test_contentimg

The baby

Report content

Blossom has, a little while ago, had a baby. Our suspicions that she was running out of her contraception implant were realised. Bearing in mind we have no contact with blossom we agonised over what to do. After a long chat we decided to write to the social care department. We detailed the injuries and threats and dangerous behaviour around young children/ babies. This was because we couldn’t bear the news coming of the death or serious injury of a child without having tried at least to inform those responsible these were risks from the get go.

We decided not to tell our families. We didn’t want them to fly into rescue mode and put us and our other charges at risk with close contact with blossom. Anyway. She may not have the baby etc.


Fast forward several months it appears Blossom has had the baby and is in a family supporting mother and child situation (bet they haven’t been told anything about the risks blossom poses at all) in the county.

Blossoms antisocial behavioural disorder plus other extremely challenging troubles may mean in the short term she could be ok with the baby but the outlook is bleak especially beyond the family support placement. What is beyond this anyway? Anyone know?


Sorry if the above is complex and there are additional messes within the family now and they just do not accept or understand the risk Blossom poses. Some have found out about the baby not through us. Others don’t know. It’s a right mess.


What I wanted to ask is this. If the child is taken into LAC will all the family (birth family? Adoptive family?) be interviewed to have the child? Bearing in mind Blossom would like us dead, wants to heap as much pain as possible on me in particular I imagine she won’t be too keen on us being approached to say the least.

If the families here are approached and say no they will be wracked with guilt and struggle hugely. Worse they could feel guilt rolled into taking on the child.

Blossom of course would be delighted that she’s managed to chew the extremely supportive family of ours into bits.

The birth mum is around, still on the outskirts of gangs drinking drugs and other ‘activitites’ blossom totally idealises.


I realise this is probably a long process etc but I don’t know how any of this works. Yes. This is likely the first of many.


up
4 users have supported this.

Sending hugs PT.....it is all so chaotic. I went through so many scenarios in my head when AD was pregnant.


As it turned out she absolutely immersed herself in motherhood once baby was born and with support from previous partner plus a watching SS has managed better than expected. We can still see cycles repeating and things are tricky but she knows she must step up. We are also doing our upmost to try and help her succeed as we don't want to think about the alternatives (sorry don't know answer to your question if things really fall apart, no doubt someone wiser will). This is really hard as she doesn't like the type of help we offer and we know we have to protect ourselves when we step into her chaotic world.


AD had many stories of forced adoption showing us how vulnerable she felt and she manages to pretend to the outside world she is coping when in reality........just about surviving......so hard to watch.......


I know Blossum's situation is vastly different and she takes things to another level but continue to hope that she is willing to accept as least some of the support she is offered.


xx


Have sent pm


up
2 users have supported this.

No help but just to say how sorry I am to hear this PT


Love Larsti x


up
2 users have supported this.

Pear Tree, this sounds emotionally wrenching and incredibly complex. I’m sorry you are facing more Blossom-related heart ache.


My kids are too young for me to have anything useful to say, but I just wanted to give you my moral support.


up
2 users have supported this.

So sorry to hear this Pear Tree. As you know, I can empathise only too well with your situation. (See post in Grandparents section). Well done for alerting the appropriate services to the potential risks posed to the baby. I would suggest that you look online to see if you can find guidance for your authority about children being taken into care, best practice, duties on social workers to check out possible kinship arrangements etc. If the child is likely to go into care, a family member can inform social services that he/she wishes to be considered for kinship care. Also, if the child goes into care, you may be interviewed by a safeguarder who is writing an independent report. (This has happened to me twice).


If the child goes into a kinship care placement an important issue is whether there will be continuing contact with the birth mother. As you know my daughter in law fits the profile for having an antisocial personality disorder. I understand that Blossom does too. When I offered to take two of the children as a kinship carer my son and DIL were seemingly delighted. However in reality my DIL did all she could to sabotage and disrupt the placement. As things turned out I had to ask for the children to go back into care since I could not cope with the violent behaviour of one child towards me and her sister when she was in the car. If Blossom's child were to be taken into care and is placed with a family member, and there will not be continuing contact with Blossom, could Blossom pose a threat to that family as she has done to you?


There's a lot to think about. Would it be helpful to talk it through with a counsellor? Sometimes one just has to make a very hard decision taking account of all the factors.


Lily xx


up
4 users have supported this.

She absolutely could pose a threat to family if they take on her baby.


We are definitely not in the queue to look after blossoms baby. We couldn’t go through all that again, being in with ss, let alone getting entangled with blossom and her complexity.

It would absolutely risk Pip. I just cannot do that


up
5 users have supported this.

So sorry to read your post Peartree - must be so painful and worrying for you all. A lot is getting missed due to the increasing pressures on LA's so you can only do your best in flagging the risks to the powers that be given the situation. Hopefully the risks Blossom poses at her more vulnerable times will be considered in a viability assessment before any in family or other placement for the baby if it comes to that. Sad for Partridge too.

Thinking of you all

Love and strength

Mx


up
2 users have supported this.

Thank you all for you messages here and by pm. It’s big mess and I know there’s no easy answers. A great big magic wand would be lovely!

I haven’t seen blossom for about 4 yrs. I don’t feel any connection other than fear around the child I loved so very much. It’s sad. Really sad. As for the baby, I’m afraid if I knew the baby I would be terribly maternal very quickly and it would tear everything apart, so I can’t be a grandparent. The baby is Blossoms child. I can cope with that sort of mindset. Fragile though it is.


up
7 users have supported this.

It must be so fustrating having done the right thing all those years in preventing pregnancy that now 'society 'just let this happen because 'it's her right to have children'. And it is her 'right' to have 10 even if they all will be looked after by others or messed up. Sad, very sad. Wishing you strength to deal with this.


up
5 users have supported this.

So sorry to hear this. There is an awful kind of inevitability somehow though, isn't there? We all do our best to stop the cycle of abuse and chaos but sometimes it's just not possible. My AD had her baby at 16. He is a very troubled little chap and due to neglect and indifferent parenting when he was small, he has an insecure attachment.


up
3 users have supported this.

Have had these feelings myself , both with the girls and their mother. We raised the girls after a case conference. Both are now mothers themselves. We put a lot in practically', emotionally and financially to helping the girls parent their children.. Their mother had another child and is again pregnant but I have to think of these as her children. It is complex because the girls know their little half sib and have attachments.

I think there is only so much a person can do . I cannot allow myself to feel the same towards her further children as my energies are concentrated on the four littlies who call me grandma. That does not mean to say that I won't look out for their blood related grandmother. As I said , it is complicated. We are all in a geographically small area too.

I think Pip's wellbeing has to be paramount.

It is so hard PT. Thinking of you.

Johanna x


up
5 users have supported this.