Well, it's great to have this new thread! Well done, Adoption UK!
I'm feeling sad, anxious and full of trepidation. A brief resume of my situation. I am a single adopter and I adopted my two children, a brother and sister aged 7 and 6, twenty four years ago. They are now aged 31 and 30. My AS and his then girlfriend, later his wife, had their first child when he was only 18 years old. She was a bit older. They were a very vulnerable couple. My AS suffers from ADHD and FAE. He had been abused and neglected. My daughter in law was one of eight children. All had been taken into care. Her mother is a very antisocial person with criminal tendencies. My DIL is a carbon copy. When the baby was born I was very concerned about their ability to care for her. I alerted the hospital midwifery team to my concerns. Despite not coping with the baby, my DIL became pregnant again very quickly. I sent a 7 page report to the Child Protection Team at the social work office detailing all my concerns. A nursery place was allocated to the first child but the parents failed to take it up. They then had a third child. Needless to say, the concerns mounted. Social workers were involved by now. The three children went into care twice and were returned home. The third time they went into care, they remained in care.
Then my son and DIL had another baby. I was consulted by the guardian about my views. I recommended that the baby should go for adoption. I said it would be a gamble to let it go home with them. The baby was adopted. She got pregnant again. The baby went into care at birth. I expected that it would again go for adoption. However at this point a new, naive social worker came on the scene. She thought they had been badly treated. Also Children's Panel Members and Sheriffs were finding it difficult to keep removing their children. The parents were sent on parenting classes, saw psychologists, they attended groups and they frequently visited the baby in foster care. She returned home to them at one year old, a lovely little girl. At first things went OK. Then my DIL became pregnant again and a year ago they had another baby. He stayed with them. The little girl is 3 years old. But things are going downhill again. My son got employment six months ago and he works long hours. My DIL is therefore the main parent. She is a terrible, hopeless mother. She fits the criteria for an antisocial personality disorder. The little girl is not doing well. Both children have just been referred to a Children's Hearing, on grounds of lack of parental care. I read the papers at the week end. All the concerns relate to my DIL, none to my son. But he loyally sticks by her. I can envisage the future. The children will be placed on supervision, with conditions. My DIL has proved over the years that she is not capable of changing. So, at some point, I believe that the decision will be taken to remove the children from their care, permanently. There will be no second, third or fourth chances. In view of their ages, I would expect the children to be placed for adoption. This would undoubtedly be in their best interest.
But the cycles and the sadness go on. My son will be heartbroken. My DIL has no understanding and she accepts no responsibility. I think it highly likely that she will keep having babies, like her mother, and that each in turn will be removed. And I am having to face the probability that I shall lose contact with these grandchildren too. There are losses and a sense of bereavement all round.