The Adoptive Revolutionary front (2nd edition)

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A few years back, I started a thread called the ARF. All the adoptees are known as ARF Agents. All the grown ups- enemy (En1 normally mum and En2 most often Dad but hey, use whatever you feel is ok!) The idea is to have as much fun as possible writing about the various activities you and the ARF get up to in military terms in as funny terms as you can. Other wording like school is bootcamp, erm SCUM Is services cost us money (they infiltrate everythng with services in the title) MESS is kitchen MASH medical services Each new ‘activity’ is logged in the fabled ‘ARF Handbook’ which has yet to arrive in most ARF encampments as most ENs haven’t a clue what’s coming next!

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Seasonal Greetings from Camp Dance .

Rollercoaster ride continues here

ARF1 celebrated 18th birthday yesterday and met us for lunch, despite much merriment the night before.

ARF2 will celebrate his 16th tomorrow so is hyper and stressed, not helped by Bootcamp changes as key ally leaves....I said I'd eat my words on things going well for him

ARF3 unhappy about above and no show at BM contact, so went AWOL from unit yesterday with wacky backy and unknown ally...returned safe and well shortly after.

Festive tree (AKA Quatermass) arrived on Saturday and seems to get bigger every time I look at it!

ENs hunkering down and in need of festive rest, although EN2 has to work this year so rest only a few days. FLM is getting excited b presents - she hopes to find the squeaky one!

Merry festive tidings to all camps xx

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Camp creative reporting in, today’s meeting with SCUM has resulted in new SCUM worker saying “she’s very hard to handle” EN1 has to bite her tounge and not say, yep we told you this for the last three years.

Agent Sticky has been on high level vigilance leading to non stop talking and constant movement. To try and relax agent slightly, EN1 and agent have done some baking, this meets agents need for sweet supplies and complete attention. Agent Sticky and EN1 are off to freinds for drinks and nibbles and will be taking some cakes as a present.

EN1 and Sticky have also been practising festive songs for Carol singing tonight with ecclesiastical group, EN1 is hoping this will be enough to reduced sticky’s stress.

on the 10th day of Christmas my agent said to me, no showers to after new year.

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Nide CO reporting from external manoeurveres in the lovely county of West Yorkshire. All quiet here and (seemingly, checking in by wireless communication) all quiet at Base Camp too.

Benign came exactly one hour from being taken out of school for today and tomorrow so that he could come with me on this trip (exactly how much learning will they do two days before the end of term and a week before Xmas?). Benign wanted desperate to come with on Sunday night. Before Cubs on Monday (6pm) was wavering due to Xmas class party on Wednesday; by 8pm Monday at end of Cubs and home he desperately wanted to come again. Between 6pm the train fare for him had gone from £58 to £160. Errr. I had everything worked out but couldn't possibly spend that amount (at any time of year but let along this) for what would be essentially a day trip.

So, disappointed Benign at home and camp CO not there to help with mopping the tears. Telephonic communication earlier this evening convinced camp CO that life will continue till pick up tomorrow (which I will do on my way home from the cold North). Not a life-changing predicament in the opinion of seasoned camp commander.

Otherwise little to report from Nide camp of any interest. Tree operations partially completed - tree constructed but operation "decorate tree" can't take place without CO, apparently. Discovery yesterday that twinkly adornments for tree were lacking in "Xmas kit" - must have been binned last year, neither EN1 or EN2 can remember one way or the other. EN2 diligently went to local store and in haste bought twinkles of the mulit-coloured variety; gets heeby geebys as knows that EN1 likes plain white ones. EN1 says "I really don't mind one way or the other". EN2 gets puncture. Agent Benign stranded at Cubs. EN2 abandons bike with EN1 and dog - "could you just walk my bike home?" Err ... I could spin this into a yarn of gigantic proportions but in an effort at accuracy: EN1 reports from afar that Benign rescued; puncture fixed; twinkles replaced with plain white variety. No animals were hurt during this experiment in life.

Nide camp from here seems quite calm. Perhaps it is is me that makes it volatile sometimes??

Nide, over and out.

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Brief report from Camp Penguin

Bootcamp manouvers for En 2 and ARF 2 now complete till next year following ecclesiastical trip aka " school carol service" and also Christmas jumper day ( ARF rebelled and just wore a Santa hat ,) Much rejoicing celebrated by expedition to code " chip shop"

EN1 final day at senior bootcamp tomorrow. expedition of the Scout variety to ,code " carnival" tomorrow pm for EN1 and ARF 2

Both ARF's have also had expeditions to code " cinema" this week to observe galactic battles aka " Star Wars" EN's hoping no war tactics collected.by ARF agents.

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Late night sentry report

En2 has just returned from late pass event with Arf partridge and fellow family En2, brother division, non arf corps.

They have attended the large entertainment zone and viewed the huge screen and enjoyed ‘star wars’ (aka Disney’s latest spondoolies spinner)

Much corn or the pop was consumed and arf partridge supplied ‘skittles & peanut m&m’s) to increase the girth oF ENs to increase likelihood of failing combat fitness Wink

Non arf Pip has completed bootcamp for the term and En1 is looking forward to engaging in festive messing about type day, suspect operation limpet mine likely to be in play as she settles to the ‘reside in orchard’ atmosphere. She is going on a day pass to spend time with semi cavalry aunty on Friday.

Semi cavalry aunty has no arf or non arf of her own and this hampers cavalry status as silly winding up of Agents is instigated and En1 is then seen as big bad wolf when attempting the ‘fire blanket’ manoeuvre on child exuberance. However her aunty skills of distract and provide emergency assistance have been in much demand in the past so she retains cavalry status. Several medals for valour achieved. Agents of all ages have universally adored her.

Interestingly something came up today with young Pip.

‘Mum, are those two ladies married on tv- that funny lady on strictly- umm Susan.’


‘Oh, I didn’t know ladies can get married. Can men get married too?’

‘Yes, they can or they might stay single.’

‘Oh yes like aunty, she’s single’

‘That’s right’

‘But most ladies marry men?’

‘Yes Pip, like me and your Dad’

‘Ok then. Can I go play your CDs and sing along again?’

Just checking, the walls of the trenches have not fallen down and En1 and En2 have noted no hard hats were required in Pips first relationships ‘chAt.’

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Camp Nide K9 reporting in to other camps in the hope that operation code "tennis ball donation" can commence.

EN2 took me to the green space today and my word, what fun and larks. We found this yellowish, squishy(ish) thing - smelt lovely and doggy - and EN2 let me off the leash and threw it. Obviously not very clever, EN2, as I kept bringing it back and he kept throwing it away again. I do love him but I do wonder about the grey cells in that one. EN1 not around to object to the lack of leash (EN2 heard to say "ha, ha, I won't tell if you won't K9" which is confusing for a dog, to say the least, as EN1 has clearly said that "the extensible lead has to be used at all times"). Anyway, I digress ... The squishy thing is apparently a tennis ball and there are allegedly millions of them just lying around, waiting for a new owner ... I thought that the new owner could be me!

EN1 came home today (yay!). EN1 appeared delighted when I redecorated her brand new top with just a few paw prints - she was positively jumping up and down. Must try it again another time (apparently cream tops are particularly good for jumping on - humans are odd!).

Me and EN1 and EN2 and the boy went on outside manoeurveres code name "pub" earlier with sub manoeurveres code name "write [expletive not recognised by K9] Xmas cards". The shouty one is apparently on code name "sleepover". Mission appears to have been accomplished but ENs didn't say which of the pile they wanted me to chew first. Maybe best to make a job lot and just destroy all of them before ENs get up in the morning - right??

I have now been placed on house arrest in downstairs bunker - charge: chasing damn feline M (again). I don't care! I know that I'll get off this charge, even though feline M is still in penthouse bunker with gift of additional strokes. It is obvious, isn't it?? He's a bloody cat and I'm a dog - I'm supposed to chase him, aren't I? He's supposed to use some choice feline language and then back off terrified by my canine woof and doggy charisma? That's how it works, right? I worry that EN1 has been watching too much Disney and thinks that cats and dogs will get along if given the right encouragement. I do love her but worry about the grey cells in that one.

Nide K9 woof, woof and out.

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Camp Mooster finally reporting in after period of radio silence. EN1and EN2 survived incoming at various co-ordinates across the year and report minimal long term damage.

Arf1finally moved into residence of desire after much chaotic testing of various bunks. Arf1's Piglet is code cutie aka string willed and EN1 and Cavalry Grannie have work cut out maintaining silence on new fangled parenting orders. Arf1 has just commenced new spondoolie earning expeditions which if all goes well should suit her capacious brain. EN1 very pleased.

Arf2 is a revelation and has held down paid spondoolie expeditions for more than two years. Currently living abroad Arf2 will return to base camp at end of week for r and r. Not without stress for EN's as spondoolie management and dark periods still exist but no one would have predicted Arf2's current positive trajectory.

Household furry agents continue to rule the roost. FA1, reaching his twilight years, regularly provides code smelley present on utility room floor for EN1 to deal with. EN2 seems oblivious to this particular manoeuvre.

EN1currently under duvet with end of term lurgy, hoping it retreats before invasion in a few days time.

Wishing all camps successful transitions to festive routines and offering hope that code independence, despite tricky times, can be achieved with some peace provided home camp stands firm when invited into battles involving chaos. Camp Mooster finally getting to grips with this one, well sometimes.xx

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Camp Mooster reported calm too soon!! EN1 resisted early friendly fire from Arf1 and did not sortie into rescue mode. EN1 stood firm with encouraging noises that Arf1 could sort herself out and make it into paid expeditions without EN1 battletank manoevures.

Cavalry Grannie reports successful tactic employed.

Until next time.........

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Final day of bootcamp, at last. Agent Attitude has survived the last few weeks reasonably well, despite new record of 2 trips to emergency MASH. Medal-winning provocation of much larger fellow bootcamp member resulted in friendly fire. Fortunately no serious injuries which would have scuppered winter leave plans. EN1 used instead for constant target practice of verbal salvos, Agent Attitude's weapon of choice. High scores for defiance and rudeness in latest bootcamp report suggests this practice is paying dividends.

Attempts to extract ARF agent from room over Christmas for visiting General hit difficult territory. Treaty terms negotiated that permit ARF agent to remain in own bunk provided deep cleaning undertaken. Coast now looking clear for General to secure ARF bunk....

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Early morning report from Camp Grockle

Seasonal greetngs to all Camps currently under festive fire...

Has been a rollercoater ride here at Camp Grockle too... (waving flags to Camp Dance in sympathy!)

EN1 suggested visit to coastal village that has reputedly beautiful festive lights display (approx 60 miles drive) as thought might be a good trip for ENs and Agents to enjoy some festive fun. Agent K v keen to go as had bootcamp overnight visit there some 6 years ago and v keen to impart knowledge of village and of 'best fish and chips ever' establishment. First planned excursion on Tues afternoon postponed as Agents were asked for help with outside non-ARF members of family (chickens and equine agents) to enable speedy removal to coastal village, no help forthcoming and Agent still performing ablutions in shower way past time set for departure. Visit re-arranged for Wednesday.

ENs commenced bedding down procedures with outside non-ARF agents earlier on Weds afternoon thereby enabling departure at approximate agreed time (slight hep from Agents but not much!) Difficult drive to coastal village in battletank as much weather encountered of the fog variety. EN1 worried en-route as to whether any festive lights would be seen due to thick fog!. On arrival fog had cleared and managed to find just about the last parking space for battletank in car park at top of village. Walked down to harbour and viewed festive lights, every but as good as promised, Agents N decided wasn't interested in anything and just mooched along, Agent K in full 'I've been here before and know everything' mode and marched us all along to show us sights and got very cross when EN2 had the temerity to stop and look at things not permitted / known about by Agent K. Complete meltdown occurred when Agent K realised the 'best fish and chips ever' shop had ceased trading. large cloud of depression settled on Agent K who resisted all offers of alternative sustenance. Eventually both ENs and Agents departed village and drove just along coast to next village (associated with Pirates as in the opera) Suitable fish and chip shop sighted but spurned by Agent K vehemently. By this time ENs were very hungry so ignored Agents and procured fish and chips for ENs which were eaten in battle tank (Agents both had sample of ENs meal even tho it had been much spurned!

Visit to the Golden Arches (aka MacDonalds) made on way home for rations approved by Agents (there isn't an outlet very near Camp Grockle so a trip to the Golden Arches is a rare event and much desired by both Agents!)

Think Festive pressure getting to both Agents, Agent N is spending more time in bunker than usual (is that possible??) only emerging when MESS rations on table. Agent K has commenced stroppy behaviour when requested to carry out any order by ENs such as 'can you walk down the stairs, not thump down so hard the whole camp shakes?' cue much bad language, slamming of doors, refusal to consume MESS rations....

Festive preparations put on hold at the moment as Equine agent (obviously affected by ARF Agents) trod heavily on EN1s foot when coming in from field last night. EN1 now has swollen black and blue appendage, so enforced rest on sofa yesterday evening whilst EN2 enjoyed evening pass to hostelry for Festive drinks with friends.

Foot still painful this am (couldn't sleep!) but swelling gone down so don't think is broken. Festive preparations should be able to be commenced later on today as Operation Christmas Tree still hasn't taken place.

Greeting at all Camps whether hunkered down or currently calm!

Camp grockle signing off

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Late night sentry report

Read all reports from fellow camps with interest. Many drives in the battletank have been survived due to the local Golden Arches sending medals for initiative

Now fellow camps. We have a 10yr old excited female non agent who has decided bedtime is for saps and lots of getting up and code ‘messing about’ in evidence

This is due to the annual return of rotund red dressed fella who released code ‘ho ho ho’ over the globe at the close of boot camp

This is to raise Agents & frankly non arf to fever pitch. Their manic jiggling giggling and other nutty antics are part of a dastardly plot. Operation: confound and confuse is to turn ENs in knots and not know what to say or do for fear of saying or doing something regarded by the ARF as non regulation. Punishment for ENs saying or doing the non regulation thing can be swiftly executed but often the ARF store it up, exploding verdict and sentence in one foul swoop (often at bunker time)

En1 &2 have often felt the wrath of incorrect action at bunkertime. Crimes against the ARF have been as follows

1) non regulation number of shreddies in MESS container.

2) mind reading failure to not have laundered correct combat gear

3) providing more baked beans on one toast than the other.

Other crimes have been reported by arf relating to ENs.

Often these have gone to the SCUM who investigated the arf claims of dungeon house and dried bread rations and were delighted to discover a nice 3 bed semi in semi rural coastal suburb with no dungeon.


anyway. En1 is very much looking forward to a glass or two of COPING JUICE over festive celebratory season. En2 doesn’t drink the coping juice. En1 doesn’t very often due to En2 not having any, so En1 is extra looking forward to it

Tomorrow, Arf partridge returns to the orchard where attempts not to get really very wound up by agent will be enacted with gusto. Sending love to all camps

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Camp Grockle reporting....

All currently quiet in the Grockle camp, Agents have been surprisingly calm considering the festive fever pitch that the televisual device raps up!

EN1 pleased to report that Operation Christmas Tree has successfully taken place and Camp grockle is looking nice and festive. ENs had evening pass yesterday to visit friends for consumption of Coping Juice, as location was withing walking distance, a few glasses of said substance were consumed and ENs returned feeling slightly more happy!

Sending greetings to all camps and raising glass of Coping Juice in salutation!

Camp Grockle signing off

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Camp creative reporting in, camp is in full festive mode, children’s ecclesiastical meeting has been held, mess is fully stocked for forthcoming days. Man with pizza has visited with dinner and agent Sticky is heading up to cleaning and festive pj uniform.

We have had quite a few wobbles in camp today and a large glass of coping juice will be poured after late night ecclesiastical gathering.

Sending festive wishes to all camps.

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Camp Nide reporting in. All calm at base and other than veg prep all good to go for operation Xmas tomorrow ...

Camp looks very twinkly - EN2 and Benign have been creative and festive and it all looks lovely.

Operation "brother-in-law's wedding" successfully completed this morning by ENs. Had to move all parties from East London base to somewhere rural on-the-hill (Oxfordshire? Beds? Bucks? - don't know but Satnav got us there) by 10:30 hours; arrived at 10:29 hrs and saw bride and groom do their stuff - lovely!

All arrived successfully back at base.

Back at base by 4pm for AD's perpetual dilemma to finally hit home - if you want to get a present for Daddy then you actually have to haul arse and get one. AD tried yesterday to persuade me that I could just pop out of Wedding Anniversary celebrations with DH to get what she had decided that she wanted to get for DH for an Xmas present. Sadly, I said "no". I know that I could have been kind and said "yes" but perhaps the phrases "just go and do it now, you p***k" and "Bitch, just do as I say" didn't really make me lean towards doing as she suggested. Hey, I am so last century.

Anyhow, it is all water under the bridge. My most beloved brother-in-law got married today. My most beloved husband is snuffling upstairs. My children are asleep with the (fulfilled) expectations of stockings from the fat, red-clad one. And my little doggie is waiting for me to go upstairs because she won't go up without me because I am her #1 (which feels so good).

So, comrades, I send you Christmas wishes of peace, hope, serenity, love and joy. Don't let the buggers get you down.

Peahen over and out.

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Merry Christmas all camps.

EN of camp T reeling slightly as she escaped ARF duties for 4 hours yesterday, having left agent with cavalry grandmother. Trying to think when last had that amount of time without either agent or work/chores to do, but brain in danger of imploding. EN walked around central London engaging in code 'window shopping' as lack of spondoolies preventing other types of shopping. EN had lunch BY HERSELF in non-child friendly establishment :o :o :o

Needless to say situation now back to normal, and EN undertaking code 'potato peeling', agent Shrimp's speed-of-peeling being such as to provide 2 and a half potatoes by lunchtime (between 6 people). 'Relaxing' face mask applied to agent's face, and now to be seen well mixed with agent's hair.

Turkey defrosted. Oven about to be switched on.

Over and out

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Late night sentry En1 pear tree reporting in

Firstly, sending all camps a festive wave and much twinkling of normally non regulation optical bulbs officially permitted.

En1 would like to report a code ‘interesting’ Christmas Day, due to the presence of the arf partly but also other family dysfunctional natures in an enclosed space for several hours.

Initially things went well. The rotund jolly fellow and associated flying transport arrived and deposited gifts

Non arf Pip arrived into our room in an unusual manner and double backed into the mess room. Pip discovered the worlds only invisible bycicle.

Invisible because ENs declares it so

Arf partridge was very en like and played along nicely.

Once present opening time began En2 did an Oscar winning performance of WoW look what has magically appeared in the mess tent and Pip was v pleased.

Other incidents were as follows: a loudly farting baby in the morning service, a lick for the minister from Agent k9 and a demonstration of his new squeaky toy, huge meal including incinerated turkey and slightly soggy veg (as is tradition) lumpy custard on the ‘a la ding’ festive pud.

This is held at en1s cavalry residence with as many relies as will fit stuffed in. The orchard family managed in general ok. Arf partridge did is big ‘’did you know... I read on the internet that...’ all code BS of course but comrades En1 has a erm ‘alternative’ family who feel somehow endeared to ARF in a way they’ve never stuck up for en.

So Agent partridge spouted forth his utter shite to coos of how wonderful and clever to get x job and doing fabulously at driving but never passing your test is how everyone makes mistakes not that you are at times an arrogant arse that needs to actually listen to battletank instructors....sigh

This was only polished off with en1s mother and father having some small arms fire and en1s mother declaring she had made choices for various family members over what they will, nay SHALL enjoy or more realistically ENDURE

However be proud.

En1 managed manoeuvres that prevented the extended family from being subjected to OLIVER! Having explained in the past how utterly inappropriate it is for ARF and non arf (sensitive corps) alike. En1 was informed that the singing was nice and we should enjoy it together.

Thankfully very snr en matriarch entered at this point requesting we all listen to her maj.

rarely has en been so grateful for her majesties message.

So dear comrades, following several giggles over stuffing and sprouts filled farting the orchard departed and now reside in own bunkers

Happy Christmas to all camps

Especially those under heavy fire

Ps waived a small private flag for ARF blossom of orchard camp who is MIssing inaction for some years now. Also remembering other incomplete camps

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Flag waving for absent arf's recognised and supported by all EN's.

Arf1 managed similar BS meter proclamations to Arf Partridge but smaller Camp Mooster comrades held firm and sighed deeply. Arf1 realised continual fire was not hitting targets so sadly made a quick, but dramatic, withdrawal. Not the ceasefire event EN1 had hoped for but then when does arf life run to plan A,B or C?

Post Arf1 withdrawal, much hilarity as Cavalry Granny showed prowess at lying game much to surprise of Arf2! Furry agents reappeared and borrowed EN1's legs as heat radiators which suited all parties.

Thoughts with all camps under fire. xx

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Without having lost any ARFs yet, Camp Nide waves flags at this festive time to all those who have young people missing in action and hopes for the best outcomes whilst recognising the pain that both their absence and presence can cause.

Nide sentry reports that seasonal festivities went as well as could be expected. The fat, jolly, red-clad one apparently provided as expected which led to a calm Xmas am. So calm, in fact, that EN1 began to doubt sanity and got up at first "bugle call" from Benign instead of waiting for at least four or five - that much "peace" usually spells trouble ... What sane adult is up on Xmas morning at 7:30am (other than the sainted Delia, obviously)?

DH did the whole turkey stuffing and bunging in oven thing and took children and doggie for a walk. EN1 just had to peel a load of sprouts, carrots, potatoes and carrots and then do some magic with chipolatas to make them in to cocktail sausages; et voila!

EN1 excelled herself by managing to make par-boiled potatoes into instant mash, much to the hilarity of all (except EN1), who then had to start again to get properly par-boiled potatoes for roasting - mashy pots are not acceptable at the Christmas feast, apparently, unless pre-prescribed. Not a big drama as I quite like mashy pots and we now have a tonne of them for during the week. Roasties turned out pretty well too!

Present giving and receiving went well. Both Benign and Defiant too in to their own haul to bother to notice each other's. Nide records this as good and progress.

Congratulations to Orchard camp for managing to dodge "Oliver!". We didn't. Although I have to report that both Defiant and Benign actually seem to like it. Different folks, I guess. EN2 and I caught the tail end when poor Nancy gets bludgeoned for doing the right thing. Luckily Benign and Defiant had drifted off to do their own thing by then,

Boxing Day spent doing absolutely nothing of note - I feel that this is a good thing. We can do absolutely nothing of note and it genuinely noteworthy that it isn't noteworthy. I suspect that only other adopters will understand!

Wireless signals of most types now disconnected.

Doggie strangely unsettled by "The Miniaturists" on the televisual - lots of woofs and snuffles. And just now had a bit of a fit at a moving curtain in the bunk room. Please don't tell me that I need to get my dog diagnosed as well as the children ...

All in all, Nide reporting relative peace and calm. I can feel that Defiant is itching for a fight but, so far, has found no one to fight with. Long may it last but Nide Camp may be battle-scared in days to come.

DH, who deserves and medal, planning operation Star Wars The Next One (or is it The One Before Last)? tomorrow. EN1 planning to turn up curtains; crack out some coping juice; and belt out some carols.

Nide over and out.

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Camp Dance reporting in

Camp survived birthday and seasonal festivities with very little damage.

ARF1 birthday went well (she appeared and was pleasant, despite hangover), as did ARF2 birthday....

Christmas Eve earned ENs three new badges

- ARF2 found in spare bed with female at 4am (seems like a nice girl and ARF2 most disconcerted not to be bollocked but laughed at and ribbed mercilessly - bollocking deemed unnecessary as embarrassment factor had desired effect)

- ARF1 called to say gas had been cut off (probably as no bills have been paid?!) - ENs didn't jump to rescue ARF1 but did send details on how to sort.

-FLM (aka dog) discovered presents so chose to open those to EN1 that were under the tree. Contents intact, but paper is fun to rip open.....need to teach her to read labels!

Picked ARF3 up for Christmas lunch and presents - coped well until drop off when she wanted to return to Camp Dance and refused to get out of the car. Excellent staff came to rescue.....but ENs felt awful for not taking her back to Camp Dance. Silence from ARF1 - small flag waved.

Lazy Boxing Day - ARF1 still silent and ARF3 asking again to return to Camp Dance. Traditional jigsaw completed and books read by ENs

ARF2 seems to be in love and went to meet Christmas Eve girl again!! Even coped with additional late Christmas present Wink Has also done some revision for Boot Camp exams on return (some disagreement as to quantity between ARF2 and ENs but overall fairly calm and either way, more done than last year).

EN2 back at work, EN1 being lazy and enjoyed long walk with FLM.

Best wishes to all camps and messages to on high for all camps that are under attack.

Camp Dance over and out

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En1 pear tree has finished eating the evening nosh and sending in brief report.

Arf Partridge reports that he’s at paid expeditions

En1 visited the large rations tent today, at which Arf partridge earns his spondoolies. No sign of agent.

3 thoughts 1) Arf partridge is off with hideous gf for the wk and 2) he’s lost his paid expeditions role 3) whatever he can’t tell the truth if his life depended on it.

En1 bit sad and cross

En2 has been back at paid expeditions and Pip with En1 went on rations replenishment detail.

En1 found that ASDA do blossom encasement devices of ample variety. Delighted with her find then giggles had with Pip playing ‘pilot to bombadier’ With huge knockersville padded encasements on heads.

Giggling ceased when En1 realised that our images of 2 bra-head covered females giggling in the sale aisle were being shown on all internal security screens.

Speedy replacement of bazooka traps onto hooks and orchard camp departed in search of much more sensible grapes and loo rolls

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EN1 reporting in from creative camp, EN1 has returned to paid expedition, EN2 was left in charge of agent Sticky,

Having just survived the festive days, one with granny and gramps and one with just agent and ENs, ENs both feel like they have earned an extra strip this year, containing small handgranade attack mid festive day when agent decide she wouldn’t eat any lunch and raided the biscuit box.

All presents have been unwrapped and deposited in bunk rooms and storage bunkers. Top up of basics was done today by EN1.

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Camp penguin slowly recovering from lurgy attack. Arf1 working nights ( sleeping days) and both arf2 and EN's down with the bug, so Christmas here was very unusually quiet. Grandad was wisely transported directly by cavelry auntie to her house instead to avoid infection, which is not good for 88 yr olds !

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Nide camp sentry reports a big fat nothing.

Oh we had that white stuff again today; nothing happened - no transport network breakdown, no people stranded. Frankly, nothing.

EN2 took agents as prescribed to Star Wars Whatever - apparently spiffing. Although EN2 did mention that if they'd just got on with it then it could all have been over in 10 mins - EN1 suspects that EN2 was taking the mick.

Whilst blissfully at home alone EN1 did advanced pottering; so nothing interesting there either.

All agents back at base by 3:30pm. Defiant states that she is going to X and will be back at 8pm. EN1 states that she may go to X but will be back by 7:30pm. Dialog goes along the lines of:

Defiant "but it is the holidays"

EN1 "yes, and you will be back by 7:30pm"

Defiant "BUT IT IS THE HOLIDAYS" [and repeat]

EN1 "yes, I heard you and you will be back by 7:30pm" [and repeat]

Defiant "But .... FFS"

EN1 "yes, and if you keep shouting then you just won't be going at all"

Defiant "Dad ... SHE says ..."

EN2 "yes, so you will be back at 7:30pm or you won't be going at all".

[dramatic door slam] - how is it possible to make the door slamming sound dramatic??

EN1 and 2 in unison "Bye Defiant".

EN1 [Yay! Thanks EN2 for keeping the faith]

EN1 can report that Defiant was back by 7:40pm, which is close enough in my book.

Camp Nide is shamed by Camp Dance as haven't even started latest jigsaw (Chrissie present) let alone finished it. And EN1 blushes that not a page of a book has been read for days, Hey, tomorrow perhaps?

EN2 talks of operation code name "Westfield" tomorrow with Defiant and Benign. EN1 not invited Smile Let's hope that the weather doesn't deteriorate overnight. Mode of transportation of the two wheeled, push pedal variety so snow, slush, sleet and ice not good. Although esteeming EN2 very much EN1 still think that he was a bit of an idiot to take Benign to Westfield in our last East London snowstorm using that form of transport. But, hey, what do I know?

k9 has broken ranks and has gone up with EN2. Doglet you are a fickle friend ... K9 got soaked on early morning maneuvers and is going to have to yield to the doggie jacket that is on order and due at 12:00 tomorrow (previously order too big). We all have to make sacrifices somewhere ...

Nide over and out.

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It’s en1s time to report in before retiring into bunker.

Fellow comrades, En1’s Friendly En from other ARF camp is coming to slumber in our camp and get in plenty of giggling and chattering. En1 and actually En2 are excited

There is a code PARTY in the orchard on New Year’s Eve for attendees who want to have a manageable evening of fun, silly games, food and a variety of families with a variety of ARF non ARF, etc

En1 is a bit concerned that she has raided the camp stores and used her remaining monthly spondoolies on enough rations to sink a battleship... however it all seems appreciated by families with/ without arf alike.

Wondering if any other camps are attending regulation annual PARTIES?

Any code ‘silly games’ to add to our orchard celebrational itinary greatly appreciated

Love to all camps

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Camp Nide reporting in.

Orchard, if you want a very silly card game then I can thoroughly endorse "Exploding Kittens"; EN2 and I tried it with Benign yesterday (Chrissie present) and at first EN1 thought "this is just too difficult to get my head around". By end of game 2 (Benign will never let you stop anything after one game) I realised that it was actually quite fun, not that difficult and that you could "play to win"** - not just a game of chance. By game 3 (and with no strops from Benign - or EN2!!) and when I'd won all three games I was positively loving it! But seriously, it is quite fun (but only up to 5 players per card set, although you can, I think, multiply easily so 10 players for two packs combined). A very silly card game but might be worth a gander.

** Just throwing this out there ... EN2 and I disagree on playing games to "win". EN2 thinks that, as an adult. one should play games to anticipate the lack of strategy of any small person and make sure that in the end they win. EN1 thinks that, within reason, you should anticipate the lack of strategy and then treat them as an equal and if they lose then, errr, they lose. I suspect that makes me a bad person but, hey, can't fault me for outright honesty!

Otherwise Camp Nide reports persistent calm. Defiant at a sleepover last night although came back stroppy but manageable at lunchtime today. Benign went downhill at the lead up to tea time (not something that we generally do except at Yuletide) and not sure why the strop. We (Benign and I) made Scottish biscuits and festive pies for said repast, served with a cup of char and Xmas cake. All, apparently, acceptable output from MESS. But still an undercurrent of "hrumph" from Benign till supper - still don't know why.

I can, however, report that Benign was curled up with his bunny family at the right time and with the right sentiments towards bunnies (we're Townies, remember!) and other livestock to make me feel that this minor incursion has passed.

K9 has a super new waterproof jacket; unclear whether this was a doggie hit or not. However, K9 has maintained ranks tonight and is waiting for me (or is she waiting for those two pesky felines that also hover about me to move so that she can target them better??)

Tune in tomorrow for the next thrilling installment.

Nide, over and out.

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Bugle call to all units.

Yes year 2018 has arrived with gusto. Orchard camp has been invaded by comrade Ham and much jolity has occurred especially surrounding ‘silly games night’

Memorable moments included ‘talent contest’ including acts of; singing, Dad dancing, Swedish jokes and farting armpits. Yes ENs we are talking high class entertainments.

Much in the way of rations consumed.

With 2 days of no bootcamp the Pip got out her ‘homework’ sheet

This has been know to cause explosions of all kinds in the past.

It appears once more ENs are bank rolling code ‘art week’


So off to the rations/ hobbycraft tent we go!

Battletank at the ready!

I’m the meantime En2 is taking down the festive decorations. The orchard boughs are looking very quiet... looking forward to some spring adornment

Wondering if there are any camps that have survived into 2018? Wondering if there are any ‘resolutions’ in the ARF apart from to never attach and drive ENs up the wall...

ENs resolutions also would be interesting to note.

Arf partridge has managed to send ‘happy new year’ missive but otherwise silence from agent. Trying not to worry about lack of comms

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Report from camp creative.

2018 has started with wailing over homework, both by Agent Sticky and EN1, luckily agent returns to boot camp tomorrow so peace between 8 and 5 will resume.

EN1 went back to paid madhouse and enjoyed picking at the office biscuit supply, EN2 supervised agent who had boot camp insect day, a visit to indoor water centre and sandwiches were the plan for today.

Agent Sticky has a resolution, to drive ENs to distraction, at the moment it appears she may succeed! Last night training exercise was messageing using semaphore, agent turned on bathroom and landing light, when asked to turn off, she spent 10 minutes flicking them on and off, ENs believe coded message was sent to special agent feline who appeared with small furry rodent in response.

Tonight’s training exercise appears to be urban demolition as all toys have been removed from downstairs storage and strategically placed on the floors.

Wishing all camps Sucesss for the new year.

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Camp T has attempted first game of 'Exploding Kittens' with moderate success. This was supplied by Father Christmas after communication from agent Shrimp that a youthful feline would be appreciated for Christmas. EN very proud of having supplied exactly what agent asked for with minimal inconvenience Wink

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Nide here. Calling in. Sentry posts all abandoned as camp coping with Storm force 10 Definant and batoning down the hatches. Hey ho. Let me tell you the story ...

EN2 radios in at 15:15 hours to EN1 who is at paid employment (an hour away from base): "Please come home now - Defiant building for a big one".

EN1 radios as 15:20 hours: "On my way; what is going on?"

EN2: "I have had to leave the house" (with Benign).

EN1 (40 mins later): gets home to find Definant entrenched and shouting about pretty much everything and anything. Apparently, we don't make her things that she likes to eat (errr?). "Why do I have to eat fruit?" - "Because you don't like Xmas cake, mince pies or any of the other things that we have - you could have had shortbread or choc digestives, if you'd wanted, but you were too busy shouting". We don't offer her sumptuous feasts and we are "rich and so should just have everything in the house that she wants" Errr .................

Apparently Defiant, having gone skating yesterday en famille, wanted to go again with friends today. But doesn't have the money that she needs to do so as she blew £150 (I kid you not) on Sunday on "stuff". EN2 said "no". Defiant erupted.

Benign not good at this sort of stuff and clingy and a bit droopy when EN1 got home (understandably, I think - Benign tried to defend Daddy and got "butt out" and "shove off" - and worse, I suspect, messages from Defiant). Benign in bed now. Defiant still glowering in her lair. I'm going to sign off and go to bed shortly.

Skating was fun yesterday. Would I do it again? Hmmmm ...

Happy New Year everyone. It is a winner for me so far.

Nide out.

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Camp penguin reassessing tactics with ds2 in the future, particularly regarding spondoolies, since passive aggressive nastiness is latest ARF tactic against both EN's though most strongly against EN1, for the sins of requesting a room tidy up , and less swearing. Meanwhile both EN's continue to run on half tanks due to after effects of dreaded lurgy over Christmas period.

Arf1 not yet returned from expeditions with mates, in utter south.

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Late night response to camp creative

Very important to note new arf code tactic

Flicky flashing on and off of camp alluminations is clearly an ARF code

Suggest all camps check out felines in case they are double Agents

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Camp Mooster reporting in having taken minor damage.

After Arf1's retreat on main festive day EN1 tried radio contact but getting no response decided to try small invasion onto Arf1 territory. EN1 reported back to EN2 in sarcastic tones of "well, that went well!"

EN1 was refused entry, EN1 was only trying to bomb Arf1 with regular annual good wishes as Arf1 reaches code key of the door special day. Apparently Arf1 knows how to use said key already and used it to prevent EN1 entry, who assuming no answer meant not at home and was going to leave small parcel of joy for Arf1 to find. Actually Arf1 was hiding in bunkhouse room with another of unidentified origin.

Last time EN1 refused entry to anyone was in last century when postman sent EN1a code you make me happy letter and following day rang door bell, EN1 hid only to discover later he was trying to deliver a parcel!

Arf1 a week later continues radio silence.....though EN1 suspects much traffic on code internet thingy.

Stringent torture methods have revealed furry agents to be wholly in EN's camp unless small bag of treats is opened then alligence is questionable.

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Evening report from camp creative, agent Sticky has returned to boot camp, as requested by agent extended boot camp was organised and all MESS duties were carried out there.

Double agent feline has again showed questionable behaviour, EN1 returned to barracks from paid manoeuvre to find feathered present on ENs bed. Double agent seemed satisfied when EN1 screamed upon entering barracks.

EN2 on returning to camp with agent Sticky , removed present for double agent, agent Sticky has decided to practise high pitched air raid warning locally called “singing”, electronic communication received from boot camp regarding “singing” at inappropriate times, ENs were hoping to get one whole day of boot camp before communications arrived but alas no.

EN1 is off to make a cup of tea and find a bar of hidden festive chocolate before replying to communication.

All camp warning of furry agent insurgents.

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Late night sentry report

Interested to note the double agent furries antics. Our furry agents are in sulk mode as the festive decorations have been returned to camp orchards loft. Small kitten fuzz ball is particularly miserable now her ‘internal climbing attack training equipment’ aka ‘Christmas tree’ has seemingly disappeared. Lots of search sorties from agent fuzzball under sofa, under table, under rug and in laundry containers in evidence. Finally she sought solace in attacking the vertical blinds and watching all who dare traverse past the orchard boughs... especially those with her sworn enemies the D-O-Gs or worst still other kitties....the scowl and growl tactic seemingly keeping both the correct side of the visual awareness panels.

In the meantime En2 was at paid expeditions and En1 has had the last day of Pip to herself. Alas comrades after the trip to the huge rations tent and feeling pleased at ‘sticking to list’ and less spondoolies spent En1 had her lunch and tea and was found to have lapsed into temporary stasis.

In this time Pip managed to get into the container of mince pies, chocolate milk and curly whirly rations and left the residue in situ.

En1 was unamused mostly as En1 was cooking favourite rations for madam as she returns to bootcamp on the ‘Morrow. Pip managed 2/3rds of dinner ration and was unamused to hear only FRUIT was on offer for pudding due to previous raid when En1 was incapacitated

En2 found this very good news indeed as he was therefore allowed the final mince of the pies....

Think some bootcamps have hyper Arf sensors that need reattuning (ideally by heavy artillery)

In the meantime other bootcamps seem to detect nothing at all until the ARF explode with gusto

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Camp Grockle belatedly checking in...

Many apologies to all other camps for going AWOL over festive period... EN1 can report that the xbox of desire was received with acclaim (and I think they were actually grateful!) unfortunately EN1 omitted to check that the televisual device in Camp Grockle would accept said xbox connection (an HDMI cable????), resulting in disappointed Agents and a red-faced EN (I'm definately failing on the tech front!) Agents were surprisingly accepting of the situation, a couple of days smurfing the local pre-owned sites and a quick trip to a local town in the battletank resulted in a humungeous televisual device ('we need a big tv so we can play 4-player games' they said) and the xbox of desire was plugged in and worked like a dream.

As a result Camp Grockle has been relatively calm, although there were explosions yesterday when the magic wi-fi was turned off yesterday evening to allow Agent K to get back into a routine for attendance at bootcamp tomorrow, much shouting, swearing 'I don't go to college until Friday you di*k, why do you have to switch it off now!!!' However, both ENs stood their ground and the xbox of desire was turned of before the witching hour of midnight.

Am expecting another battle this evening as wi-fi will be turned off even earlier!

EN1 and 2 are looking forward to a visit from good friends this coming weekend, they were due to visit between Christmas and New Year but both had dreaded flu, so are expected tomorrow, at least Agents are usually better behaved (and less sweary!) when Camp grockle has visitors!

Wishing all Camps a happy and peaceful (yeah, right!) 2018

Camp Grockle signing off

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Nide sentry reporting in. All troops and officers back in position after Force 10D, day before yesterday. Hatches still batterned but EN1 and 2 not currently on nerve-jangling hyper-vigilant watch. EN1 anticipates after-shocks of fibre-exhausting quality in the next day or two. EN1 has been wrong, but not often, on this sort of thing.

Boot Camp has recommenced for Defiant [yay!]. Benign back to full regulation orders Monday next. ENs 1 and 2 have relished all that a small scrap can offer whilst nothing exciting is going on; we've done tag parenting - he's loved it and we've loved it.

Meanwhile ...

Field report 03/04:

EN2 gets wireless communication from Defiant's Boot Camp which goes something like this: "For Defiant's GCSE PE we would love to take or have taken a video of her doing sport X which she tells us that she does on a regular basis out of school at a competitive level. We need the video by mid Feb at the absolute latest. It counts as 10% of her GCSE grade. Defiant has been promising us this for the last few months so just wanted to hurry it along". EN2 forwards to EN1. EN1 gets Boot Camp physical education supervisor on wireless communication. Conversation goes something like this:

EN1: "Errrr. Lovely to talk to you and all that. I think that we might have a problem ... Defiant hasn't done sport X since year 6 (when she was 10-11) except for 2 practice sessions back last Sept / Oct when she then told us that she hated it and wasn't ever going to go again. So, really I don't think a video of her doing this is going to be possible".

Boot Camp Lovely Teacher: "Errrrr. Why would she lie to me about this? She told me only last week that she was on to it. I don't understand".

EN1: "Errrr. Dunno. Sorry. I just thought that I should let you know. I know that it isn't my GCSE and you are not my teacher but I just thought that you should know. Sorry. Can you gently persuade her to sport Y? Is there time? Can she make it?". [ie EN1 goes in to blob as just can not account for behaviour of Defiant even to herself, let alone anyone else].

BC LT: "Errrrr......".

So Defiant is, hopefully, going to extra lessons in sport Y; no explosion about it tonight so looks like BC LT did her thing but only time will tell.

So, summary report: Defiant has been lying to school about something that will affect her GCSE result for PE and *thought that no one would notice*??? EN2's comment "stupid girl". EN1's comment "WtF??". Can't explain it (although on so may levels I can) but can only react to it and hope that my intervention doesn't explode in our faces at any time.

Nide reports that double-agents M and A are still lovely - no special presents for us this Yuletide.

Orchard, best tip for small double agent is to leave one non-destructible glittery, Xmasy thing where it can be "discovered and destroyed" and all else is solved, in my experience. Other heights to be conquered (Xmas tree) are forgotten in pursuit of this one glittery ball... Just saying ... Kittens are fantastic fun - enjoy!

Nide over and out.

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Sneaking onto the arf log

Arf Partridge has been in contact with orchard.

Agent professes interest in ornithology ~ apparently lurking about in villages and trips to the coast with optical enhancement equipment.

En1 initially delighted that Agent is following his hero CHRIS PACKHAM of SPRINGWATCH fame.

However, En2 has pointed out that Agent is known to have uttered the odd porky and indeed the camp BS meter is softly hooting it’s displeasure. En1 as usual blindly (stupidly?) optimistic about Agent

Upon speaking to cavalry grandpa it appears agents interest in ornithology coincides with noticing local nudist beach isn’t a million miles away, as he had asked cavalry grandpa to show STUDLAND beach on a map recently. Noted the nearby nature reserve.

En2 has casually mentioned via text ‘the climate for bird watching on beaches is not good especially lacking tits of all types....’ no response to En2

However, Agent has decided not to take up the offer of En1 local beds of Britain field guide at this time.

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Camp Grockle reporting...

Relative calm in the camp today, Agent K back at bootcamp, expected minor explosions upon his return yesterday evening as is usual upon change of routine (well, since the arrival of the xbox of desire, any routine actually!) but Agent K was surprisingly calm and said he'd 'had a good day'. Good relations didn't last as both Agents expressed acute displeasure at being requested to clear MESS table and commence washing-up proceedings. much swearing and slamming of doors etc, this is bviously a work in progress and will need more training!

EN2 back to paid expeditions today as is working as a supply teacher so spondoolies are somewhat erratic, EN1 still searching for elusive employment following earlier redundancy, nothing much out there but will continue search.

Thanks to Orchard camp re: Agents interest in ornihithology, will await further developments with interest, especially when weather improves!

Grockle signing off

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Camp Nest reporting in with the news that this camp is in early stages of relocating basecamp which means of course Agent Sqk is displaying all sorts of Arfness. ENs expected this and are coping although reports from bootcamp & temporary basecamp not so good. Relocation involves moving very close to EN1's place of paid expeditions so Agent Sqk will benefit as EN1 and EN2 hoping there will be no need for temporary basecamp before bootcamp at all and only need after three times a week. Will still need over those bootcamp holidays as EN1's higher bootcamp often doesn't have breaks at same time as agent's bootcamp plus EN1 does have limited days off.

Camp Nest can sympathise with camp Grockle and Xbox of desire fun - Camp Nest has contained one longer than the agent has been in the camp although it was upgraded soon after agent arrived. Agent Sqk loves playing Lego games on it but also accepts the limits put of it by ENs - who are both thankfully techie minded and also have also no non-cavalry Uncle (EN1's brother) who is very very much techy so hope as Agent Sqk grows to keep one step ahead of the agent.....

Beaver manoeuvres started again on Monday with EN1 warning fellow officers that Agent Sqk was in a 'wobbly' state. He actually coped relatively well although EN1 did resort to carrying him at time. EN1 re-starts her role as Brownie officer tomorrow night without her two most disruptive girls who have progressed further up. Just hoping Agent Sqk copes until EN2 gets home.

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Camp creative reporting in, agent Sticky has managed two days at boot camp without electronic communication.

Agent and EN1 are returning to Brownies tonight, excitement from agent as she has been in guides from September at the same time and has missed the Brownies.

EN1 has a meeting on Thursday regarding paid expedition possibly stopping the words redundancy have been flashed about.

Agent has signed up for bugle lessons with the recorder, hourly practises have been taking place and both ENs are thinking of asking the Easter bunny for ear defenders.

Double agent feline has been in collusion with agent Sticky again, agent Sticky has been feeding double agent tuna sandwiches so she can have dessert from MESS, feline is happy with this arrangement, both agents have now been separated during mess time. Feline double agent has been threatened with prison time if these episodes of collusion continues.

Camp creative sends mid weeks greetings to all camps.

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Late night missive,

Interested to read of ‘relocation’ of best and agent squalks activity increase as a result

All camps should be aware of explosive conduct of agents when the word ‘move’ is mentioned. All ARFishness is quadrupoled immediately

Non Arf Pip has been code busy this evening with constructing a letter ‘to the google’

ENs await the instruction to the multinational company of hugeness but suspect it has something to do with the lack of internet and lots of ‘buffering’ when she’s trying to watch ‘the worst witch’ on the cbbc of glory.

En2 has returned from the local SPY CAMP.

Well camp anyway as he’s in the local panto, practicing pretending to be other persons. Actually En2 has procured the part of ‘the baddy’ and is thoroughly enjoying self being mean as he has to be nice all the time elsewhere. Suggest this is a code ‘good thing’ to enable en2s nights out of basecamp and to do something else. Plus impersonating characters might be a handy spy technique for use with Arf

Arf Partridge has seemingly gone off ornithology for the time being, it will be interesting to see what happens in July, perhaps his interest will suddenly return? Maybe En1 should explain she would like to attend with Agent and enjoy seeing his faintly horrified expression...!

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Camp penguin reporting ,now fully operational again after dreaded lurgy attack at Christmas .

Arf1 now returned from Deep South, but seeking new duties as paid operational post no longer require him but is enjoying a few days fun with a friend while waiting for various applications for fresh manoeuvres to be processed

Arf2 meanwhile seems to have finally woken up a bit to the value of bootcamp as regards potential future paid expeditions, and has been quote " making an effort" at schoolwork. Maths homework completed late night without the usual massive fuss. EN's were even unaware he was doing it until nearly finished !!

EN's here considering big changes as possible move to camp by cavelry grandad is being considered if spondoolies allow. Cavelry auntie pushing hard and EN's would find it easier than maintaining distant comms " across the water" but resources unclear as yet.

EN 1 girding loins for much neglected code " housework"

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Camp ham reporting in after exhaustive operations during the night. Arf dd decided to try and regain entry to base camp despite restraining order so reinforcements from boys and girls in blue . Ham reacted badly to this near intrusion and finally retiring at 4.30 am could not to sleep due to recurring nightmares.

arf dd now awaiting court appearance and ham hopefully wont have to go to court as she admitted to police she was here- well they picked her up on the door step.

thankfully Arf ds2 was at carers so missed the stress.

non Arf ds3 was here with gf and they plied me with drinks for those in the know hot water only was on the menu.

hope all other camps have a peaceful weekend.

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Camp penguin plans derailed by aggressive outburst from ARF 2 , as reaction to request to pass out all school trousers to EN1 for disposal of old and too small ones. ARF 1 overheard threats and swearing to EN's and intervened to make ARF 2 aware he had overstepped the mark and expressed deep displeasure and anger at arf2 for his behaviour.

Silence has been reigning as ARF 2 digested ARF 1 reaction. He has now finally just come in, having reached a state of calmerness, claiming he needs some new casual trousers and that there is only one pair of school trousers that are too small. I know there are three and have told him so, and that he will get money for new casual trousers once the three old school trousers are found and disposed of. (Stubborn , moi, of course )

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It’s time for the late night round up in the pear tree orchard

It has been a code ‘funny’ weekend as En2 has spent lots of it practicing to be someone else at the local Troop Entertainments.

En1 has been Womaning the trenches and has declared exhaustion.

Concern at reading at attempted camp Ham invasion by unwelcome invader

Suggestions of boobytrapped doormat with 10ft trapdoor slide with optional doorbell tazer option, alternative super slippy path that slippery slides & drops madam off at the local cop shop possible.

Arf partridge has declared self attending En1s annual celebrations at the end of the month. Elderly and slightly nuts (infinitely entertaining) granny also going and cavalry grandparents funding the evening. Non arf pip, silly and occasionally cavalry aunty also attending

What could possibly go wrong ?

Now, onto the issue of the leg encasers known as ‘trousers’

These are a mystery as they also disappear and reappear at intervals in the orchard camp. Sometimes they have been knobbled by the small grumbling item of heated glory aka TUMBLEDRIER

This has been known to knobble En1s tops, the odd pair of regulatory might attire and of course it EATS ODD SOCKS

Keep an eye comrades

It may have been infiltrated by the arf to drive ENs nuts

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Bugle tooting

Rouse the troops

There’s been a distinct lack of reporting this week-

Have the arf conquered their ENs and drowned all communication devices?

En1 pear tree and been waddling in the brown sticky stuff after some times cavalry sister threw a granade into our trench.

Severe heart damage to En1.

Who has suffered several days of optical leakage at the pain inflicted.

Having declared only face to face contact was desired by sister, En1 has been informed future words are only to be used via email

En1 is devastated.

This is all surrounding ongoing messes surrounding Arf Blossom, no longer in regiment.

En2 has endeavoured to prop up weeping wife and repair the trench as best he can. Young Pip had to be told some thing so En1 informed her that aunty will not be seeing us for some time.

Pip has taken down all visuals including aunt from the orchard boughs and put the face down in her bunker.

ENs think this is fair enough as her way of coping

Thankfully other ENs with troubled older ARF have rallied to our distress flair via POTATO group.

Amazingly some of our families STILL do not get it MANY years in and it is incredibly stressful.

Insomnia returned

Please dispatch immediate coping juice rations

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Huge hugs to all in the Orchard. Calendar camp is still under the medics, whatever it is its been around a long time and en1 has officially been signed off for a month and various tests being taken. All agents are adults, but still they are agents and there is a lot of stuff going on for them all, sadly the stuff going on for littly agent is not nice and she needs us to prop her up which is hard when en is so unwell, but hey ho onwards and upwards.

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Report from creative camp.

Hugs to all at orchard camp, hoping situation with callers aunt improves.

Camp has been suffering from attacks by agent Sticky, double agent feline and boot camp.

Agent has taken to shouting communication from every corner of camp without coming to find ENs, also has added new “special” rude words to her vocabulary.

communications from boot camp Regarding agents new language skills and her need for extra food, sneaking extra cake at lunchtime.

Agent has also been training feline double agent, double agent has now learnt the art of late night MESS manoeuvres along side agent Sticky, both have raided fridge, agent Sticky eating yougert, jam and bread, double agent feline being given ham and cooked mini sausages.

Both ENs have had the lurgy since the festive period, EN1 is still suffering lingering symptoms and is praying for good health.

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Camp penguin back on track for now. ARF2 lying low this week, after last week's outburst, passed a bootcamp biology test with a B (but didn't tell us till arf1 asked!) and even (is this an undercover plot?) did a fair bit of hoovering to help on Friday.

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Camp Dance has been very quiet all week - quietest since ARFs arrived ten years ago ....... however reason is trickier as final ARF moved out in chaotic fashion .... bootcamp exams and adultitis (I can do what I want) combined to great effect ..... although he has told non ARF friends he is coming back soon.....

ENs been enjoying the luxury of time together and peace and quiet ..... dancing, meals out, long walks, etc.... mixed feelings on possibility of ARF2 returning....

Camp Dance also had lots of white stuff this week so FLM (aka dog) has been mega excited, even needing to go out at midnight to check it was still there! Someone forget to tell her she is now a geriatric!

Much love to all other camps xx

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