Holidays and Adoption

Timing can throw up all kinds of difficulties for prospective adopters trying to plan a holiday. What if their long-awaited match appears when they are away? Will it come before they go, and mean they have to cancel? And how soon after placement can you take a child away?

The wait for a match after approval can be a good opportunity for a final big holiday abroad, that trip of a lifetime and a chance to spend some quality time as a couple.

On the other hand, adopters worry the long awaited phone call about a match might come when they are away or just before they leave, causing delays to the moment they first meet their new child or money losses from last minute cancellations.

Some parents book holidays with the plan that, if they are matched with a child in time, they can come too, but this can have drawbacks.

The lack of structure and stability when they have already experienced so much change could make newly-placed children unsettled and insecure, and the break in routine so soon after it is established could be equally damaging.

Below, Online Community users share their experiences of taking holidays both before and soon after the adoptive placement.

Holidays before placement

We are nearly at matching panel and introductions. Friends have asked us to go with them to France later in the year and we don’t know what to do. We have had so many problems with our match and still don’t know what will be happening. We don’t want to put our lives on hold this year like last. We want to book to go with them, but are worried in case things progress (obviously more important than a holiday). I feel selfish booking a holiday without waiting but have to plan to keep us sane!
Ange36

I waited around five years for my child - nearly four years after I was approved, because I'm single, work full-time, and wanted a daughter. I just got on with my life. I lived it as I would have, had I not been approved and waiting, although I found it difficult at times. And I wasn't best pleased when I was linked and matched with my daughter right after I'd committed money to a holiday of a lifetime! (I cancelled the trip, rather than delay meeting my daughter).
FehrScaper

Our holiday plans were touch and go for a time, with the money we could lose increasing all the time. Eventually it turned out very well - nice relaxing holiday just before the arrival of two lively little ones! But be very cautious before booking - we almost lost a lot of money! If I went through the process again I would definitely wait and then book a late deal.
Starlight

Holidays with newly-placed children

It’s difficult to say how a child will cope with a holiday soon after placement, as each child will cope differently. My family lives a distance away so my son has been used to going away for long weekends for as long as he has been with us. He was extremely fretful the first time, and the moment we stepped back across our doorstep he burst into tears. He must have been so worried about what was happening to him. But since then he has been absolutely fine. My suggestion would be, go away for a weekend first and see how they cope with being away from home (even if you just book into the nearest Travelodge for a night).
DCO

A two-week holiday with the children nine months into placement was the worst possible thing for us! It should have been a much shorter time and close to home with a lot of close family support! ‘Keep ‘em busy and out of mischief!’ is a good motto, as well as packing food and money with them there so they know if the worst was to happen we would all be OK.
Dimples

We took our two children to the US - we had fostered them for nearly a year and the adoption hearing was postponed several times. We had a letter from social services giving us authority and passports in their birth family names. We took the adoptive grandparents with us and had a ball. It was great bonding. Normally our son would not have responded well to change but after lengthy debate we decided to keep it a surprise, with Nanny and Granddad turning up at the airport - a risky strategy but it paid off - he was so busy with the novelty of everything from start to finish that his behaviour was brilliant. I notified the airline of our situation (in case he reacted badly) and from the moment we took off we were looked after incredibly well. Travelling with children is an experience in itself - it has to be very carefully considered as it could be unsettling and undermine a lot of good work in the early days of placement
Mayan49

It really depends on the child. We took our two away after five weeks with us. We had it booked long before linking, and were advised not to mention it, as if they were not in a position to go we could have cancelled, however the boys were OK, and off we went. We needed passports for them, and those took an age - so be warned! Also, you may have some selling to do to the child’s social worker.
thedish

We took our daughters to visit family in Ireland three months after they came to live with us (one and two years old) and they were absolutely fine. A little bit clingy as they were meeting lots of relatives/friends, but they had a great time. We didn't have passports but being Ireland we were OK with a letter from social services giving us permission to take them out of the country.
JMK