Birth family

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Hi all,

I've not been on the boards for quite some time but my last posts were about moving my son into special residential care due to his ongoing difficulties. This was about 2 and a half years ago and it has been quite a positive experience for us - he has responded well to the very boundaried regime he lives in. We had just started to relax and feel hopeful, and started to build up our relationship with him again, and he was coming home regularly to stay for weekends and holidays.

However just before Christmas and over Christmas we noticed a change in his behaviour in that he was becoming very secretive and defensive and we have just found out at the age of 16 he has found his birth family on facebook, made contact with them and actually met up with them (investigations ongoing with his residential placement about how he has managed this).

As we have an unusual surname, birth family have made contact with our daughter and have probably found our address. We are pretty stunned by this and he keeps changing his story - one minute he was just curious and then the next doesn't want anything to do with us now he has found his 'real family'. Meanwhile his sister who is a year older is pretty confused as she wasn't ready to contact them but they are contacting her.

His social worker is on leave until 4th Feb but the residential school have put a hold on him going out independently for now.

But it has really thrown us, we don't know where we are going to go from here, have we lost one or both or our children, are there any legal implications about the fact that this has happened before the age of 18, anyone know any resources to help us get our head round what is happening whilst trying to support our daughter?

Any advice gratefully received,

Megsie xxx

55 users have supported this.

so sorry - facebook is carp - shadette also got in touch with BF via FB age 14 - its very disruptive- all I think in this day and age SS need to work out how best to support our kids with such a huge and momentous situation

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I was shocked to find that ss have facebook banned on their computers in my area. Not a help to you, I know, but how on Earth can they monitor these things if they're not even allowed to look? I have to show inappropriate fb postings to sws on my phone for goodness sakes.

Even if your sw is away is there a post-adoption team / legal advice team that can help you?

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Thanks for your replies Shadow and larkascending. Unfortunately we fell out with post-adoption team when they believed allegations our daughter made around neglect and abuse and reported us to Safeguarding team!!! Heyho I guess we'll just have to wait for my son's SW to come back next week.

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So sorry have only just seen your post - have sent you a pm

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I do wonder if auk should raise Facebook with government, as bf contacting adopted children is giving so many problems. I am at a lose to know how it's allowed when bf are not allowed the details to enable them to contact even adult adoptees unless the adoptee chooses to contact them. I think the problem is that until now the info was in sw hands, now bf can bypass this,by using Facebook, so it needs some sort of legal control. To protect the kids. Some kids are actually at physical risk of danger, ( one of mine included) surely there need to be legal safeguards put in place?

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The advise we were given several years ago was some support to liaise with family, if we wanted to do anything we would, but nothing to do , depending on court order , but at older children not a lot. Positively my two are still here with me. It is hard and distressful.

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Oh what a mess!

Partridge has had huge problems with fb

Just couldn't cope and was very sly over it all,

Tried many times and just couldn't do it.

'Bubblewrapped children' is a great book to help


I think post adoption services need to be brought in.

Are you able to get them involved- our pas service is naff

But some are very good

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