Can You Help?

I adopted my second child four months ago - he is 20 months old. I am struggling to bond with him and at times struggle with his behaviour. Throughout the introductions and placement he has bonded really well with us and is settled but I am struggling with him. I find this hard to deal with - as soon as I met my daughter I fell in love with her immediately and loved being a mum to her. I do love my son and couldn’t imagine life without him. I can tell I do treat my children differently and am a lot harder on my son than my daughter. Some of the time I find myself crying thinking how am I going to cope with him. His birth parents had behavioural problems and I do wonder if I am using this as an excuse for his behaviour. I feel I can’t ask my social worker for help as I wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of having him.
from Advent

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It can seem like the answer to keep a child back, but the underlying issue of why a child seems emotionally delayed may not go away just with staying back one year. Traumatised children are often delayed emotionally by years - it may seem that your child has more in keeping with the year below now, but you don't know how this is going to pan out later, as these children will grow up and your child may still be operating at the emotional age of say a four year old. Being out of age group does have some practical problems, and it won't help if your child is still acting inappropriately but now with an even younger cohort of children.  I agree that it's better to keep them where they are so that their needs are properly identified and appropriate support can be put in place. By staying behind for a year you are really just masking the problem.

Can You Help?

Does anyone have any information on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and the chances of getting this disorder acknowledged in mainstream schools as in SEN? My son appears to be suffering and spends more time excluded from school than attending. I am worried about his education as he is 13 and should be working towards his GCSE's.

Can You Help?

Has anyone successfully moved their child back a school year? Our daughter was placed with us aged four, she is now six and is in Year 2. Her learning isn't too bad however she is emotionally much younger than her age and I feel it would benefit her if she could be moved back a year, in fact I can't imagine her coping moving to Key Stage 2 at all. The school often move her into Year 1 as her behaviour is not good, however when I have asked about a permanent move no one seems to want to give me any information. Any comments would be welcome.

from Anon

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I have been trying without success I have exactly the same issue as you. Our block seems to be the secondary school who would only allow him entry to year 8 not year 7 if he was dropped back.  This is a hard and fast rule that the LA have enforced due to some litigation taken against them I think on the provision of further education to someone aged 19. Other reasons I have been given is that there is no legal requirement to stay at school once 16 so he may leave without any qualifications.

I have involved the SS education person and the school but no progress. I have spoken to ed psych but they have no power to enforce this in our LA. I am now focusing on what the school can do to help his emotional and social development SS have offered £500 for education support activities such as extra coaching or things like stagecoach that help social development.

In contrast my God daughter in another LA is staying at her private school for an extra year and then the state Academy school is going to take her into year seven. This was all sorted by her headmistress and the head of the academy school.

So I really hope you have some luck with this but we found it a minefield.

Maxxy

We really wanted our son to be kept back a year at the same age and it was refused. Their reasons were wooly and I wasn't convinced until he got to the end of yr 2 and could no longer cope without support. His statement started then and that worked well initially but eventually he needed even more support. Now he's in a special school where his emotional needs are looked after as much as his special needs. With hindsight I think it was the best thing for him to stay with his peers. Despite him struggling, his issues were not disguised and he got the help he needed.

His school did let him spend some playing time with the year below when he was in Yr 1 and Yr 2 although they wouldn't register him there. He spent some time in the afternoons visiting the reception class and playing with those kids. He loved that and it did allow him some down time during lessons that he really didn't access well.

I was also told that if a child is kept back a year they will also be made to leapfrog a year at some point and that would be very difficult.

So to conclude you should speak to the school and find out what sort of nurturing situations they can develop for your child and use your ed psych... talk about your child's emotional well being.... every child matters after all.