Introductions

The purpose of introductions is for the adoptive parent and child to meet each other for the first time, find out more about each other and try to find out what living together will be like. We look at what this means in practise, and how to get the best from what can be a hugely stressful time.

By the time prospective adopters reach the introduction stage of the adoption process, they have been through a lengthy process, often a long wait and many delays, and will be looking forward to meeting their new child for the first time.

The adoption agency and adopter will agree a detailed introduction plan, but before this happens, adopters should make sure they have as much information about the child as possible.

This includes the child’s relationships with birth family, foster carers and friends and any contact requirements with these; information about the child’s needs; and any support services likely to be necessary once the placement is established.

This is the time to ask the agency any other questions or express any further worries so they can be dealt with before the new parent and child come face to face for the first time.

Initial introductions usually take place at the foster carers’ house where the child is living. They are a chance for the new parent to watch how the child interacts with the foster carer and discuss with them the child’s behaviour, habits, likes and dislikes.

Subsequent meetings could include outings to the park or elsewhere or visits to the adoptive parents’ home, with the possibility of an overnight stay for older children.

The length of time introductions take varies. Young babies are given a shorter time while older children, who will have fully developed personalities have longer to see if they are compatible with their adoptive parents-to-be. The following should be taken only as a rough guide:

Age of child	Length of introductions
Up to 1 year	Up to 7 days – less if newborn
1 to 3 years	7 to 15 days
3 to 6 years	10 to 20 days
6+ years	15 to 60 days

Those adopting a child some distance away will need accommodation during the introductions period.

Many adopters prefer accommodation in a rented cottage where they can cater for themselves, have their own space to relax and unwind, and bring the children back to play.

However, others found that in practice they did not have time to cook, and would have preferred a hotel. Most important is to know what the arrangements are, and be comfortable with them.

Online Community members’ experiences

Intros are very tiring and drain you physically and mentally. When you get to intro stage try and get as much rest as you possibly can beforehand and go out and enjoy yourselves as a couple. You will not be going out by yourselves again for quite a while (meant in a positive way as you will be with your new family).
Tiglet

At introductions, I remember sitting in the car before going in to meet him for the first time, I thought my heart would stop, I couldn't breathe, everything was spinning I was so anxious it's untrue. The minute I cast eyes on him though, I knew all my worries would soon disappear.

A&A

The introductions are false. It is like having a friend of your child’s to stay. We met for dinner, then a day at our house, then an overnight weekend and then each weekend increasing to a long weekend. We felt quite pressured to increase the time quickly and at one point we called a halt to it to slow it down. When they move in you do not really know the child at all and they don't know you. It is a very odd time.

Gil

We've been fostering for 17 years and moved a number of children and babies on to adoption. Our own experience is that there is far too little thought and preparation given to the introduction process. Given the enormous demands, both emotional and physical, that are made, particularly on the adopters, by the whole procedure we feel strongly enough to raise this as an issue worth addressing.
fmc

Our three experiences of introductions have been very different. For me, the key things to bear in mind - for adopters and foster carers - are flexibility and tolerance. Trouble is when personalities are involved it's not easy to have hard and fast rules. We had one set which were OK and we've had no real contact since. One set were fantastic. She was lovely, understanding, tolerant and we pretty much worked out the whole thing to suit ourselves. Our third set were dreadful. They didn't want to part with her and made the whole thing very difficult indeed. Intros were almost terminated at day three. It was only at our insistence, because we wanted what was best for littly, that they continued through to day five. I do think it helps to meet or talk to the foster carers before starting intros. With our second son I spoke with his foster mum on the phone beforehand and managed to get most of the information I felt we needed then. It meant that during intros we could just concentrate on getting to know him rather than trying to remember what he liked to eat, his routines etc.
Donatella

Published online: 11 June 2010