test_contentimg

The Adoptive Revolutionary front (2nd edition)

Report content

A few years back, I started a thread called the ARF. All the adoptees are known as ARF Agents. All the grown ups- enemy (En1 normally mum and En2 most often Dad but hey, use whatever you feel is ok!)

The idea is to have as much fun as possible writing about the various activities you and the ARF get up to in military terms in as funny terms as you can.

Other wording like school is bootcamp, erm SCUM Is services cost us money (they infiltrate everythng with services in the title) MESS is kitchen MASH medical services


Each new ‘activity’ is logged in the fabled ‘ARF Handbook’ which has yet to arrive in most ARF encampments as most ENs haven’t a clue what’s coming next!


up
1Be the first user to support this

Pages

ARF2 escaped compulsory extra bootcamp, and received sympathetic but firm handling from bootcamp teacher, following suspected electronic comms from EN1. ARF2 now has done some of the basecamp work for bootcamp (now awaiting electronic communication from fellow bootcamper for joint operations on the rest) ARF2 also did dishes duty tonight to recover some spondoolies, giving EN1 a rare night off !!

EN now doing extra planning for expedition to adult bootcamp tomorrow, as forecast suggests manouvre will be wet and windy with possible snow, threatening transportation device , excuses expected to be from choice - wrong snow , leaves/rain on line or signalling/electrical problem due to wind.

ARF2 and EN1 scheduled to commence CTree decs operation at 20.00 hours. ARF2 requests choice of decs.


up
Be the first user to support this

EN1 reporting on late night sentry duty in Camp Grockle


Both Agents are at basecamp, Agent N has been AWOL again, although EN's were informed of absence via telephonic communication. After one night AWOL, Agent N has returned to bunker following immersion in deep water including the dreaded 'bath foam'. Agent N informs EN's that he has a cold, and needs urgent supplies of an energy giving beverage 'Lucozade'. Supplies purchased and administered to Agent N.


EN1 & 2 attended Agent K's educational establishment yesterday evening and for once it was a pleasant surprise as Agent K seems to be getting on ok, could do better but at least he's not in trouble all the time!


Operation Festive Decs has been put on hold as EN1 is unhappy about disturbing the spiders in the upper tier of basecamp and has tasked EN2 with the difficult duty.


Purchase of Xbox of desire also on hold until stocks are back in, there's plenty of time... right?


EN1 and 2 had rare evening pass from basecamp this evening to attend Festive Quiz at local beer establishment, due to other team members outstanding knowledge of Christmas songs and anagrams, EN1 and 2 were for once on the winning team!


Camp grockle over and out


up
2 users have supported this.

Late night sentry EN1 at camp Nide filing a brief report.


All quiet on the East London front. EN1 out earlier tonight on codename "meet up with friend" manoeuveres whilst EN2 with Agents Defiant and Benign on codename "pizza out". All manoeurveres successfully completed.


At approx. 16:50 hours yesterday Agent Benign bitten on the face (I kid you not) by other child at bootcamp+ (aka supervised play facility within school grounds). Agent B understandably upset and in shock by seemingly unprovoked attack. Bootcamp taking seriously but no resolution as yet. Agent Benign being treated with TLC by EN1 and EN2 but this is, frankly, all we need! Having said that, EN2 managed to talk the Head Teacher twice in one day for as long as it took which sends out a positive to EN1 about our choice of school.


Agent Defiant decided that yesterday was a good day to protest, extremely vocally and in words that camp commander does not approve of, about anything and everything and blocked ENs 1 and 2 from their own private barrack - sitting in the doorway to barrack (for several hours) until a suitable victim (any EN will do) went past. Sadly for Agent D, ENs 1 and 2 decided to just go to bed rather that take the onslaught. It took Agent D about 50 mins to realise that ENs 1 and 2 really weren't coming down again and finally Defiant went to bed - I always knew that some time, some where there would be a benefit to EN2's snoring. I never realised till yesterday what it might be ,,,


Agent Defiant's phone has been blocked from all social media apps (thanks to the stunningly effective app recommended by other comrades in arms; again thanks for the recommendation) to compensate for her less that desirable behaviour yesterday. I suspect that the muster message "behave as I wish or see them blocked for longer" was key to the success of codename "Pizza Out" with EN2.


EN1 has spent a stunning 4.5 hours on the phone today in total with Professionals and hubby trying to put safeguarding in place for Agent Defiant. who doesn't see that she is in any danger. EN1 now exhausted and going to ride with the calm, get some shuteye and rise phoenix-like from the ashes tomorrow,


Nide, over and out.


up
3 users have supported this.

Shhhhh comrades it’s En1 pear tree whispering softly because Pip has recently achieved the hallowed state of nocternal stasis.


This morning Pip emimtted a siren of uuuuughhhhaaaah whining noise. En2 stood struck by the melodic nature and it faintly reminded him of something. En1 (annoyingly to En2) immediately suggested search and rescue of ‘forehead thermometer’ & immediate deployment.

Once En2 had ‘anointed his SPAM’ to check function of said equipment and endured personal injury when En1 commanded he get the smeg on with it, he checked Pip and discovered internal raging furnace reading of 38.5


En1 smugly grinned as she had correctly known the reason behind the siren wail. En1 looked considerably less smug when she realised En2 is off to paid expeditions leaving En1 with poorly Pip


Many moons ago ENs ARF devised a technique called ‘limpet mine’

This can successfully drive ENs doolally within minutes, over a few hours the en begins to develop nervous twitch

Operational use of ‘limpet mine’ is for the ARF to clamp the EN, often physically but if not in body contact yelling will suffice. Arf do not let ENs out of striking zone and if ENs stray, they then do the mine part & EXPLODE


En notes that Pip has spent enough time with the ARF to absorb this honed technique when she is code ‘poorly’.

Arf really liked to deploy ‘limpet mine’ in an array of unlimited circumstances.


En2 and en1 were meant to be out on a late pass to local pub and restaurant for festive gobbling drinking and giggling with fellow En’s (non arf variety)


Alas, En2 has had to attend on orchard camps behalf while En1 eats toast a mince pie with a cuppa and a slightly wrinkled tangerine.

En1 trying not to be jealous of En2


Hoping En2 might cook roast rations on Sunday for all to enjoy. Planning operation ctree and transformation of orchard to sclaus grotto Sunday afternoon with ARF partridge’s able gangly assistance


up
2 users have supported this.

Late night sentry report


Camp Grockle reports one Agent on manoeuvres at educational establishment bootcamp, trip has been arranged for tomorrow departing at 08.00 hours, as education transport does not reach establishment until after this time, Agent K is 'camping out' at bootcamp (under supervision!) in order to attend said trip.


Agent N is obviously feeling under pressure as the only Agent in Camp Grockle and has been thoroughly nasty to EN1 and 2 all evening, many words unacceptable to our delicate ears have been uttered and Agent N has retired to bunker, where floor is now strewn with dirty clothes, a wet bath towel, empty bottles, fag packets and dirty plates etc.... En1 & 2 suspect 'dirty campaign' is being waged in attempt to persuade EN's to show him the door, which would increase his street cred no end. EN's are firmly resisting said pressure.


Commiserations sent to Camp Orchard on poorly Pip, and to EN1 on missing out on well-earned evening pass. Am impressed with forward planning on Sunday pm - Operation CTree


up
2 users have supported this.

Camp Nest reporting in with notice that Agent Sqk has definitely started the ramp up of wobbliness as expected on lead up to Operation Festivities. Camp Nest successfully completed Operation CTree last weekend and cannot wait the next 6 days till Operation Christmas Performance is completed at bootcamp - closely followed by Operation Christmas Party at bootcamp. Agent Sqk does not finish at bootcamp for another 13 days whereas EN1's students finish at her higher bootcamp in seven days. EN1 is struggling through to the end and is looking forward to the end of Brownie Manoeuvres next week although she does have that dreaded 'Sleepover' exercise to get through as well. Beaver Manoeuvres do not complete till the following week but EN1 has pre-warned her fellow officers that she and Agent Sqk may be absent on leave by then. EN1 had a successful meeting in basecamp last night to plan next term's Beaver Manoeuvres - just the Brownie ones to go.


Agent Sqk is decidely in code 'not listening' state at the moment and EN1 has much sympathy with EN1 Peartree as her ARF agent has also perfected the technique known as 'limpet mine'. EN1 has joyfully informed the sergeant of temporary basecamp that Agent Sqk is likely to be in code 'loud, defiant and not listening' state till end of bootcamp where upon EN1 takes over responsibility for the agent till bootcamp re-starts. Bootcamp officer has also been informed that basecamp work is not happening as the agent is far too needy at the moment.


18 days to go comrades till Operation Festivities is over.....


up
1 user has supported this.

Met Office camp reporting in - but may be interrupted by night-time ARF manoeuvres. Both Hurricanes and Tsunamis have blown through the camp regularly in recent days and EN1 is in need of further storm protection equipment.


Annual Festive celebrations are in full swing in the area surrounding the camp - but not within it. Annual age related festivities take precedence. They also add to the regularity and severity of local weather systems. This pattern of stormy weather systems is well known to EN1 - but sadly no more manageable for the years of practise.


EN1 has been mulling over the seemingly increased occurrence of December birthdays amongst the ARF...


up
1 user has supported this.

Camp penguin reeling at so called " friendly fire"

Over and out


up
4 users have supported this.

Creative camp reporting in for weekend update, agent Sticky is in full seasonal swing, ecclesiastical choir is now in full carol mode which means camp is also in full carol mode. EN2 has man flu and is still staggering on with camp duties, EN1 is still contemplating errection and decoration of seasonal green thing, may be more white juice is needed.


EN1 & 2 plus agent have been request to visit boot camp CO, next week to discuss agent cooperation or lack of, with all things boot camp. EN1 feels seasonal greeting and beverages will not be exchanged at this meeting.


EN1 has 1 week left at work before seasonal R&R commences, she’s unsure if she is excited by this or not. She had an appointment at MASH and would rather this wasn’t going ahead, so planning on waiting for appointment date using the ostrich manoeuvre of head in the sand.


Ecclesiastical manoeuvres tomorrow is being looked upon by EN1 with fear, agent is reading at said event then lighting 20 candles for the young non AFR agents, agent Sticky can be a bit distracted at these events and EN1 worries agent will burn medieval ecclesiastical venue to the ground. EN2 is not attending said event due to football on TV, the only upside to ecclesiastical event is elderly members of the congregation serve hot sessional beverage and pies afterwards and do a great job of amusing all agents in the side hall.


EN1 signing off, dinner, white alcoholic beverage and dancing on large screen are all soon.


up
1 user has supported this.

It’s saturday and currently the orchard is in emergency mode

‘Pip of the snots’ has had a code ‘blazing fever’ on and off for several days, she is currently ‘Pip at the emergency docs.’


En2 is taking 10yr old in his battletank to the local MASH out of hours service as attempts by ENs to quell internal blaze have only had limited success.

En1 is waiting to hear smoke signal from En2 about how long the wait is


In the meantime, En1 peartree has been soothed by missives from other camps on the ARF log. Suggest ‘coping juice’ is dispatched to all alcohol appreciative camps and hot alcohol free bevvies for the others.


En1 has of course invited arf partridge to the annual ‘decking the bows’ afternoon, TOMORROW. It occurs with current medical emergency with Pip it might not be the usual time and arf partridge really needs routine with capital R at this time of year in particular


Appreciate all comrades thoughts and messages to celestial division at current challenging moment in orchard camp.


up
3 users have supported this.

Message to celestial division request received and acted on. Best wishes to all in Camp Orchard , Especially pip.

Camp penguin in peaceful mod as arf1 on work manoeuvres and arf2 on code " sleepover"

ENs off duty now and enjoying mulled beverage.


up
1 user has supported this.

Message sent to celestial division on behalf or orchard camp, hope pip of the snot is feeling better soon.


Festive decorations have been placed around creative camp, the appearance of wet white stuff outside of the camp has meant the agent stick has been outside getting cold and wet whilst EN1 enjoyed a hot cup of tea and toast.


Ecclesiastical manovers this afternoon have been cancelled due to level of white stuff and lack of heating in meeting place.


EN2 has agreed agent Sticky could go and complete outdoor exercise with non ARF agents, EN1 hates these events as agent Sticky has little social skills and will cause problems. More hot tea anyone.


up
Be the first user to support this

Camp Nide reporting in.


Plenty of that white stuff here in East London. EN1 on a mission currently to guide Agent Defiant back in to Basecamp after code "sleepover" - cab booked but with lots of caveats from company of the "if it gets worse then ..." variety. No other forms of transport seem to be available in the great Metropolis. Buses, Tube, and seemingly everything else on a go-slow or suspended completely. EN1 refuses point blank to mobilise vehicular transport in adverse weather conditions on the grounds that she might crash and kill us all.


However, EN1 can report that Agent Defiant requested trip to hairdresser with EN1 (who had to cancel own appointment for today due to camp members missing in action). Action previously unheard of because Defiant has 1. has stoutly refused to get a clipping for, literally, years and 2. Defiant has often commented that "I don't want to spend any time with you!". EN1 at a slight loss of what to make of this but is "going with the flow" and trying to book a double appointment at the clippers for after school later in the week.


EN2 and Agent Benign currently out shopping for festive gifts for EN1 (on their bikes). Whilst EN1 appreciates the sentiment she seriously wishes that they had listened to EN1's words of wisdom along the lines of "I'd prefer no presents than presents purchased whilst in danger from the elements". EN1 was told "not to be so wet; it will be an adventure" or words to that effect. EN1 unconvinced by this but, yet again, is going with the flow. EN1 on high anxiety alert but trying to tell herself not to be so stupid.


Nide also reports that Puppy non-Agent K9 is perplexed and bewildered by that white stuff whilst being curiously drawn to it. Frantic bursts of activity followed by the seeming need to have a little lie down in bunk. Non-Agents of the feline variety are taking the opportunity to catch up on a bit of shuteye in the hope that it will all go away.


More insubordination on the mince pie front from EN2 and Benign last night. EN1 has decided to turn a blind eye and appreciate the boy-bonding aspects of this exercise.


Nide sending best wishes to Orchard with the hope that the snotty one will be back on active service very soon. Nide unable to send messages to celestial division due to lack of belief therein but recognises and respects the beliefs of other camps and hope that said messages have the desired effect.


Nide, over and out.


up
Be the first user to support this

Arf2 at camp penguin just signalled in request for transportation device driven by EN2 to collect from code " sleepover" as East London is not the only part of the U.K. to be on lockdown. ( it's a lovely dry sunny day here, if extremely cold) No trains on line till tomorrow.

According to my father in three months deep snow in late 1940's , the trains all kept running. Now it only seems to take a few hours of freeze , wind or snow, and everything to grind to a halt. Steam train anyone !


up
Be the first user to support this

Camp Nide filing interim report.


All camp members checked back in at basecamp and relative calm at Camp Nide right now. EN1 off high anxiety and calmly managed to snort (by accident) perfume sample that EN2 brought back from purchase facilities. Anyone remember the advice from years ago that you shouldn't squirt perfume on to you but should squirt into air and blithely run into the vapour? This is what EN1 attempted to do. I do not recommend it to anyone over the age of 30.


Camp members other than EN1 and felines A and M departed on maneuveres codenam "walk the puppy" with whispered strictures from EN2 that "this will be a short one". EN1 understands and doesn't really care the length or breadth of maneuveres but just hopes that same calm resumed at conclusion to perambulations.


The elements have decided to be kind at East London base and that white stuff has stopped falling, is now melting and, with luck, by tomorrow no one will believe that it was ever here. Having said that it is pretty dark outside, considering that it is only a quarter past four. I take on entirely camp Penguin's point - it is recognised that snow falls in other parts of the kingdom than East London - however, we so rarely get any snow that everyone is taken totally unawares and makes comments such as "that white stuff falling - what is it?? and what do we do about it??". Hey ho.


Nide, over and out.


up
1 user has supported this.

Weekend manoeuvres successfully completed by camp SWest, despite lengthly unforeseen transport delays. Major battle front opened up over use of long sought-after, newly arrived communications device. Agent Attitude launched a number of salvos in front of allies where camp was established for the weekend. EN1 held firm despite signs of allied camp incomprehension about necessity to establish strong defence lines at early stage in war. While skirmish won, further major outbreaks of hostilities expected before latest battle front contained.


up
Be the first user to support this

En1 pear tree on late night sentry.

Despite much meteorological adornment of the white stuff throughout camps oF the U.K. EN1 regrets to inform company no such exciting white stuff collected on the orchard boughs.

Pip of the Snots is still code ‘unwell’ and has a hot bonce. And a hot everything despite reporting being freeezing.

But this is a degree less than took her to see the emergency doc yesterday so those who do have a line into celestial division - keep it coming !

However the poorly pip has brought siege mentality to orchard camp. Arf Partridge repotted non attendance do to not feeling too great himself. Trying hard to ignore the faint bleeping of the BS meter. Further day of festive tinsel flinging arranged.

Therefore ENs and pip have remained in a propped up position in front of the visual entertainment device for most of the day.

K9 and small fuzz ball feline have not enjoyed the ‘blowing a hoolie’ And the freezing rain atmos. Fuzzball attempted nudging kitty access point open and was blown back into orchard mess room. K9 has done the quickest wee on doggy record and rushed himself in as fast as 4 legs could carry him, only later discovering the welcome shelter of the camps springy observation post. Sadly, fuzzball decided further action of ‘tiddle on ENs bunker’ was required and so En2 has grumpily installed inclement weather facilities for small fuzzball.

Fuzzball smugly surveying k9 as En1 types


up
Be the first user to support this

Camp Nest can report a disappointed Agent Sqk as there wasn't enough white stuff up here to build a snowman. It was simply left over from Thursday night and frozen solid by further inclement temperatures. However both ENs relieved that the forecast white stuff fell further south as both had to be at paid expeditions this morning and neither was looking forward to getting in. Agent Sqk managed service part of Beaver Festive Manoeuvres yesterday but then had to be removed by EN2 to safer quarters due to excess noise (from non-ARF Beavers). EN1 was required to remain as a trainee officer for Beavers. No manoeuvres tonight which is a good thing as EN1 has an appointment at the MASH to see what is going on in her hip. This will be following the last code 'lecture' of the semester and Operation Festive Dinner with fellow higher bootcamp officers.


The furry members of camp nest - two of the feline variety - have hunkered down indoors - not certain what the young L made of the little white stuff we had but there does seem a lack of 'presents' in the last week. Much to the relief of ENs as EN2 informed EN1 that Agent Sqk was rather interested in the semi disembowelled feline 'present' a fortnight ago.


up
1 user has supported this.

Camp penguin continues to have a shortage of the white stuff( though plenty on the hills nearby) It was this anomaly together with weather related transport issues in this area, that penguin EN1 was reporting on the other day, while usually drier places got more than their usual share.

Glad to hear pip has pepped up slightly.

Arf1 presently conducting "private" conversation with girlfriend via wireless headset clearly forgetting that what HE says can be heard by all agents in residence. ARF2 surprisingly cheerful , acknowledged EN1 with greetings as he left for bootcamp this morning. eN2 in grump mode operation due to heating device (aka boiler) failure and EN1 on study duties.


up
1 user has supported this.

operation decamp of non ARF ds3 to base camp is complete . main living quarters no longer invaded with belongings but other area still need to be decluttered.

Non ARf ds3 gf has never had a real Christmas tree this has been rectified by the purchase of one on Saturday and now in situ .Ent dd has sussed operations at base camp and keeps trying to make contact. Possibly being homeless and the inclement weather thinks I will crack and let her home. She is creating fb accounts to blackmail non arf ds3 so may need police back up to protect the base.


hope camp calendar has rid itself of the lurgy.

ooh dear just noticed it snowing again maybe another snow day tomorrow.good luck everyone


up
1 user has supported this.

Camp Dance reporting in for the first time.....


Camp summary:

ARF1 recently moved into Camp Flat and made contact after many months in the wildnerness. Camp Flat MESS was full of furry food, but ENs assisted in removing hazardous waste. ENs hope to assist again, but fear timing as 18th and festivities loom. ARF3 reports poor choices by ARF1.

ARF2 camps at Dance Camp and doing OK (in teenage ARF terms) and even showing signs of maturity (EN hoping she isn't speaking too soon). Adulthood looms in 8 days. However, key bootcamp ally leaving and old enemy returning, so watch this space for updates.

ARF3 camps in SCUM unit and visited on Saturday - all went well. Wants to return to dance camp but no can do just now.


Four Legged Member (FLM) getting bossier in her old age and now refuses to run/cycle with ENs and will run home if any attempt to persuade her to join in occurs. FLM still enjoys walks in hills and ball chasing.


ENs surviving....camping in a beautiful part of the world helps! EN2 has a great job he loves with some flexibility and EN1 enjoying the outdoors with FLM and sometimes keeping house!


Camp Dance awaiting fall out of next few weeks with two birthdays and then holiday festivities to get through...shortly followed by bootcamp mocks.


Merry festivity wishes to all Camps.


up
1 user has supported this.

Camp creative weather report, plenty of the white stuff here, enough for boot camp to be cancelled today. EN2 left for office at first opputunity, EN1 and Agent tackled some festive baking of the gingerbread kind, then decorated miniature men in festive uniform, the camp snowman got a white stuff guard dog to help with century duty. Agent and EN1 made it to festive dance performance and last dance manover of the year.


Camp creative is glad to her pip of the snot is improving, more ecclesiastical murmurings will be said tonight.


EN1 has now got a persistent and tickle cough and feels a trip to MASH for breathing meds before It closes for sessional festivities, may be required.


EN1 is also watching the horizon for smoke signals from the direction of boot camp to confirm agent is able to attend tomorrow, along with all other agents.


up
1 user has supported this.

Camp Grockle reporting in


Greetings to all hunkered down camps, and especially get well wishes to Pip of the Orchard camp.


Unfortunately there is none of 'the white stuff' here in the West, there was some in the air en route to dropping Agent K off at bootcamp transport this a.m. but it was of very short duration. Agents N and K have been looking longingly at the televisual device tonight and bewailing the lack of white stuff.


Camp Grockle relatively quiet over the weekend due to Agents decamping to local town ostensibly to 'buy presents' as a 'B & M' store has recently opened, EN1 expects very small amount of spondoolies spent on 'presents' and more spondoolies spent on sweets and beverages of the fizzy variety.


EN1 was allowed a day pass to leave Camp Grockle yesterday to attend 'Festive Fair' at town approx 45 miles away with non-ARF friends. EN1 returned much refreshed (visit to Festive Food Fair involved much sampling of locally produced gin, it's only fair to sample them all before making a purchase.. right?) but mood was slightly dampened as Agents started stupid argument over MESS meal which involved, shouting, very bad words and slight slamming of doors. Calm restored as soon as WiFi switched on...


The Xbox of desire has been ordered from the online store with the singing boxes.


Feline Agent currently in residence next to the AGA we may not have any white stuff but we have had a lot of rain!


K9 agents have obviously been in communication with K9 agent at the Orchard camp, the offer of a 'walk' has not produced the usual mad excitement and have been taken with unseemly haste.


Equine agents also unimpressed with heavy rain and hurtled in from field this pm, expect mutiny if any of the white stuff dares to fall this far west!


Camp Grockle over and out


up
2 users have supported this.

Camp Nide filing a report of worrying nature ... EN2 missing in action since code name "Christmas party" which started at 11:59 hours today (as in this morning). Message received and understood at 18:00 "when do you think that you might be home?" - "I'm not sure yet". But subsequent messages have met with radio silence. Has EN2 done a runner? Or is he just out having a good time? I'm inclined to think the latter and wish him the best cheer - got to get your kicks where you can, right? If the former then I might be calling for those messages to the celestial ...


However, left Agents Defiant and Benign eating supper for FIVE MINUTES (for heaven's sake) and came back to find Benign in tears because Defiant had told him (as far as I can tell) that EN2 (aka "Daddy") isn't coming back and EN1 (aka "Mummy") is going away next week and will never be back. A cute (??) and rather unhealthy spin on events where Benign can't corroborate and can be taunted into whatever state Defiant wants. [Deep sigh]. Visit to Agent Benign's high rise bunker to help him to calm down. Almost all quiet now on the Eastern front - although Benign still not totally settled - EN1 can hear snufflings and tossings. Hey ho - EN1 in for the long haul tonight by the sound of it.


However, EN1 eating magic pasta and olive oil from MESS and thoroughly enjoying same. EN1 reports single foot-warming entity as blasted Puppy non-Agent K9 stolen / hidden / buried right foot-warming apparatus (who knows?). I feel court martial for Puppy on the near horizon. Puppy is a kleptomaniac (currently and after a recent clearout Puppy's bunk has 1 x pair of socks - clean; 2 x slippers (Benign's); squeaky toys x several; kindling; half eaten bonio; loo roll inner; 1 x slider (Defiant's); small action figure; tennis ball; oh and a dog).


EN1 can report that though there were flurries of that white stuff today none of it settled empirical meteorological report states: cold, dank and rather dreary in East London base.


Surely a record, non-Agent M of the feline variety managed 8am - 3pm (7 hours) with only rotational movement. Same chair; same deep sleep - perhaps non-Agent M has heard of bed sores?


Nide camp commander thinking of getting some shuteye now as obviously EN2 has either actually done a bunk or is having such a good time that it would be better to hear about it in the morning.


Nide, over and out.


up
1 user has supported this.

FLASH NEWS court martial of Puppy suspended as second foot-warming apparatus found wrapped in bedding in EN1 / 2s' bunker. EN1 secretly relieved. Non-Agents of the feline variety disgusted by turn of events ... Suspect public humiliation was their desired outcome, at the very least. Feline M has resumed his earlier position as a sleepdown protest at this decision.


Nide, out


up
1 user has supported this.

En1 pear tree sentry report.


Excitement in the camp as non arf Pip has gone to HER bunker with the hallowed cool bonce of glory!

Periodic spiking of internal furnace during the day but the overall picture is improved.


At a time of coolness valiant attempt by En1 and Pip to create amazing festive cards with much glitter and shiny pens achieved a number of suitable postal festive articles.

Warning.

Glitter is now categorised as weapon of mass EN distruction. En2 had noted the glittery dining table and associated rug, he counter attacked with suction device aka HETTY HOOVER.

This sent the feline agent into a frenzy who managed operation ‘trip up en In haste to exit via the kitty evacuation flap’ and glitter neuclear cloud fluffed into the air as en landed with a WUMPH!


En1 attempted to not giggle. Non arf Pip said ‘bother that cat’ and En2, with slightly pearlesant sheen did look rather amusing.


En is encouraged to read messages from other camps and delighted that Ham’s ds4 non arf has at last settled within her camp.


Court martial for late En2s having a bevvy or two dismissed as it is the festive season and ENs need to enjoy all the late passes they can get.


up
Be the first user to support this

Nide sentry's report states that EN2 arrived home at some stupid hour last night or this morning (EN1 finally flaked at around 23:40 hours). Found EN2 in the right place on the other side of the bed when awakened at dawn by radio / animals / small child. On consultation this morning EN2 seems to have had a super time with work colleagues and EN1 pleased with bonding and doubly pleased that EN2 hadn't done a runner.


Tomorrow ENs 1 and 2 due to attend MAP (Multi-agency Planning) meeting re Agent Defiant's current predicaments. EN1, at least, isn't looking forward to it.


Blasted Puppy non-Agent K9 has now stolen and hidden left foot warming apparatus tonight (right apparatus now restored). I know that she knows that I know that she has done it and I know that she knows that I don't think that it is funny. However, Non-Agent D is pretty damn smart and *she* does think that it is funny so I, apparently, just have to live with it. One-slipper EN me, for the foreseeable.


Nide reports that white stuff to be a total thing of the past - err, what white stuff would that be then? And transport links in the Metropolis seemingly entirely restored. We have a minor relic created by Benign that was the body of a snowman but which didn't head in the right direction - boom boom!!


Nide, over and out.


up
1 user has supported this.

Invasion of camp by arf partridge imminent.


Agent of Gangly stature is very clear that it is his role, and his role only to adorn the front of the orchard with illuminations of the twinkly, festive variety.


His visit does make En1s midriff wobble with nerves. As necessary, especially at times of very few spondoolies, En2 is at the paid expeditions.

So En1 will be in orchard on her own with young Pip.


So En1 has instructed Pip that Agent hugs giggles etc are fine. But Agent partridge doesn’t always know the limits of not throwing people about in greeting, so we will be doing various activities for Agent to join in with and then he can do his traditional role of festive glittery prowess.


En2 has suggested he repatriates the Bovine Excremenf meter to paid expeditions ir it may spontaneously combust in the vacinity of arf Partridge as he cannot help but leak WHOPPER PORKIES.


Then En2 realised his chosen vocational career is in the municipal MASH is not far from the finance and press offices and the BOVINE EXCREMENT meter may be considered a fire hazard and harm vulnerable, optically compromised patients.


Would anyone like to borrow BOVINE EXCREMENT meter on temp loan? Well used and robust in all but the most extreme porkies?


In the meantime the small fuzzball has endeared herself to En2 by much purr action and stomping on En1 laptop keyboard. He now accepts feline is not in fact the devil incarnate. She sweetly settled onto his lap earlier and all is well with animal Agents.


En1 pear tree is also relieved that camp nide’s En2 has not abandoned post and court martial for cowardice in the face of heavy fire, stood down.


Further festive adornment of cavalry camp is set for tomorrow afternoon so at least En1 has a time to evacuate arf and Pip via battletank. Suspect arf Agent is keen to attend mainly due to large portion of chippy chips on offer, but also pleased he loves his cavalry, especially cavalry grandpa


up
Be the first user to support this

Creative camp mid week murmurings.


Boot camp meeting was a waste of time, agent sticky is I quote “ignoring instructions from new learning person”. EMs both gave good performances of looking shocked and concerned, Oscars all round. Boot camps approach has no therapeutic value and is more like to explode like WWl ordinance.


EN1 and agent enjoyed a trip to sessional theatre performance, plenty of it’s behind you and singing taking place. EN1 was stressed by guide leader who was trying to confuse agent and EN1’s Brownies. Plenty of sugar and pop was consumed and agent was late to bed, ENs feel bootcamp May be getting more than they bargained for today.


EN1s breathing problems have developed into chest infection and no voice. EN2 and agent seem please with this development!


Camp is glad to hear agent pip is in recovery and hopes this will continue.


EN1 off to big smoke for meeting and a spot of lunch with adult drinks.


up
1 user has supported this.

Camp Nide filing late evening report.


Nide on operation "paper chains" tonight in relay fashion with the accompaniment of festive tunes. Having been given the option to come up and make them, Defiant refused when suggested and then came up and made a fuss of the fact that she hadn't "been able" to make them (because we hadn't let her) after about 20 mins. Errr? So then she made them and complained that we hadn't helped her. Err - they are paper chains with the sticky bits already available and she is 15. Hey ho, error on the parts of EN1 and 2, obviously.


MAP meeting (Multi-agency Planning) interesting. All to do with sexual exploitation rather than Defiant's other issues (although they came up, because you can't dissociate one from the other, really). ENs 1 and 2 attended, were heard (to be fair) and then weren't allowed to hear the outcome. Hey ho. Apparently there is a scale of 1 -3 with 1 being low risk and 3 being high of sexual exploitation but we have to wait for SS to get back to us with their multi-agency assessment. Not the end of the world as at least people are seeing that she is in danger and vulnerable.


Puppy non-Agent has excelled herself and, with none of that white stuff available outside, has created a Santa's grotto of fake snow in the bathroom; it even eddies, like real snow, when you walk in and out. It is quite impressive. It is also a toilet roll down on the budget for Nide - food parcels available anyone? We hadn't catered for this.


Benign has his school Xmas lunch tomorrow and his dead excited.


Big break through on the Benign socialisation front today - "friendly fire" from other child who did saliva maneuvers at wet play today. Instead of retaliating, Benign walked away and found an adult ... You can not believe how proud I was of his - his instinct is to fight back but he didn't. something, somewhere is going right.


Nide, over and out.


up
1 user has supported this.

Good evening, waving flags from the turrets to other camps under fire

Arf partridge has declared himself unfit to attend anywhere.

En1 finding herself struggling without the bovine excrement meter to explain what arf is saying along the truthfulness scale.

En2’s battletank has after 8 yrs rebelled and refused to start. Cavalry grandparents were smoke signalled as en1s battletank was called into service for ‘the greater good’

The not so cavalry grandparents (En2) division collected Pip from boot camp. They are local but grumped no end about the frequent occurance of other non arflets and battletanks. Muttered and grrring at the dreadful imposition to Pip has made En1 code cross.

En2 is not v impressed either.

However, the En2 family has handy knight in shining armour. This knight is a person of mechanical genius. He ascertained the battletank requires a ‘new battery’ magical ‘jump leads’ applied via the mystery of torch light and driveway scramble to enable quest to store (aka Halfords) to purchase battery of desire.

Much celebration in the orchard on the successful return to a battletank.


up
1 user has supported this.

Nide filing last report of the day.


All camp members accounted for. Dead and injured total = 0, so far. Hunkered down = 3; pending = 1. Success for Nide tonight = circa 80%.


Comedic moment (almost): Defiant brings cake home from Food Tech specifically for her and Benign, apparently. Defiant does the slicing and gives herself 75% by volume and Benign 25%. OK. It's her cake ... Defiant insists that EN2 tries it first ... His comment "this is a truly delicious chocolate cake, Defiant!" just doesn't seem to go down too well. Oh my word, EN2 tries so hard. Trouble is that it was a cinnamon cake ... Defiant went ballistic ... But, as reported, no fatalities in Nide Base so far tonight.


Have just been making a few supplementary lists to the lists that I've made already to made Operation Xmas some sort of success. I feel a little bit queasy and think that it is time to go and lie down.


Nide, out.


up
1 user has supported this.

Camp Hundred Acre Wood reporting in. All very oddly quiet in camp tonight. AS on operation Beaver sleepover so camp consists of canine non-agent and EN1. EN1 commencing operation festive wrapping. So strange to have camp almost to myself enjoying the peace but looking forward to return of agent and normal camp activities tomorrow.


Hundred Acre Wood signing out for the night.


up
Be the first user to support this

En1 sentry report from deep within the trenches.

Rumbles from ARF partridge in no mans land have been detected.

Even cavalry grandparents suspect clandestine action on arf front.


Sought immediate assistance from local intelligence which informed the orchard that he is most definitely avoiding camp and is code ‘up to something’


En1 broke cover and decided to smoke signal Agent in no mans land. Brace position for heavy volley of fire.

Arf Agent has something to discuss with ENs. Suspect somehow the endless porky pies, poor self worth, dreadful gf and lack of hygiene plus crippling emotional troubles from his ‘camp of origin’ May be at the base of this latest wobbling


Trouble is as a younger agent, En1 and En2 could scoop him up, wash him, sort things out, get to the bottom of things and help him. Now he is officially an adult arf none of the previously used ARF Handling instructions remain. Agent will lie to ENs faces and dig himself further and further into bother until EN1’s mum radar picks up that there’s a big problem!


We will discover the depths of arf partridges foray into no mans land in a day’s time


In the meantime En1 and Pip have done some carol singing and hearty gllooorias and shepherds watching filled the orchard and the nearby dwellings.


Delighted to hear that hundred acre camp are on an all night pass and hope they thoroughly enjoy it.

Very pleased to receive news that camp mode and the skirmish ‘cake battle’ was resolved without serious injury


En1 is going to attempt sleeping in bunker now, mind whirring about the level and type of ARF partridges current battle situation with poor intelligence from unreliable witness’ is not conducive to slumber but will try Smile


up
Be the first user to support this

Apologies for inaccurate reporting

Nide appears to be mode on pear trees communication device

It seems the ARF have infiltrated AUK and stolen the ‘edit’ button


up
Be the first user to support this

Early sentry report from camp creative, festive break from boot camp has commenced, agent Sticky is over the moon and is full of excitement. EN1 is on camp duty this week so has arranged activities of either ecclesiastical type, meeting with other ARF members or theatre type.


EN1 is suffering with chest infection and only being able to sleep for 3 hours without waking up, I believe this will lead to me being grumpy by the end of the weekend.


Today’s plans will either see agent really happy or in melt down, ENs are hoping for the former and planning for the latter. Also agent has again being raiding the MESS so all special festive food has been hidden where possible and resupplying has been scheduled for close to big day.


Operation presents in paper will be commencing tonight after agent retires to bunk room, this will be done whilst consuming festive pies and alcohol.


Camp creative signing off as agent is heading for MESs.


up
Be the first user to support this

Camp Grockle reporting


Both Agents at basecamp, Agent N sulking in bunker as had had 'bust up' with so called friend in local town today. Expect all will be resolved shortly as Agent currently on telephonic device to said 'friend'


Agent K has commemced festive break from bootcamp and is currently tidying up bunker!!!!! EN1 impressed but slightly annoyed as it involved unwanted items being dumped on MESS room table just as EN1 was trying to serve rations! Both EN's wondering why the unusual activity is occuring... could it be that Agent K is actually growing up... or is it of short-lived duration? EN1 has hard hat to hand in case of spontaneous combustion by Agent K after all this 'helping'!


Camp grockle has had a visitor for the last few days, an old friend of EN's from up-country (anywhere is 'up' from this far west!) so Agents have been on mostly best behaviour, apart from Agent N who spent part of the night on his telephonic device and made so much noise he kept said guest awake in the next door bedroom! EN's were grateful for the respite as both Agents are usually better if anyone else is here.


Unfortunately the festive decorations at Camp grockle have not progressed very far, EN1 is about to get out the mulled cider and pour a glass to get more into the spirit of things, EN2 is currently writing Christmas greeting cards so EN1 had better go and help!


Camp Grockle please to hear of return to full fitness of Pip of the orchard and of the return to duty of the Orchard battletank. Will hope for peace of mind for Orchard EN's with regard to Agent Partridge.


Camp grockle over and out


up
1 user has supported this.

Met camp suffering under heavy fire; cavalry called in and helped create some sense of order amongst the chaos.


Further non arf reinforcements needed for remaining festive season.


up
1 user has supported this.

Nide sending soft fluffy clouds of hope and love to Met in abundance. Go look outside ...


Nide, over.


up
1 user has supported this.

Good evening all camps


Arf partridge is back in his nearby barracks having dumped large trauma load at orchard camp

His rumblings in no mans land are to do with something to do with paid expeditions. Apparently Agent has not been attending as much.

Further antics of ENDLESS PORKY PIES plus wobbly actions in no mans land have lead to various mines being on the horizon and Agent is scared he will set them all off.


Further. Agent was open to hearing (shocking I know) En1 suggestion he sees high level brainwasher to help him sort his early trauma that continually causes many short term memory problems.


In the meantime various decorations of festive variety have appeared in correct positions around the orchard. Pip still is code ‘not 100%’ and has noted the leaky trauma of agent and has been code grumpy and wingey. En1 would like a naughty princesses tower to send young Pip to explore. Ideally for a couple of hours....


Mission to slightly cavalry grandparents (in law division) and friendly comrades en2s family offspring around very damp and cold local house of national trust interest and rations from local pub. En1 would rather stick pins in her eyes. However. At least it’s not just in laws, it is friendly family offspring and so diversionary tactics sound possible at least.


Sending warm duvets to hide under in Met camp and sturdy brollies.


Encouraging waves of flags from turrets


up
Be the first user to support this

Camp Nest reporting in - well actually EN1 reporting in from Code Sleepover with 12 non ARF Brownies. Remarkably it seems like most are asleep before the witching hour although were threatened with court martial by fellow officer if they played up after lights out. All officers sleeping in same room as Brownies so little chance of getting away with it.


Back in basecamp EN2 has apparently coped with Agent Sqk as there have been no smoke signals up the Hill. The agent still has another 4 days at boot camp till festive leave commences. EN1 however has sort of commenced hers although she has to go into place of paid expeditions on Tuesday. Both ENs had a night away from basecamp last night at EN2’s code ‘work party’. Cavalry Granny had Sqk for night while ENs spent night out of camp. EN1 predicts that she will be most grateful to return to normal facilities tomorrow night.


up
2 users have supported this.

camp ham fears eminent attack from ARF dd. A kind soul has taken her due to inclement weather but it is just around the corner from the camp. So suspect shenanigans soon .lets hope kind soul children don't get hurt in the crossfire.

ds2 will need to be made aware of her location and he is sure to react negatively to that.


i believe i can hear renditions of carols being sung at the orchard i need some Christmas cheer.

hope all camps have a peaceful sunday.


up
1 user has supported this.

Sending a warm mince pie and a hot cuppa to all camps in need. Extra rations to camp Ham under siege by very upsetting dd action with local nitwit.


up
Be the first user to support this

Right, it is almost Christmas and for a few days hostilities cease from the SCUM as they are all on leave from their ivory towers. Hurrah!


However, the ARF have been known to find the festive season code ‘tricky’

So comrades please join me in adjusting our Yuletide songs.


On the first day of Christmas my Agents said to me: mum I did a big wee

On the second day of Christmas my Agents gave to me: 2 snotted hankies

On the third day of Christmas my Agents gave to me: 3 piles of laundry

On the fourth day of Christmas my Agents showed to me: 4 scratches on the telly

On the fifth day of Christmas my Agents wrote for me: 5 rude songs to sing

On the 6th day of Christmas my Agents flooded me: 6 turned on taps

.....

Any more? Feel free to complete the 12 days or record your own for rousing choral efforts to make a lovely song book Smile


up
1 user has supported this.

on the seventh days of Christmas my agents screamed at me :f**k offyou twat.

on the eight day of Christmas the agents shouted: mum i feel sick

on the ninth day of Christmas the agents surprised me with a visit from the cops


up
1 user has supported this.

on the tenth day of Christmas my (brainy) agent said to "I'm going to be a tattoo artist"


up
1 user has supported this.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my agents gave to me ''11 mouldy items from under Agents bed'


up
1 user has supported this.

On the fifth day of Christmas my small one gave to me "five golden tears".


Nide reports that small one, Benign, is struggling with EN1's proposed external manoeurveres for an overnight paid operation staying in hotel type bunker next week (that sounded a bit like prostitution but, for anyone getting excited or agitated, it isn't - just EN1 going to do end of year reviews for her lovely team members and having, as a consequence, to stay in a hotel). EN1 has been on operations many times before; Benign has never been in tears. Big tears tonight.


I'm thinking of taking Benign with me and telling school to "stuff it" and that Benign won't be in till Thursday (I will tell them why, too). EN2 wants to "review" tomorrow morning.


Nide, over and out.


up
Be the first user to support this

On the twelth day of Christmas my agent gave to me- Twelve porky pies


up
Be the first user to support this

Hoping nide camp en ‘discussions’ create no atmosphere That operation limpet mine cane yet be Deployed within


up
Be the first user to support this

Pages