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Adoption after having your own biological children

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Hi,


Myself and my husband have been having discussions about adoption, we already have 2 biological boys aged 4 and 2 but I had some serious health complications during childbirth and after talking about trying for a third we thought adoption would be something we might want to consider to complete our family. We know our boys would love another sibling, has anyone got experience of adopting after having there own biological children, what kind of challenges did you face?


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18 users have supported this.

There's several threads on the families with birth children board

Adoption is really different than having birth children- it's offering specialist parenting to a child who hurts and as such you'll want as big an age gap as possible between birth children and adoptee.

Plus you'll need to demonstrate you've grieved and had counselling to resolve any issues around not being able to have a birth child.

It isn't impossible but there's a lot to it


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12 users have supported this.

Yes, there are lots of appropriate threads to read on the 'adopters with birth children' board. The thing to think about is that it is very different from having biological children, it is not about providing a sibling for your birth children (cos frankly they may not thank you for it). It is about providing a forever family for a hurting and traumatised child who may have experienced life long damage which you cannot fix.

The biggest recommendation most of us who have done it would suggest is a BIG age gap. I would forget about this until your youngest is settled in school and then revisit the idea. Forget the classic two year gaps with birth children, go for minimum 4/5 year gap. My youngest BS is seven and a half years older than my AS, but even now after almost 10 years they merely tolerate each other.


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25 users have supported this.

'No couple is happy without a baby'.


What a load of old tosh!


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26 users have supported this.

I am not convinced adoption is different from having birth children. My own experience is that after the initial placement period it is pretty much the same.


But I accept it can be different because of the needs of the particular children.


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11 users have supported this.

Haven't got much time to comment but from my experience adoption is vastly different to having birth children...

Adopted children come with baggage, they have been hurt by the trauma someone else has inflicted on them. You can not remove that hurt, you can lessen its effects but it will always be there.

My adopted daughter was taken in care at 11 months and adopted at 2 3/4, the damage inflicted on her by those that came before me is profound and deep and that is something which can shake the very bones of your family...


As a midge pointed out my birth son loves his sister but he often wishes we had not adopted her.....

Having said all this she is part of our family and we will do everything we can to help her but its not easy, it's hard and it hurts and not many people around you understand.


Sorry I've gone on a bit more than I intended...!!

Go for a large age gap, probably opposite gender and do as much research as you can before you decide that adoption is right for you.


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24 users have supported this.

yes, read the threads on the adopters with birth children board, there is lots of useful stuff there, Plenty of us have had biological children and then gone on to adopt, but be aware that adoptive parenting really is 'parenting plus' - all the joys and challenges of having a birth child PLUS a heap of other stuff, which can include emotional damage, mental health issues, behavioural issues, learning difficulties. These aren't just challenges for the child, but for the whole family, including your birth children. Listen to the advice about big age gaps - there are five years between my youngest birth child and my oldest AD, and life would be impossible if the gap were any smaller. Keep reading all you can


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38 users have supported this.

I have three birth kids and one adopted. Totally, TOTALLY different from birth kids and mine has pretty minor and mild issues but requires so much more active management than my three BS did.


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23 users have supported this.