and bounds, especially in his language. It's me - I am just simply losing my grip on things. Hubby is feeling this way too. We have absolutely no intention to disrupt - we feel it is something we can work through, but we are finding ourselves worrying about how our own behaviour is affecting him right now.


Possibly it is the shock of having a small child again who is as non-compliant as most two year olds, the shock of not having own time again, it also could be an external factor in that my Mum has leaned very heavily on us for support in the last month as she is having major problems with her partner - perhaps I just couldn't cope with her problems and my own all at once.


I recognise I need to do a lot of self-care. If anyone has been in this position where they have felt so much anger and can point me in the right direction of how they've overcome this point I am ready and willing to try anything.


Currently sat in bed now hubby is home from work with the intention of googling things like "dealing with anger" and "ways to bond" etc. I feel like I could do with some anxiety medicine but would hate for anything to effect our second review which is coming up.


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7 users have supported this.

and breathe, you have a lot going on, a lot of adopters find that they can get post adoption depression, its real and it can be got over with time and effort. What strikes me is that your mum is sort of treating you like a bestie, she is your mum, you are now a new mum and to me it seems that yours and her boundaries are blurred, at this time you really could do with your mum helping out, with either your BS or your AD. Other things you can do, yes you could go to the gp get some tablets, you could look at taking up yogo or mindfulness course, getting involved with evening course for your enjoyment...same goes for hubby. You say that you are losing your grip on things, then take back control, break your day your responsibilities into bite size pieces, if need to get in external help...cleaners, internet shopping, play groups, after school clubs. Have you any idea why you are feeling so angry, or is it that your feelings are so overwhelming that you interpret that as anger. you are not alone, I will see if I can find some old threads that may help you, keep posting....as they say a problem shared is a problem halved. xx


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11 users have supported this.

Just wondering whether you might be angry with your mother for the additional stress she is causing you and her dependency on you, which is perhaps causing you to resent her but then you feel guilty for that? I have been in a similar situation and found myself completely overwhelmed and that was without an adopted child but a stressful time with BD. I got through it by confiding in friends and putting in boundaries. Mother got needier and full of self pity as was unhappy with my boundaries. I felt due to her nature it would be a waste of time telling her how I felt but long story short, sisters felt the same and they told her, as we all felt the same.

Has mum got others she can lean on? Are you able to encourage her to go to them more?

Putting firm boundaries in my work and personal life have made a significant difference to how I feel.


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Just wondering whether you are feeling very tired among other things? When my 2 year old AD arrived I realised I had forgotten how relentless looking little ones and being woken up in the night even occasionally was (AS aged 9 by then). I went away for the night a couple of times to a friend's just to get a good night's sleep and to wake up without having to leap out of bed straight away. It made me feel a bit more in control when I went back home.


The most useful thing I was told when I eventually admitted to not feeling like I was bonding was not to worry about it for a bit - the more I tried to bond the more annoyed by AD I got. I think my instinct was to spend more time with her, try harder, but in fact having more breaks was part of the answer.


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Also wondering if you are picking up on your child's anger - as he is not displaying this - and reflecting his feelings - something worth considering


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11 users have supported this.